He laughed. “Pissed where we come from means drunk.”
“Ah.”
We stepped onto the boat, and he turned on the lights. He didn’t turn on the boat, though. We just sat on opposite ends of the bench seat and floated.
Leo’s gaze landed on my chest. “Fuck whatever my cousin says. You look adorable in that shirt.”
“I’m sure people look at the way I dress sometimes and roll their eyes. They would never know I graduated from Harvard and am about to enter law school. But I like cute and whimsical things that make me smile. So sue me.”
“It’s all part of what makes you unique. You don’t give a fuck. At the same time, you look amazing in whatever you wear—even with a cartoon kitty face on your shirt, all I see is the beautiful woman inside of it.” His eyes moved over me before he looked out toward the water. “Do you want to take a ride, or…”
“I think we should just sit here. I want to be able to talk, and we can’t do that if the motor is running.”
“Okay.” He smiled.
I looked down at my shirt. “So…there’s a bit more to Hello Kitty, actually, than just me liking it.”
“What’s that? Tell me.”
“It reminds me of my mother…before she died.” I looked up at the stars. “There was a Sanrio store at the mall. She’d take me there and let me pick out Hello Kitty trinkets. That’s one of the few memories I have with my mother. Whenever I look at this cat, it reminds me of that innocent time in my life. You’d think it might make me sad, but for some reason, it doesn’t. It takes me back to those simple moments before everything changed.”
“That makes sense. Nothing is ever shallow when it comes to you.”
As he looked into my eyes, I summoned my courage. “Why haven’t you kissed me?”
His eyes widened. “You think I haven’t wanted to kiss you?”
“I don’t know. It seems like you’re intentionally staying away. You haven’t asked me to go anywhere, either. I just thought—”
“You’re right. I’m a bit scared to kiss you again. Because the last time I did, I wasn’t even on this damn Earth anymore. I’d never felt anything like it. That carpark didn’t exist. You told me certain things were off limits, and I don’t trust myself not to take things too far.” He exhaled. “I’ve been walking on eggshells because I don’t want to push you into something you’ll regret.”
The only regret I had at this point was having made him feel that way. “I’m struggling with what I said to you in my room that night—the boundary I set. Sometimes I blurt things I’m worried about before I think them through. It’s like I’m afraid I’ll change my mind, so I make sure I get it out.”
“You’ve changed your mind about what you said?” he asked in a low voice.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “Sometimes the things that scare me the most are the things I really want.”
He swallowed. “You know what I think, Felicity?”
“What?”
“I think we shouldn’t worry about it so much. Boundaries, no boundaries. I think we need to let life happen and see how it goes.” He reached out his hand. “You with me?”
I took it and smiled, enjoying the warmth of his skin a little too much.
He looked out at the water again. “I’m not gonna promise I won’t hurt you. I think we’ve already established that’s a given. We’re both going to end up hurt. But I promise to make every moment with you matter up until that time.”
I needed to trust him. “Okay.”
“There’s something else I need to say,” he added.
I nodded.
“I know we previously compared what we’re doing together this summer to a losing game. But I want to make something clear. As long as I’m here, as long as we’re together, this is a relationship, not a game, to me. And even if it has to end, it’s no less valuable than if it lasted forever. We have a tendency in life to judge the value of a relationship by how long it lasts. But some of the worst ones are the longest-lasting. A connection between two people is no less valuable if cut short by circumstances.” His eyes glowed in the moonlight. “You already mean so much to me.”
Emotions bubbled up inside me; I’d really needed to hear that.
“I’m so glad you came over tonight,” he said.
“Me too.”
He looked toward the house. “After they eat, I’m certain he’s going to take the Marias upstairs. Maybe it will be safe to go inside then. We can have the living room to ourselves.”
I shrugged. “Either way. I don’t care if they’re there as long as we get to hang out.”
“Hanging out with you is becoming one of my favorite things,” he said.
His admission made me feel guilty. Something I’d done last night before bed started to weigh on me. “I have a confession, Leo, and I don’t know if you’re gonna like it.”
His body went rigid. “All right.”
“Remember how you said you Googled me once?”
“Yeah?” He gulped.
“Well, I did the same to you. It started because I wanted to learn about the peerage system and the world you come from without having to ask you a million questions. That unfortunately led to other internet searching.”
His expression fell. “Find anything interesting?”
“Lots, actually,” I said.
“I’m sure.” He scrubbed his hand over his face, looking frustrated. “It sucks that getting to know me has to involve history lessons and research.”
Shit. “You’re upset at me.”
“No. No, of course not. I’m surprised it took you so long, to be honest. It’s just...all of that is not a representation of who I am. Not the history, of course. But the gossip part. It’s lies, mostly. Some paparazzo snapping a photo of me and some girl they think is my future wife, when in fact, we’d probably just met. Or saying I’m buying cocaine when it was weed, which I rarely smoke, but of course they’ll make me out to be a massive drug addict. Basically, it’s rubbish ninety-nine percent of the time. So it’s useless.”
“I understand that.”
“Do you?” He searched my eyes.
“Yes. I do.”
“Well, then, you’re smart. Many people aren’t. They just believe what they read. You’ll never get to know me through some high-society gossip rag.”
I hated that I’d upset him. More than that, I hated that I’d disappointed him.
“Your mother is very beautiful,” I added.
“That she is. Thank you.”
“I can see a lot of her face in yours.”
“Are you saying you think I’m beautiful, then?” He winked. “So, what other things did you dig up?”
I was afraid to ask the next question, but he seemed open to further inquisition.
“Do you have a brother?”
His expression darkened. “Where did you read that?”
“There was this website that listed the family trees of a bunch of landowning, aristocratic families. You know how it is with internet searching—it leads you down one rabbit hole to the next. Anyway, it listed both Leo and Thomas as the children of your parents, Leo and Scarlet. You had said you were an only child, so I was curious.”