Fingers shaking, I clicked on it, relief washing through me when I realized it was just stupid spam for a discount on a hike-and-bike trail tour in Austin, Texas.
“Fuck,” I muttered, cradling my head in my hands. It had been five months since my last email from Austin, when I’d finally stopped letting him control my life with his harassment and deleted my email and social media accounts, changed my cell number, and pretended he’d never existed.
It was his last email that had finally awakened my fighting spirit. His words were so unhinged, they were seared on my memory.
Beautiful, I can’t sleep again. How many hours of sleep have I lost over you? You owe me those hours. Hours I should have been inside you, watching you come, making those sweet noises you make as you’re reaching for it. I want to punish you so badly for making me feel this way. It’s your fault I’m so fucked up. You made me love you. You’re making me chase you. But when I find you, when we find each other, you’ll see what I see. That we’re meant to be together. I would never hurt you. Anything I say or do is to keep you safe with me.
I can’t wait to make love to you.
But first, you’ll get the punishment fuck you think you escaped. I’ve been imagining it over and over in my head. I want it to hurt so you can feel my pain. God, it makes me so hard just thinking about it.
You see what you do to me?
I love you. I love you so much, Regan. You’ll see it too. Soon.
All my love,
Austin
Remembering that morning in my motel room in California when I’d opened that email, my nausea intensified. At the time I’d thrown my phone across the bed, hurried to the bathroom, slammed up the toilet seat, fallen to my knees, and gagged.
Nothing came up.
I’d dry heaved over it for what seemed like ages. Shuddering, tears had rolled down my cheeks, and I’d swiped angrily at them.
Just remembering that morning still made me furious and sick to my stomach.
I’d leaned against the dirty tile wall and hugged my body, trying to hold in the sobs that wanted to break free.
I’d never hated anyone before.
Not until Austin.
I hadn’t known a person could so entirely derail a life. That their harassment could take over everything. Shape your decisions. That was when I’d decided enough was enough. I returned to Boston. I thought he was out of my life.
Then he came back.
Scotland and Robyn were a fresh start, though. I left that shit behind in Boston.
I stumbled into the swank adjoining bathroom (all marble tile and fancy fixtures), and then slowly returned to the bedroom. The view outside distracted me from dark thoughts of the past.
“Holy...” I walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the sea. Yesterday had been a bright, sunny day. The morning was a little gray, a mist hanging over the water. But it took nothing away from its beauty. If I were a painter, I’d sit at that window all day putting color to canvas.
Unfortunately, my painting phase had lasted exactly three days before I realized I had zero talent and I was trying to force the interest.
Movement outside caught my attention, and I saw my sister in her workout gear walking toward the house from the west. Perhaps from the beach? It wouldn’t surprise me if she’d been up at dawn running along the seafront. Probably because of me. Robyn was a runner because it helped her center her thoughts.
Thinking of my strong sister, I glanced back at the phone on the bed.
When she was fifteen, a date sexually assaulted Robyn.
She didn’t let him win. Didn’t let him make her feel weak. Instead, she empowered herself.
Robyn trained in mixed martial arts.
I’d never been interested in sports. I liked yoga and Pilates, but that was as far as I’d ever taken enforced physical activity. To be honest, I’d rather be running around, staying active in a natural, day-to-day manner.
However, eight months ago I’d begun to understand Robyn’s need to be able to defend herself.
“Morning,” I called gaily as I strolled into the kitchen.
I’d showered and dressed, hoping to catch my sister and her fiancé before they left the house.
Thankfully, they were both sitting at the island sipping coffee.
“Morning.” Robyn moved to slip off a stool. “Let me get you a coffee.”
“I can do that.” I waved her away as I maneuvered around the fancy kitchen. “I thought you might train me in MMA.”
The silence at my back made me turn around.
Robyn gaped over the brim of her coffee mug while Lachlan watched her closely.
“What?” I asked a little defensively, afraid she was already suspicious about my motives.
“You want to learn MMA?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged like it was no big deal.
“You hate martial arts. And sports in general.”
“Well,” I said, leaning against the counter, “I thought it would be a nice thing for us to do together, to spend time together.”
“That’s the only reason?” My big sister frowned, her expression concerned.
I veered just close enough to the truth that it would stall the questions. “While I was in Asia, I got cornered by this guy. If it hadn’t been for this other guy showing up, I’d hate to think what might have happened. And then seeing you reminded me you’re a badass. Just got me thinking that I should learn to defend myself.”
Robyn was already making her way to me. “Are you okay? Are you sure it wasn’t worse than what you’re saying?”
I reached for her, squeezing her hand while I smiled. “You’re such a worrier. It was just as I said.”
She studied me. “Something is off. I can tell.”
I released her hand. “Things are just weird between us, that’s all. I’m trying to move us past it. I thought spending time together would help.”
Suddenly, a coolness entered Robyn’s eyes, and she crossed her arms. “How long are you planning to stay?”
“As long as I’m legally allowed, I guess.” I glanced at Lachlan. “If that’s okay?”
He looked at Robyn. “As long as it’s okay with your sister, it’s okay with me.”
Before Robyn could respond, I hurried to say, “I’m going to get a job while I’m here, find somewhere to rent, so I’m not in your hair and, like, mooching off you and your boyfriend.”
“Fiancé.” She scowled. “And you wouldn’t be mooching. I want you here.” Where I can keep an eye on you, she didn’t say.
“Then I’ll pay rent. Once I find a job. Know where I might get one?” I queried. I wouldn’t lie, I was kind of hoping Lachlan might offer up a server gig at the estate. Or anything, really.
Instead, he said, “I’ll ask around the village.”
Did he really not have an available position?
Or did he not want me working at his elite estate?
If it was the latter, which I suspected it was, it meant he didn’t trust me.
Great.
I really had my work cut out for me.
4
Thane
As he followed Gordanna Redburn through the bifold doors at the back of the house and onto the decking, Thane wondered who was interviewing who here.