‘I should never have let it go on so long, should I?’
‘Let’s not go there, shall we? What’s done is done.’
‘Sorry.’ He held out his hand. ‘Friends?’
I stared at his hand but kept mine firmly by my side as I shook my head. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t give you that. Not yet. Friends support each other through tough times and I can’t support you through this. It’s hard enough getting through it myself. To put it bluntly, you’ve lied to me, you’ve betrayed me, and you’ve taken away my hopes and plans for the future. Friends don’t do that.’
‘You hate me, then?’
‘Of course I don’t hate you, although I did when I found you together. I really hated you both at that moment, but I’ve got past that initial shock, and that’s not how I feel about you now. I’ll always love you, but I don’t like you very much at the moment. You have to know somebody to like them and I don’t know you anymore. I’d like to think that one day we can re-build some sort of friendship, but for now I need time and space. I asked you once before to stop texting me and you ignored it. I mean it this time. I really need you to stop getting in touch. I need you to let me fully get over us and build a new life for myself. Once I’ve done that, we can consider whether friendship might be back on the cards. Okay?’
‘Okay.’ He put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor. It hurt to see him so down, but it also felt so good to be finally standing up to him. My mother was wrong. I wasn’t that much a pushover. Well, not anymore, I wasn’t. It would have been easy to say yes to his offer of moving back in and having a baby, but I was stronger than that now. Much stronger.
I pushed my shoulders back and stood even taller. ‘I’m going now, but there’s two more things I have to say. Firstly, I don’t want to kick you when you’re down, but you probably won’t be surprised to know that I’ve seen a solicitor. I want a divorce and I need you to do whatever’s necessary to make it a speedy one. I think you owe me that, don’t you? Will you promise to co-operate?’
Gary nodded. ‘I never thought I’d be divorcing you.’
‘You’re not,’ I snapped. ‘I’m divorcing you.’ I sighed then added in a gentler tone, ‘Sorry, but you asked for that. Will you co-operate with the speedy divorce?’
He ran a hand over his beard then nodded. ‘I promise. I’ll find a solicitor and ensure everything’s handled quickly.’
‘Thank you.’
‘I’m so sorry. For everything.’
‘I know.’ I lifted my bag onto my shoulder. ‘I need to go now. Sort it out with Rob. I think your present state of mind is more about what’s going on with you two than us two, isn’t it?’
He didn’t answer.
‘Can I make a suggestion?’ I said. ‘Don’t tell Rob what we talked about. There’s no need to hurt him too. Make sure he knows that you don’t love me anymore and it’s him you want before you lose him as well.’
Gary nodded then followed me down the hall to the front door. ‘You said there were two things you wanted to say…?’
‘Oh yes. I don’t want to live here again, but I can’t stay with Kay forever so I need my share of the house. It’s up to you whether you sell up or buy me out. I’ll give you until next weekend to decide. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘Goodbye, Gary.’ I opened the door then hesitated on the doorstep. I gazed down at my left hand. It was time. We weren’t husband and wife, we weren’t lovers, we weren’t even friends. And we certainly weren’t going to be parents together. The rings no longer represented the future to me. I had a new future to write.
‘These are yours,’ I said, placing the three rings in his hand.
Gary looked down at them, his hands shaking slightly. ‘No! Please don’t do that.’
‘You’ll find the boxes in the top drawer of the dressing table.’
‘They’re yours. I know we’ve split up, but I want you to keep them.’ He tried to hand them back to me, but I backed down the path and onto the drive.
‘I can’t keep them and I don’t care whether you want me to because the important thing is that I don’t want to.’ Because that part of my life was now over and, somehow, I needed to find the strength to start over again. New home. New life. New routine. New beginnings. ‘Text me when you’ve made your mind up about the house.’
I heard his strangled sob as I opened Bertie’s door. It took every ounce of strength I had not to rush back and scream ‘yes’ to his offer because what if I was walking away from my one and only opportunity to have a baby? The thought terrified me. But so did the thought of having a baby and being forever connected to the man I’d loved and trusted since I was fourteen who’d lied to me all my life. And that fear was even greater.
12
✉︎ From Curtis
Get your dancing pants on, Red. I’ve got cover for the salon tomorrow so I’m on my way right now. Meet me at the station at 8, ready to go. If you don’t look slutty, you’ll be marched home to change, so choose carefully! Xx
‘Curtis!’ I flung my arms round him.
He picked me up and spun me in a circle in the middle of the platform.
I patted his biceps when he put me down. ‘Someone’s been working out.’
‘That’s nothing. Check this out.’ He swiftly removed his shirt, revealing a ripped stomach. A group of giggling girls wolf-whistled as they passed. Curtis licked his finger then rubbed one of his nipples with it in an extremely camp Austin-Powers-style pose.
I laughed. ‘I’ve missed you, but I’m going to regretfully ask you to put your clothes back on before you get us arrested for indecent exposure.’ The Station Manager was marching towards us with a face like thunder.
‘Spoilsport.’ He pulled his shirt back on. ‘Enough about me, though, let’s look at you, Red.’ He stepped back while I did a twirl. ‘Not bad at all. Not slutty, but I approve.’
I smoothed down the short flared skirt on the emerald green halter-neck dress. ‘I think you know me well enough to know that I have nothing in my wardrobe that fits that description.’
‘Even if you did, I don’t think “slutty” is a word that could ever be applied to you. You are, and always have been, classy. Shall we?’ He offered me his arm.
‘Don’t you have a bag?’ I asked, registering the absence of any luggage.
‘No. Even a wee bag would get in the way. I’ll borrow your toiletries and buy a new T-shirt tomorrow.’
‘And some pants,’ I suggested.
‘Why? I’m going commando now. I’ll do the same tomorrow.’
I laughed again. ‘Too much information.’
‘You asked. So, where first? I haven’t been out drinking in Whitsborough Bay since college and I’m desperately hoping the place has changed since then. Is there anywhere that does cocktails?’
‘Blue Moon. Follow me.’