“The fundamentals of the church structure have not changed in centuries.” She walked over and stood in front of him. “Look. Tell me what you notice.”
Ben turned in place and immediately saw what she was saying. “Where is the maqdas?”
The maqdas, or “holy of holies,” was a feature pointed out in every single Ethiopian Orthodox Church they’d visited. There was nothing in the ruin that suggested such a structure. It was a simple square stone building, though obviously fitted with niches, shelves, and concealed pockets.
“Exactly. There’s no maqdas here, so this is not a church.”
Now that she’d pointed them out, the scorch marks were obvious and everywhere. Ben kept his fingers off the stones, conscious of not spoiling the site any more than they already had. “So this was a treasury.”
“A dressed-stone structure” —she pointed at the painted wall— “richly decorated once. Located on the top of a mountain, burned by Yodit,” Tenzin said. “Rather by Saba and Arosh during their rage. Yes, I believe this was a treasury.”
“I understand Saba’s anger,” Ben said. “But why was Arosh with her? Did he have a connection to Desta?”
“He once loved her too,” Tenzin said. “That is what I have heard, though I don’t know if it was as a lover or as a daughter. Likely they were lovers at some point.”
Ben muttered, “Vampire families are so fucked up.”
“He wasn’t her sire,” Tenzin said. “She was Saba’s daughter.”
“And Arosh was Saba’s… consort? Lover? I don’t know. I know Giovanni said they shared a lot of blood, so they were mated.”
Unlike us.
“Saba shared blood with all of them,” Tenzin said. “So if that is all it takes to be mated, she was mated to Kato and Ziri as well.”
Ben tried not to let bitterness color his voice. “I’m just saying I don’t understand how Saba would be okay with her lover also being involved with her daughter.”
Tenzin spread her hands. “They are thousands and thousands of years old.”
“And that makes a difference why?”
“Because relationships change, Benjamin. Young vampires like your uncle or even Carwyn may not understand this, but what does a lifelong commitment mean to a being like Saba?”
“Or you?”
Fuck. He said that out loud. Ben felt the amnis coursing through his body like a pulse. The air around him whipped up, swirling dust devils along the surface of the ridge.
Tenzin rose in the air, her eyes fixed on Ben. “I am very happy with what we have become, Benjamin.”
“For now.” He nodded and swallowed the burning lump that had formed at the back of his throat. “For now you’re happy. Not bored. But not willing to be my mate. Even though you were willing to mate with Stephen and you claim that what we have is more.”
Tenzin’s face remained blank. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to be my mate!”
They had risen well above the earth now, surrounded by the wind and the darkness. The stars were brilliant and clear in the sky—not a cloud obscured them—and the ruins of the old treasury were forgotten in the dust below.
She said nothing, and Ben felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and lay splattered on the side of a mountain.
Why stop now?
“I want forever, okay? And I know I don’t realize what that means the way you do. I know that I am an idiotic baby compared to you. I know that. And I don’t care. I never wanted this life, but I told you I’m learning to love it like I promised. And I never wanted forever unless that meant I could have you.”
Her eyes weren’t angry. They were sad. “You don’t know what forever means.”
“I fucking know that, okay!” The air whipped around them. “I know! And maybe in five hundred years I’m going to regret it, but damn it, Tenzin, why the hell can’t you give me this? After everything we’ve been through, why won’t you be my mate?”
24
Tenzin stared at him, stared at the hurt on his face and his obvious passion. His love and his vulnerability would always be her greatest weakness.
You do not even know who you are.
He was so young, so blissfully unaware of the passage of time. To Ben, forever was romantic. To Ben, commitment meant things she couldn’t even fathom.
Don’t force me into a promise we both might regret.
But for now…
For now, she could give him an answer that might assuage him, even if it wasn’t the whole of the truth. It was part of it, and she could give him that.
Tenzin turned in the air, searching for any sense of others around—even a hint of another creature would be too much exposure to allow her confession.
She turned back to Ben and finally met his eyes. “Benjamin, sharing your blood is…”
Addicting.
Beyond pleasurable.
Thrilling.
Right.
She flew closer, reluctant to touch him. Their physical connection could be so distracting at times. “I would take your blood every night if I could. I would have your fangs in my own body every hour for nights on end.”
A red flush swelled his lips and drew her eyes.
Take him.
No. He is your weakness.
He is my strength.
“So take it,” he said. “That’s what I want. I’m telling you—”
“It’s complicated.” She touched a single finger to his mouth. “The first time I took your blood, on Penglai, the night you woke…” She leaned close and whispered in his ear. “That day was the first time I slept even a few moments in thousands of years.”
She felt his body seize and knew he understood the significance of the secret she had told him.
“You slept?”
“I slept.” She allowed the mix of emotions to color her voice. “I dreamed, my Benjamin. I didn’t know what to think at first. I didn’t understand.”
“You slept.” Ben sounded like he wanted to celebrate. He sounded happy. Relieved even. He slipped an arm around her waist and drew her close, pressing his cheek to hers. “You told me you miss sleep, so why don’t you want to—”
“The more I drink, the more I sleep. Right now we are in the heart of Saba’s territory. I don’t—”
“You think it makes you vulnerable.” Understanding dawned in his voice.
Or some version of it.
Tenzin said, “I know it makes me vulnerable. Trust me, there have been assassins sent to kill me in my day rest. Saba has many allies who would do her bidding, immortal and human.”
“So you don’t want to take my blood while we’re here because it will make you sleep more.”
And you don’t truly understand what forever means.
“Yes,” she said. “It’s just not wise right now. There is too much at stake. Your family is here, and I must not do anything to endanger—”
“Shhhh.” Now he put his own finger on her lips. “Tenzin, I understand.” He replaced his finger with his lips, and she liked that much better.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him closer, twisting into the night sky as his amnis cooled and settled. She could feel it in her own blood. He was there now. Though it had been weeks since she’d taken a sip of his blood, his amnis wasn’t leaving.