Penny rolled her eyes. “It’s not like that.”
“Hmm,” her mother hummed, neither agreeing nor disagreeing, but she did have a knack for seeing things clearly. Perhaps too clearly. “So, how did today go? Did you see Sam?”
Penny gave her a rundown of the day’s events. The only thing she left out was the kiss, for obvious reasons.
And really, what was there to say about that? Penny’s entire world had shifted, but nothing else had changed.
“I suppose it’s up to Jaxson and Sam now,” Addie said with a sigh. “I hope it works out for them.”
Penny did, too, though she wished she could be part of it.
* * *
Lenny arrived promptly at six. Dinner with Lenny was pleasant, as usual. Topics ranged from the upcoming Community Days celebration to whether or not the Sumneyville Bearcats—the local softball team, for which Lenny was a second baseman—had a shot at winning the regional league title.
Penny tried to pay attention—she really did—but her mind kept wandering back to Jaxson’s motel room.
“What do you think, Penny?” Lenny said.
Penny snapped back to the dining room to see everyone looking at her expectantly. “I’m sorry. What do I think about what?”
“The police officers picnic at the state park this weekend. Would you like to go?”
“Oh, I can’t. I have to work.”
“I think I can hold the fort for a few hours,” Addie said unhelpfully, a calculating gleam in her eye. “You should go. Have some fun.”
Penny forced a smile. “In that case, how can I say no?”
“Great. I’ll pick you up at noon?”
“Sure. Sounds awesome.”
* * *
“Something tells me you’re not happy about going to the picnic with Lenny,” Addie commented while they were doing the dishes later.
“What makes you say that?”
“Call it mother’s intuition.”
Penny didn’t know what to say to that, so she said nothing.
“You could do worse.”
“I know.” Penny dried the last dish and put it away.
She could hear the television in the living room, knew that her father was probably dozing off to some war documentary on the History channel. Her mother would be joining him soon enough, curling up with a book until she, too, felt the pull of sleep and began to nod off.
Was this what she had to look forward to someday? Was it wrong to want something more?
Penny felt too restless to watch TV or read and opted for a walk. The rain had moved on, leaving everything smelling fresh and clean. Twilight was ending, and dark hues of blue were creeping along the horizon. Lightning bugs flashed on and off; crickets and cicadas and tree frogs created a pleasant background hum.
She loved Sumneyville—she really did. Loved that she could take a walk at night and not have to worry about her safety. That she knew everyone she encountered along the way well enough to stop, and exchange pleasantries or have a brief chat.
She loved her family, too. And working in the flower shop.
But it wasn’t enough. As much as she took comfort in those things, she craved more. Like passion. Excitement. Near-violent kisses by storm clouds that sent bolts of lightning racing through her body.
Those things had been nothing more than vague notions at one time. Things she’d read in a romance novel or seen in movies. Things that people said didn’t actually happen in real life.
But now, she knew they were real because she’d felt them when Jaxson kissed her. The moment his lips had touched hers, it was as if a switch had flipped and something inside her had suddenly turned on.
Clearly, it hadn’t had the same effect on him, but even if she was the only one who had felt it, she couldn’t unfeel it. There was no going back.
The question was, what was she supposed to do now?
Penny walked for more than an hour, lost in her thoughts, when she decided to stop at the playground. Sinking down on the merry go round, she pushed with her foot before lying back and staring up at the stars.
She wasn’t unhappy, not really. Was she asking for too much? Wrong for wanting more?
“If you’re listening and you’re not too busy, I could use some guidance,” she said toward the heavens.
She held her breath, waiting for a sign. Something. Anything. The stars winked back at her. The crickets continued to chirp. A dog barked in the distance.
She pulled herself to sitting, wrapped her arms around the bars, and exhaled heavily.
“Good talk. Guess I have to figure this one out on my own, huh?”
“Well,” said a deep, quiet voice from out of the darkness, “That depends on what it is you’re trying to figure out.”
Chapter Eighteen
Jaxson
After Penny left his motel room, Jaxson wasn’t far behind. He had to get out of there. Away from the carnations and the lingering tingles.
Holy shit, that kiss. It was screwing with his mind, making him think things he shouldn’t be thinking. At the top of that list was wondering if the rest of her curvy body was as sweet and soft as her lips. What it would feel like to sink into all that fragrant softness and feel her come apart around him.
He couldn’t do any of those things, no matter how much he wanted to. She was off-limits. A townie. And a good girl at that. Definitely not a no-strings type.
He couldn’t satisfy his craving and walk away, which meant that he needed to keep his thoughts to himself along with the other parts that wanted to focus solely on her. Hands, lips, tongue ... yeah.
And regardless of what she’d said, the local badge had laid his claim.
The thought rankled him.
Though he had to grudgingly admit that the cop was a better match for Penny than he was. Even if Lenny was a douche, he was probably a consistent, reliable douche with standing in the small community. The kind who would stick around and provide the stability necessary for that white picket fence and two-point-whatever kids.
Jaxson couldn’t offer her anything more than a night of hot, sweaty sex.
He paused. He wasn’t even sure he could offer her that. He hadn’t been with anyone since the blast. Technically, everything still worked, but his back and hips had taken a beating. It hadn’t been a concern because he hadn’t felt an inkling of desire ... until he’d lost his goddamn mind and kissed Penny.
Disgusted with himself, he grabbed his jacket and did what he always did when it felt like the world was closing in on him. He climbed on his bike and went for a ride to clear his head. He needed to remember why he’d come to Sumneyville in the first place—to find out if Ilsa was his mother, and if so, what the hell had happened.
He had to stop thinking about Penny and her kissable lips, lush body, and big brown eyes.
Then, he needed to talk to Sam. She was the key. He felt it in his aching bones.
Jaxson cruised the main strip, earning enough curious looks to have him going farther out. Didn’t they have motorcycles in Sumneyville? Maybe not. The only others he’d seen were in Zeb Stoltzfus’s garage. Every other vehicle he’d seen was a truck or a Jeep or an economical sedan.
Except for one baby-blue bug, of course.
He briefly considered going to O’Malley’s and then nixed that idea. If Lenny the cop mosied in all smug-like, bragging about his dinner with Penny, Jaxson might be tempted to punch him in the face, and that wasn’t going to help his cause any.