“Oh my God!” Margo heard herself gasp.
“Oh my God,” Diana yelled. “Mom? Crap! Mom?”
Margo slapped her hand over her eyes and padded backward, into the hallway, until she felt her back up against the wall.
Her daughter was in bed with a man. Could they have just been sleeping?
She rolled her eyes at her own naivete. No, dummy, she wasn’t.
But this was her Diana. Her Diana, who was probably mortified and embarrassed, probably more than Margo was at the moment.
Hand still over her eyes, Margo heard Diana and this man share a few words, and then she detected the shuffle of footsteps. She caught a whiff of cologne that surely wasn’t her daughter’s fragrance.
Her face lit on fire.
“Mom?” Diana said now.
Margo lowered her hand tentatively and opened her eyes. Diana was at the doorway, wearing pajamas, her hair piled neatly on top of her head. She stepped aside, a gesture for Margo to enter. As Margo passed, Diana said, “I can’t … I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I know. Me either.” She spun around at the entryway; all her thoughts were at the tip of her tongue, and they leaped without encouragement. “I just couldn’t let you do this on your own. I was scared. Am scared. But whatever happens here, we’re a team, you know?
Diana’s face broke out into a smile, the kind that made it all the way up to her eyes. She slinked an arm around Margo’s. “I’m sorry I was a little hard on you.”
“It’s okay. I needed to hear it.” She sniffed, tears brimming. This was the most emotion she’d seen from Diana in a long, long time, and she relished their close proximity, this moment. “I was wrong not to come in the first place.”
“I just wished … you hadn’t seen that.”
“Diana.” She looked at her daughter in the eyes. “You won’t get a lecture from me.”
Diana started, as if she were a volcano about to explode, then paused. “I won’t?”
“Am I scarred for life? Yes. But will I judge you? No. You’re a grown woman. I trust you to make your own decisions.”
Diana crossed the room and sat on the bed, and Margo followed her in. “I don’t normally do that, Ma. But it felt … and he was … I mean, it’s been a while since …”
Margo finished Diana’s sentences for her. Margo understood, and well. “You felt comfortable and safe with him. A connection, right?”
She nodded. “Like he could read my mind. It’s not serious, of course, but tonight, he just made me laugh. Even when you walked in and after, there wasn’t any weirdness at all. Is this TMI?”
Margo swallowed. “Look, I’ve always said that you and I would be honest with each other, that you could tell me everything, and I meant it.” Though, without admitting it, the idea of her daughter telling her everything sent a flush through her. Just when she thought that she couldn’t possibly learn more about motherhood, something like this happened.
“Well, nothing’s going to come of it. When we said goodbye, we made no plans to see each other again.”
“Okay, but if something else comes up, we’re going to have to figure out a plan. Deal? I wouldn’t want to barge in on your privacy again.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice. I think I’m as traumatized as you are.”
part four Dusk
Dusk is the time when men whisper of matters about which they remain silent in the full light of the sun.
—Simon Raven
New Guinea
September 5, 1944
My dearest Leora,
Yesterday, my sergeant gave me a telegram from Sister Agnes from St. Anne’s Church. It only had two sentences. Fourteen words that have changed my life.
My father is dead. His heart was weak—I knew that before leaving. And he died in his sleep and was discovered after he didn’t show up to work at the restaurant.
My grief is overwhelming, as thick as the brush here, as confusing as the dialect the people speak. All this time, I worried for his safety from other people. From the corrupt who wanted to take advantage of him. I did not think that he would die of natural causes.
I wrote to Onofre separately so that he can check on where my father was buried. I know I cannot risk you and our baby, but can you try to find him, too? Tend to his plot? Though he did not approve of us, he knew you are a good person. He knew that I love you.
I am depleted. My legs are heavy, my eyelids weighed down with stones. I am so sad, and I am mad at myself. Could I have stayed? Should I have? First with my father, and of course with you and our baby. Now that he is gone, I feel like I’ve lost the connection to my home. I am fighting aimlessly in this limbo, in between two countries, in between two parts that make up me.
Iniibig kita,
Antonio
Chapter Sixteen
A sliver of light peeked through the blackout curtains, slicing Diana’s dark hotel room in half. It extended all the way across to the bathroom now—Diana had been watching it for the past forty-five minutes. She barely slept.
How could she have slept after her botched escapade with Crew? She’d almost made a monumental mistake with that man. Not that he was horrible or gross or overreaching, but because casual sex wasn’t for her. Because of this very reason, her penchant to overthink.
Thank God her mother had intervened.
She slapped her hand over her mouth and let out a little scream.
Oh. My. God.
She turned her head to the right, to the second king bed in the room. To the woman lying with her arm slung across her face. Her mother was here. Her mother had seen. Her mother—the Goody Two-shoes of her friends, a woman who rarely cussed, the woman who thought Dirty Dancing was too dirty to watch at the age of fifty.
Her alarm rang. She patted her mattress and found her phone, then scanned her most recent notifications: a Bed Bath & Beyond coupon (always a joy to receive), her dinner subscription box asking if she’d consider coming back (what part of no, thank you could they not understand?), and a text from Carlo, which she promptly ignored.
Her body relaxed as she came to Sam’s text.
How are things?
If you can say that I almost had sex with a guy I met at a bar and my mother walked in on us before it happened as good, then it’s good.
Diana.
Do you need a phone-a-friend?
Maybe. What are you doing? How’s my house?
Nothing important. And everything’s fine. The housemate’s over watching a movie.
OH REALLY. LILIANA?
It’s nothing. Don’t change the subject.
I’m so proud of you right now!
?
You got out of your head! I was against this trip but I change my mind.
You are the worst.
Will there be a second attempt?
No!
Just because Margo saw? She’s grown! Don’t worry about that.
OMG. I just realized. Margo is there?
Diana bit her lip, took a breath.