She could feel herself beaming with pride. “What do you want to know?”
“Anything. Everything.” He navigated the car with one hand, as if unaware of the traffic and the assertive drivers around him. The landscape had changed once again, and Diana didn’t recognize where they were headed.
Her cheeks warmed. “I love mamas. I mean, I love babies, too, but I’m in awe of the mother’s part in childbirth. Hence becoming an OB versus a pediatrician. For them, not only is it biologic effort for their bodies to become mothers, but there’s also that emotional effort, too. When I say I’ve seen a pregnant woman go mama bear, I mean it. It happens in labor, when they are literally trusting nature by enduring pain. It happens after the baby is born, when they put aside their own discomfort to care for a little one. Women are amazing, you know?”
“I know,” he said, his voice teasing. “I’m surrounded by women.”
“Consider yourself lucky.” She tugged at his hand. “With that said, being a doctor is a privilege, but I haven’t been happy for a while. I’m tired from the hours I pull, though admittedly that’s somewhat self-inflicted. But the profession is money-driven, not the selfless ideal I had going in, and the hospital I work for caters to the upper crust, so I’m not sure it’s where I belong.”
“Can you do something else?”
“I can, of course, but it’s not that easy. I can’t just leave my job. I’ve got student loans, responsibilities to my patients.” She shrugged, not wanting to say too much, aware that her thoughts were jumbled and all over the place. Hence the reason why it was always easier for her to just do rather than speak, to act rather than explain. Having to illustrate her intentions just made her sound superficial. “I was raised by a single mom, who was raised by a single mom. My entire family is comprised of women. Women helping women to raise children. Aunts and best friends, neighbors. Ultimately, I’m compelled by a desire to be a contributing member of the village who raised me and feel obliged to it. And have you heard teachers say they feel like their students are like their kids?” she asked him. When he nodded, she said, “That’s how I feel about being a doctor. I feel like I’m the sister, that I’m the aunt who knows what to do in the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life. This is me giving back in the best way I can. I can’t imagine not working with mothers.”
She hadn’t realized that she’d pulled his hand onto her lap until he took it from hers when they reached a red light. He tucked a fallen strand of hair behind her ear, then padded a thumb lightly along her cheek. He held her gaze, and Diana’s heart escalated as she held her breath.
“I totally just spewed my life story right there, didn’t I?”
“Yes, and I loved it.”
Behind them came a cacophony of honking cars. The light had turned green, and the cars next to them had lurched to life, already speeding down the highway. Good thing he looked away from her and to the road; Diana needed a second to catch her breath. This feeling was better than her runner’s high or her doctor’s high. It was the feeling of … belonging.
He cleared his throat, pressed on the gas. “I think it’s admirable, your profession. I certainly couldn’t do it. The screaming women. All the … fluids.”
She laughed. “Well, there is definitely that.”
“And screaming.”
“Yes, that, too. But I call it a battle cry. Sometimes it comes in the form of tears, but it’s pure determination.”
“I’ve got major respect for it. Child-rearing, too. My ex aside, the girls are a wonder. I don’t know how this screwup got so lucky to have become a part of their lives.”
She rubbed his knuckles with a thumb. “You’re not really a screwup, are you? Antonio wouldn’t have called you back here to Manila if you were anything but capable.”
“I guess.” He sighed. “Truth be told, my resumé is actually pretty kick-ass. And yet …”
“What?” Diana waited at his pause, not knowing if she should pry further. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I guess since you shared, I should, too, right?”
Diana shook her head. “No, you don’t have to.”
“No, I want to tell you. It’s just hard to talk about.” His lips pressed into a line. His gaze darted left, then right. “I said I came to Manila because Lolo Tony called me back, but I was ready. I graduated from UCLA, in business, but I didn’t feel at ease enough in California to live there permanently. I missed Manila. So I came back, started grad school here. I also went through a wild streak—I was a spoiled little shit, you see. That’s what money sometimes does to you. Anyway, I was finishing up my last semester in school, and I cheated, on an exam. And was caught.”
Diana winced. “Oh no.”
“Yep.” He tore his eyes away from her and fixed them on the road in front of them. “Bad move. I regret it every day, even if Lolo saved me from all the consequences. I got kicked out of school, but I still worked for him. I still had a place to live, food to eat. He could have thrown me out into the street. He was so shamed. I was ashamed.” He half laughed. “The man worked me hard. He never brought it up, but I felt the gratitude every day. He taught me everything about loyalty and family, and hard work. And I swore to be better.”
The car swerved into a space where around them a mass of pedestrians walked in every direction. In front of them was an entrance marked with an archway. The entrance itself was as wide as a one-lane road. Vendors with aquariums and tubs of clams and other shellfish lined the sidewalk.
“Do you still want to hang out with me even after knowing this?” he asked.
Diana didn’t hesitate. “I do. Very much so. One decision shouldn’t determine your fate.”
“I’m glad you feel that way.” He glanced askance at her, lips turning up into a smile. “You’ve just made me a happy man. So, are you ready for a mind-bender?” He gestured at the windshield. “Because that is an outdoor dry and wet market. Welcome to the Philippines in the way I know and love,” he said, getting out of the car, then opening the door for Diana. “Open mind, okay?”
When she stepped out onto the noisy street, she leaned forward and kissed Joshua, and said, “Open mind.” But inside, two other words sprung to mind: open heart.
* * *
At the palenke, vendors sat almost atop one another, and the squawk of conversation invaded the air. Conversation volleyed across narrow pathways, flanked by contrasting colored goods. Deeper into the market, as Joshua led her through with a firm grip on her hand, the smell of fish, chicken, beef, and pork hanging from hooks assaulted the senses. The space seemed unending. One corridor only led to another, the changing landscape of the food like the switch of a neighborhood mid-jog in DC.
It was the most magnificent thing Diana had experienced. It was loud and overwhelming, true, but it was alive. Laughter rang out among the exchange of goods, and storytelling mixed with negotiation.
They spilled out into a square, where the smell of fried foods filled the air. They passed a cart grilling meat on a stick, another vendor pan-frying nuts. A woman poured water in a clear dispenser for juice. Another dipped quail eggs into batter before tossing them into a vat of oil. All of it tempted Diana, whose salivary glands were on overload.