“What kind of bad shit?” She frowned and leaned closer, curious now. “Just what is it Karl and those men are involved in? Is it the mob?”
“The mob?” He looked as if he wanted to chuckle at that so she scowled at him. “He’s a drug dealer. Some kind of boss or something. Cameo’s brother skimmed money off his area’s takings and Karl found out… and killed him… after he had told Karl that Cameo had the money.”
“Fuck.” It was the only response that sounded right in her mind. She had known Karl and the other men were bad news, but now that Knox had told her what they were and what they had done, it all felt so real. What the hell had she been thinking getting caught up in this? She should have listened to her gut. But at the time she had agreed to help Karl, her gut had been saying do it and she knew why. She sighed and muttered, “The shit I do for money.”
“Money?” Knox leaned over the counter, resting his elbows on the black granite, closing the distance between them. His eyes searched hers as she lifted them to lock with his, that hint of worry they seemed to constantly hold when he was around her shining in them. “Why do you need money?”
She swallowed the rest of the whiskey, needing the numbing effect of it if she was going to talk about this, was going to open this wound and expose it to him.
She wasn’t expecting him to kiss it better, but she needed to talk to someone about it. There were countless times she had come close to telling her staff, but every time she had lost her nerve, fearing that if she told them the bar was in trouble, they would leave to find another job rather than trying to help her save it. Deep in her heart she knew they wouldn’t, knew they were her best friends and they always had her back, would help her through her troubles, but it didn’t stop her from being scared.
Knox had that look in his eyes, one that made her feel he wanted to help her and needed to know what was wrong. He had looked at her like that so many times in the past, and every time she had opened up to him, and things had been better.
She wanted things to be better this time too.
Her gaze darted between his, a need welling inside her, pushing her to tell him.
To let him in.
“You can talk to me, Skye,” he husked as his fair eyebrows furrowed, the tenderness in his deep voice and the look that crossed his handsome face warming her and giving her the strength she badly needed.
She knew she could talk to him. She always had been able to. He was a good listener, for her at least, and she had always found it so easy to tell him all her troubles. That hadn’t changed. Something about him made her want to share the burden weighing heavily upon her heart. The same something that made her feel he was on her side as he waited, his gaze soft and steady, not rushing her but biding his time.
Because he knew she would tell him.
Just as she knew she could tell him anything and there wouldn’t be any judgement. He wouldn’t belittle her for coming dangerously close to failing at her dream. He would lift her up and help her, would support her and be the voice of comfort, one that would restore her strength and her faith that she could fix her problems.
“My bar.” She sighed. “It’s not doing so great right now. I can’t lose it, Knox. That bar… it means everything to me.”
“I know.”
She shook her head, relief from finally talking to someone about this colliding with a desperate need to make him understand that her words hadn’t been shallow, something anyone might say about something they loved.
He poured her another glass and topped his one up as she gathered her thoughts.
She smiled as he slid the glass back to her and she toyed with it.
“A few years after Billy died… He was my brother…” She wasn’t sure she had ever talked about him to Knox. The surprise that shone in his eyes when she looked at him said she had neglected to mention Billy and she felt a little bad about it because he had told her about his family. “I don’t really like to talk about him to others.”
She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to tell him that. Maybe it was the edge his gaze had, one that said he was a little irritated that he hadn’t known she’d had a brother.
“I guess I should go further back.” She swigged her whiskey and smiled tightly, trying to keep things light because she could already feel the hurt welling inside her, didn’t want to let it drag her down to a point where she might do something terrible—like cry in front of Knox. “Might need another shot of this.”
She waggled the glass at him, but his expression remained serious, his gaze searing her as he stared at her, as if he was willing her to talk and confess everything, to cleave a hole in her armour and let him see the other side.
The part of her she always kept hidden.
She sighed as he uncorked the bottle and poured more whiskey into her glass, watched the amber liquid flowing into it and swirling around. “We were both pretty reckless. Wild ones. We used to do everything together. Hiking. Kayaking. Rock-climbing. I wanted so badly to be like him. I pushed myself… hard sometimes. I did things that were way outside my comfort zone.”
“Because you wanted your brother to see you in a positive light. You wanted him to love you as much as you loved him.” He glanced down at his glass. “I get that.”
She bet that he did. The urge to reach over and touch his hand was strong, the need to feel a physical connection to him flooding her with a desire to surrender to it this time. She needed the strength that would come from that connection, from feeling she wasn’t alone.
She sipped her whiskey, hoping to find the courage she needed in it instead. “The day it happened… It was my birthday. I had just turned nineteen and Billy wanted to do something wild to celebrate. It was me, my now-ex and my brother. Billy suggested climbing and the weather was good for it, so I agreed. Shaw convinced him to swap an easier climb for one that was challenging even for a professional. Billy didn’t look sure about it, and I knew in my gut he was trying to buy all of us an out by asking me to decide… If I wanted to climb it, then we would. God… I should have said no… but I didn’t want to look like a scaredy cat in front of Shaw and I wanted Billy to see… It doesn’t matter.”
She stared at her drink as the events of that day played out in her mind as if they had just happened.
“We weren’t that high off the ground when I slipped. Billy was above me with Shaw higher still, and I hadn’t secured myself properly. The wire came loose and the whole of my weight pulled on Billy. It was a blur after that. I swung and hit a rock that jutted out, broke my damned leg. Billy tried to get to me and… I should have gone with my gut. It was the last thing I thought as Billy—” She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, not wanting to see him hitting the ground again, not wanting to watch him falling past her. “I was stupid. Reckless. I got my brother killed.”
“You were a kid.” Those words weren’t a comfort to her.
She shook her head as her throat closed and tears burned the backs of her eyes. Her voice was tight as she said, “It felt as if my entire world had just fallen apart. Everything just took a backseat for me. My life got put on pause for a long time. I just sort of drifted. A few years after his death, my parents decided to move to the coast. They wanted me to go with them.”