She shook her head. “I mean away from all of this. Out of this town. No more business. Just us. Safe. With London.” She looked up at him and her tears almost broke him.
“We can do whatever you want.” There was an entire world they could explore together.
“Kye said we could come to Belize.” She smiled. “You can teach the baby to surf. I can learn how to make grass skirts or something. We can be… safe.”
Oh, God. That sounded so good. But Eliana’s words, she was born for this, echoed in his head. Making grass skirts would never be enough for Fiona, even if she couldn’t see it now.
She snuggled closer. “We could spend every day in bed. Make London a little brother or sister.”
Now, this was an idea he could get behind. But he didn’t want her to have regrets. “I would love that.” He kissed the top of her head. There would never be a time he got tired of holding her. “How about we nap on it? And if you still want to go when we wake up, we’ll pack up. Okay?”
He would take her anywhere in the world she wanted to go, but he had to make sure leaving was really what she wanted. Not that they couldn’t come back, but once they left, everything would change and coming back might end up being harder than walking away.
Fiona stared out of the window at the ocean. They’d been in Belize for almost two weeks and she needed… something. Some sign her husband didn’t consider her damaged goods, something to ease the anxiety. Sex with Grier, that was what she needed. In the dark. Because while Foley had done a rather remarkable job on removing the brand on her throat, the scar on the inside of her thigh looked remarkably still like Tyler’s initials. And she couldn’t stand the sight. Didn’t expect it would enhance what she needed to be a mind-altering experience.
He’d gone fishing with Kye, and Fiona was starving, but though Eli had been so kind since they’d been in Belize, Fiona didn’t want to run into her. After everything that had happened, Eli would probably understand Fiona threatening her life if she didn’t free Grier from jail, but it wasn’t a moment Fiona was proud of. And the shame reared its head every time they ran into each other in the hall or the kitchen.
Like now, for example. Eli walked into the kitchen. She stopped at the refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher of juice, and the cabinet for a couple of glasses then went to the table behind Fiona.
“You look better.”
Oh yeah. The bruises had faded. The swelling went down.
Fiona nodded. “Yeah.” For all the good it did her. The nightmares hadn’t gone anywhere. She’d shot William Carr in cold blood, worn the blowback of his brain matter.
Eli poured the glasses of juice. “I didn’t know what my dad did.”
So, it was a heart to heart she wanted. Fiona grinned. “Well, that’s lucky because I knew everything my dad did.” And she’d done nothing to stop him, enjoyed the rewards of his lawlessness, ignored the people who went missing from her life and those who showed up to replace them. Now, she’d turned into him. Her stomach quivered at the thought, and she blew out a long breath.
“Sit.” She slid a glass along the surface of the table. The grinding of glass against wood made Fiona cringe but she turned from the window and sat across from Eliana. “We aren’t the sins of our parents.”
Maybe Eli wasn’t. But Fiona had only added to the Strong family quotient for evil. “I told Ham to kill you if you couldn’t get Grier out of jail.”
“I know.” Eli smiled. “Do you think I wouldn’t kill for Kye?” Little Eliana what’s-her-name a killer? Laughable. “He’s alive now because of you. I’m alive now because of him. Actually, we both are. And Grier.” She smiled. “It’s family. It’s what your family does.”
Was this bitch implying they were family? “My family kills. It’s what we do.” She sighed. Oh, dear God, the truth made her stomach ache. “It’s what I do.”
“I think you did what you needed to do.” She smiled cryptically. “Funny, isn’t it? What we’ll do to protect the people we love?”
Fiona stared at the juice in front of her. “Without the club and the clothes and the guys, I don’t know who I am.” So, heart to heart, after all. “I don’t know if I’m enough.”
“For him?” Eliana chuckled. “You’re everything to Grier.”
Then why was he pretending to sleep with her, sneaking out after he thought she fell asleep, coming back just before dawn? “I think you overestimate his devotion.”
“And I think you underestimate it.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Maybe try to reconnect. You’ve been through something horrible. But you’re not alone. He’s... yours. No matter what.”
But what did Fiona have to offer him in return? And she didn’t have time to think about it. He walked in the back door with Kye.
Eli leaned in. “He thinks you need time. He won’t know what to do unless you tell him.” Then she sat up and smiled at Kye. “What do you say we take the kids today and…” She chewed her lower lip then tilted her head. “Practice having two?”
Kye’s eyebrows pinched toward his nose. “Do we need to practice having two?”
“Not yet.” She stood and wrapped her arms around him. “But never hurts to be prepared.”
Kye kissed the tip of her nose. “My little Boy Scout.”
Grier stood just inside the door and Fiona ignored anything else Kye and Eliana said. He didn’t look at her, didn’t look at Kye and Eli, didn’t seem to be seeing anything. And that was what Fiona needed to change.
It took an hour to get the babies ready, diaper bags packed, bottles made, strollers unfolded, and babies secured inside. Then Fiona and Grier were alone.
He’d decided on a shower, alone, and Fiona waited all of three minutes. She couldn’t take anymore waiting, anymore planning her seduction. Instead, she stripped off her clothes, took a deep breath and walked into the bathroom.
He used to sing in the shower, Bon Jovi or Springsteen. His rendition of “Born in the USA” always made her smile. He didn’t sing anymore.
She steamrolled through the bathroom and she waved it away enough to see the glass shower door, to see her husband standing with his head bowed under the water.
She didn’t speak, didn’t breathe until she opened the door and stepped in behind him, touched his shoulder, and he turned. “Hello.”
“I thought maybe you could use a… hand?” She wrapped her fingers around his cock, smiled at his quiet moan. “I miss you.”
He lowered his head and brushed his lips over hers then drew away and came back in to deliver a kiss that rocked her, that stole her ability to think or do more than feel.
When he tore his mouth away and held her back with his hand on her shoulder, she closed her eyes and let go of him.
She couldn’t tell if it was the water or tears, but she shook her head.
“I don’t know what to do, Fiona. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Hurt me?” He was killing her.
“We haven’t talked about what happened. What they… did to you.”
Oh enough. The eggshell walking. The silent looks between Grier and his friends none of them thought she saw. The way he pretended to still love her. E-fucking-nough.