“Freya took them out for ice cream.” Freya is one of the neighbor’s kids. She’s sixteen and she recently began babysitting for us, but we generally only hire her at night, when we’re taking Lo out to dinner, so this is unusual.
I dump my gym bag on the ground, running a hand through my freshly-washed hair. “Is there a reason we needed to offload the rugrats?”
The guys trade looks, and I’m instantly on guard.
“Yeah.” Galen stands. “We need to talk to you, and we didn’t want the kids around.”
My hackles are instantly raised, and I fold my arms across my chest, leveling them with a dark look. “You know how I feel about being ambushed,” I snarl.
“And you know how we feel about Lo,” Theo coolly replies, rising to stand beside Galen.
“Let’s talk inside,” Caz says. “We don’t want anything carrying on the wind.”
I follow them inside, my heart heavy with the knowledge of what’s about to be said. For the first time in a long time, I find myself in isolation, and it’s not a good place to be. Theo and Caz drop down on one of the couches in the living room while Galen flops onto the other one. I stand, crossing my arms over my chest again, bracing myself for it.
“Sit down, man,” Galen says.
“I’d rather stand.”
“We just want to talk this out like civilized adults,” Theo says. “There’s no need to raise proverbial fists. We’re family, and we need to discuss this. Just sit down and relax.”
“That’s not how we roll,” Caz adds. “It seems we’ve all forgotten that.”
Reluctantly, I sit down, still eyeing them warily. “I know what you’re going to say, and you shouldn’t get involved. This is between Lo and me.”
Galen sits up straighter. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. This affects all of us, and it’s gone on too long. You’re being a dick, and if you don’t stop hurting her, we have a big problem.”
I clench my fists into balls. “I know things are a little strained, but you can’t accuse me of hurting her. I would never hurt her. You all know that.”
“We know it’s not intentional,” Theo says, always the peacemaker. “But you are hurting her, Saint. We all see it.”
I drag a hand through my hair. “You don’t understand because it wasn’t like this for any of you. She got pregnant like that all the previous times”—I snap my fingers—“and we weren’t concerned with who the father was, because it didn’t matter back then.”
“Does it really matter now?” Caz asks, softening his tone as he leans his elbows on his knees. “The kids adore you, man. Who cares which blood flows through their veins? They are ours in all the ways that count. We are all Westbrooks.”
“It matters to me. I fucking care.” I thump a hand over my heart, swallowing thickly over the painful lump in my throat. “I love Bishop, Luna, and Rora with my whole heart, but I want my own kid with Lo. Are you telling me you wouldn’t feel the same way in my shoes?”
The silence is deafening.
“Exactly.” I slump back on the couch.
“We don’t know how we would feel,” Galen says, his face radiating compassion. “Perhaps we would feel how you feel, but I’d like to think you’d intervene if you saw me obsessing and hurting our wife in the process.”
“What the actual fuck?” I roar, throwing my hands in the air. I know I might have gone a tad bit overboard, but throwing that shit at me isn’t cool. “I’m not obsessing. I’ve been educating myself so I’m well informed. So we have every chance to conceive. I don’t want Lo to feel like it’s all on her, so I’m sharing the responsibility.”
“You’re taking it too far,” Caz says. “You’re losing sight of what’s important in your quest to knock her up.”
I jump to my feet. “Who fucking died and made you the expert?” I jab my finger in Caz’s direction. “You don’t get to dictate to me about this.”
“I fucking do when you’re stressing our wife out and upsetting her,” he replies, climbing to his feet and glaring at me.
“Everyone, calm down.” Theo stands, his gaze bouncing between us. “We’ll get nowhere if this continues.”
“If Lo’s so upset, why hasn’t she come to me?”
“Because I was afraid of hurting you,” she says from behind me. I whip around, surprised to see her leaning against the doorframe.
“Why are you home early?” Theo asks, his brow furrowing as his gaze rakes over her. “And why do you look like you were crying?”
“Because I was,” she says, offering us a weak smile.
“Because of me?” I ask, her words registering in my stubborn brain. It seems the guys were right. I’ve hurt her unknowingly, and I hate myself for it. Lo is my everything. I never want her to feel like she’s not.
“Because of the situation,” she quietly replies, pushing off the doorway. “I talked with Jazz.” She holds up one hand when I open my mouth to speak. “And I’m not apologizing for that. I should have talked to her months ago, but I didn’t want to disrespect your wishes.”
“I don’t want others knowing our business,” I say, working hard to keep the anger from my voice. It’s bad enough I can’t knock her up. The last thing I need is everyone in our circle finding out.
“She’s my best friend, Saint. She won’t gossip.” She steps closer, and I note the redness surrounding her sad eyes.
“Come here, baby.” Theo opens his arms, and she readily falls into them. He squeezes his eyes shut as he holds her to him, pressing kisses into her hair.
A sob rips from her mouth, and it kills me. It fucking kills me. How did I not see this?
“Lo,” I croak, taking a step toward her, but Theo shakes his head, cautioning me to stay back.
“I’m so sorry, Saint,” she cries, her words muffled against Theo’s chest. “I hate that I’m letting you down, but I can’t keep doing this. It’s destroying me.”
Everything locks up inside me. “You don’t want a baby with me?” I hear how cold my voice is, but her words are tearing strips off my heart.
“No!” She lifts her head, pinning me with tearstained sad eyes.
My breath stutters in my chest, and I rub at the piercing ache ripping across my ribcage.
“I mean yes,” she quickly replies, shucking out of Theo’s arms. “This isn’t coming out right.” She strides to me, cupping my face in her hands. “Of course, I want a baby with you. I love you, Saint. Nothing would make me happier.”
“But?” ’Cause I sense one coming.
She lowers her hands to her sides. “But it’s not going to happen unless we make changes.”
“I don’t understand.”
Her tongue darts out, wetting her lips, and she bites on the corner of her mouth. I have a sudden urge to kiss her, to kiss all her worries away, but I don’t think she’d appreciate it right now. “Can we sit down?” She gestures toward the couch.
“Do you want us to go, Lo?” Theo asks.