“Only you. Forever. No matter what.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise.”
Her voice twisted through the room. A ghost. A specter.
Frantic, I moved for the closet in the bedroom and grabbed my backpack from the top shelf. I started shoving in a few things that I had to have, hands shaking like a bitch, before I moved into the bathroom to get my things in there. I knocked half the shit sitting on the counter onto the floor.
Not taking the time to pick it up, I left it and ran out into the living room to grab my notebook and my drumsticks, and I shoved them inside the bag.
I could send for the rest of my shit later.
I had to get out of there.
Right then.
No more playing these games.
Tiptoeing into a field of landmines where I’d already planted the bombs.
I knew full well where not to step, but my feet were treading there, anyway.
I tossed my backpack over my shoulder, grabbed my phone, and tapped out a message.
Me: Yo, Rhys. Change of plans. I’m heading back to Charlotte. Let Emily and Richard know I’m going to be in town.
A few seconds later, my phone buzzed.
Rhys: What the fuck, man, waking me up at the ass crack of dawn to give me some shady-ass message. Only good reason for waking a man from his beauty rest is to tell him you won the lottery or there is a fight going down and you need a real man for backup. Doesn’t sound like either of those to me. So what? You bailing on Sunder? Or did they kick you? Drummin’ not good enough?
Could tell he was trying to inject some humor into this shit. Guy always doing his own tiptoeing while slinging a load of bullshit.
Talking me down from the ledge I always teetered on. Like if he rambled enough of his nonsense, he would get a few true words from me. Guess he knew me better than I wanted him to.
Me: Just . . . changed my mind.
Rhys: Bullshit.
Me: Doesn’t matter.
Rhys: Sounds like it does to me.
I squeezed the phone in my hand, tipping my face toward the ceiling and gritting my teeth like it might rid me of the shame.
Problem was, I wasn’t entirely sure where it was coming from, which was completely fucked in itself.
Girl had messed with my mind.
My pulse screamed, roaring in my ears, and I had a pretty damned good idea that she was messing with my heart, too.
Me: Just deliver the message, would you?
Needed to get back to my band. To my music. To my one reprieve.
And relief was not something I was going to find with the words I was writing here.
I grabbed my keys from the high bar, rushed back through the guest-house door, and headed for the gate.
I shouldn’t have looked back.
I knew it. But I’d never claimed not to be a goddamn fool, and I didn’t think I was physically strong enough to ignore the fucking hook that had sank into my back.
My eyes raced, already moving, drawn to their destination.
Through the far windows in the main house in the kitchen, my eyes tangled with hers where I knew she was standing at the sink.
Sable eyes.
Fathomless.
Bottomless.
They speared me from all the way across the yard. She might as well have been standing right in front of me.
Hurt.
Sorrowed.
Rejection bleeding out.
Worst part was the acceptance that I found there. Like she’d already known I would let her down, exactly the way I’d promised her I was going to do.
Emotion wobbled at the corner of my mouth. A pathetic smile. A halfhearted apology.
Truth was, I was sorry.
I was fucking sorry, but it didn’t change anything.
Forcing myself to turn, I let myself out the gate. I jabbed in the code on the pad to the side-door of the garage harder than necessary, keys getting stuck, like they were pissed off by this whole situation, too.
Rejecting what had to be done.
But it did.
Couldn’t allow my judgement to get clouded any farther. Couldn’t let myself sink any deeper.
Pushing the button to lift the third garage where my bike was parked, I went straight for it.
I flung my leg over the seat and settled myself onto the heavy metal, grabbed the handle bars, and squeezed them tight.
Trying to focus through the turmoil.
Through the betrayal of feelings that seethed inside.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mumbled, pinching my eyes closed and trying to get myself together. I needed to reclaim my purpose.
What terrified me was that picture was getting vague. Distorted at the edges. Changing shape.
I forced myself to kick over the engine. The motor rumbled low, power vibrating through my body. I pulled back the throttle, revving it, doing my best to convince myself to pop it into gear.
Nothing.
No will.
Go, Leif. You’ve got to get the hell out of here before you lose your cool.
Yeah, that didn’t work because I climbed off my bike.
I stared at it before I turned to glare at the door that I’d just come through like it was going to swallow me up.
I couldn’t believe that I’d been so reckless.
That I’d allowed myself to feel this.
That I was actually just going to walk away like a fucking coward. No care for the girl who’d given herself to me. Who’d offered me care and kindness.
Love just because she was willing to let a piece of herself go even at the risk of getting trampled.
“Fuck it.”
Maybe staying here for a minute was exactly what she needed. Maybe Lyrik was right. Maybe they needed another set of eyes watching over them.
Offering a little good.
At least that was what I was telling myself when I jammed the button to close the garage, tossed open the door, and stormed back up the sidewalk.
I buzzed through the gate, legs carrying me faster than they should as I made my way along the edge of the pool toward the main house.
Truth was, I had no idea how to face what was waiting inside for me.
And still, I was unable to stop.
Damn the consequences.
Here I was, stepping into Eden. Just a quick deviation on my way to Hell.
I let my backpack slide from my shoulder and drop to the ground, never slowing, just picking up speed while that bitch Karma ran along beside me ranting in my ear.
She could fuck off right about then.
I punched in the code, threw open the door, and stepped into the great room.
No doubt, I appeared half deranged. Raging. Body shaking with a type of adrenaline that I didn’t know how to shake.
Violence, I got.
But this?
It was an entirely different thing.
Kids were in the living room, but I moved right for Mia who was in the kitchen. She gasped and whirled around, and she leaned against the refrigerator door for support.
The girl the best thing that I had ever seen.
Wearing a silky robe that was doing stupid things to my head and desperate things to my dick.
I eased her way, and those sable eyes that had already told me goodbye filled with caution and confusion, and it was clear from the moisture still clouding them that I’d made her cry.
“I . . . I thought you left,” she whispered over a harsh breath.
An entire gulf separated us. A sea that I didn’t know how to cross.