Her arms curled around her body, as if she was hugging herself.
“I couldn’t say anything in the room because I was afraid it might be bugged. I was also worried I’d be wrong. I didn’t want to get your hopes up about Cyrus being innocent just to have to dash them and shoot the guy in the chest in front of—” Jinx stopped. Wrong thing to say. Way too graphic. But if it had come to it, if Cyrus had been a threat to Ali, Jinx would have shot him.
She didn’t speak.
He kept going. “I wanted you wearing the bulletproof vest because honestly—I trust you. I trust War. I trust Odin. Most days, I trust Ramsey, when he isn’t being insane.” Jinx sucked in a heaving breath. “I didn’t trust Landon. I was waiting for him to hang himself, and he did. He’s going down, your friend has been exonerated, and the nightmare for you is over. You are safe and clear, and I’m so fucking sorry that I hurt you. I will be sorry for a thousand years because your tears are wrecking me and I know I destroyed your faith in me, and all I fucking wanted to do was love you and…”
She shook her head.
Jinx had to swallow because a damn lump was in his throat, choking him. Ali doesn’t love me. She was too hurt. Too angry. He’d feared he’d screw this up with her. From the beginning. From the moment he’d met her, he’d just wanted…
I wanted her to be mine. I wanted to love her.
And he did.
But by keeping the deal with Landon from her, he’d destroyed everything. He’d wanted to protect her. Wanted to make Landon think he was safe, but…
Jinx’s head fell forward. He stared down at his shoes. There were some things in the world that couldn’t be fixed. He knew that.
Hadn’t he tried and tried to fix his family? Tried so desperately to get his dad to stop the drugs and the drinking? It hadn’t worked.
Then hadn’t he fought to keep Ramsey with him, only to have his brother run away?
And when he’d fallen for Ali, hadn’t he known that he wouldn’t be good for her? That his cursed life would wind up hurting her and Ali would leave him? He’d tried to be so careful, but in the end, he’d screwed up.
“It would have been you,” he rasped.
He lifted his hands. Realized he’d clenched them into fists. All I do is hurt and destroy. Jinx cleared his throat. “Just so you know…it would have been you. If I had to choose between you and my brother, I would choose you, every time. Because I love my brother, but you are my life.” There. Done.
His head lifted.
She stared at him in shock. Her eyes were wide, and the tear tracks glistened on her cheeks.
“Ali…?”
Her lips parted. She tried to speak. Stopped. Shook her head.
Right. He was making this hard on her. Ugly. She didn’t want some dramatic breakup scene, but he’d had to try and explain. And he’d needed her to know how he felt.
Jinx turned away, then realized he was just facing Landon’s room again. War and Imari were still in there.
Ali grabbed him. Wrenched him back around. “I—” She heaved out a breath. “I was coming to tell you that my mother didn’t give up on me.”
What?
“Cyrus found out that my mom’s note to me was fake. Landon did that. He wanted to make sure that I’d cut all ties with the life I had before. He and his boss worked together on that. They did the same shit to Cyrus, only he got suspicious because he said his family never cared a shit about him. Didn’t make sense for them to send him some cut-you-out-of-my-life note. Cyrus talked to my mom before she passed. She loved me. She always loved me.”
“That’s wonderful, sweets. But I’m not surprised. You’re easy to love.” Jinx gave her a small smile. “Excuse me.” He pulled away from her, narrowed his eyes, and spun for Landon’s door.
“Wait! What are you doing?” She tugged on him, but he didn’t stop.
“Going to cause someone a whole hell of a lot of well-deserved pain.”
Ali jumped into his path. “Do you know why I came to tell you about my mom?”
She needed to scoot so he could go and rip open Landon’s stitches.
“It’s because you are the person who matters most to me. I had this news that changed the way I looked at my life—my past and my present and my future, and I couldn’t wait to find you and tell you about it.”
But…she’d been crying.
Because the news had been good and bad and it had hurt her. “I…thought you were angry with me.”
Her head tilted. “Jinx…”
Ali…
Her lips lifted into a small smile. “You really think that I didn’t know you lied to Landon?”
“I—”
She slid closer to him. “You really think that I didn’t know you would tell him anything necessary to protect your brother? Family matters to you, it always has.”
“Ali…”
“Ramsey is family to you, I get that. But I also get that I’m family. War is. Odin is. You would protect us all, and if you had to lie to do it, I get that you wouldn’t think twice.” She leaned up on her toes. “Spoiler alert, I’d do the same thing for you.”
His heart was racing far too fast. Just moments before, he’d been sure his heart had been ripped out and tossed on the floor, but now, it was shaking in his chest.
“Do you know why I went to see Ramsey the day that Imari had her raid at his place?” Ali asked him softly.
Uh, actually… “Why?”
“Because I didn’t want your brother doing something stupid—”
“Oh, he does stupid shit all the time. Can’t help himself.”
Her eyes seemed to gleam. “I didn’t want him doing something stupid—like chasing down the bad guy without you and me as backup—and getting himself killed. I didn’t want him getting hurt because I know how much you do love him. I was ready to threaten Ramsey, to make deals with him, to do anything I needed to do because I wanted to protect you.” She paused a beat. “Sound familiar?”
He could not look away from her. “You forgive me for that BS deal with Landon?”
She grabbed his shirtfront. Fisted her hands in the fabric. “I love you. I trust you. Love and trust go hand in hand with me. Because I love you, I trust that you won’t sell me out. That’s just how it works.”
He wanted to scoop her up and get her the hell out of that hospital and far away from everyone else and just keep her locked in his bedroom for at least a week. But… “What about Cyrus?”
“Oh, he doesn’t like you at all.”
Jinx frowned. Then realized he didn’t give a damn.
“But he’ll come around,” Ali promised. She pulled him toward her. “Because he wants me to be happy and the best way for me to be happy? It’s for me to be living my life with you for the next fifty years. For you to love me, for me to love you, and for us to make and break rules left and right.”
“Sweets…” If he started kissing her, he would not stop. Screw being in a hospital and having a cop or agent or whoever he was just a few feet away. The guy had been uncomfortably witnessing the whole scene between them.
“But just one thing first.” She was on her tiptoes. So very, very close to his mouth. “A point that we need to cover.”