* * *
Somehow, we made it through lunch, but the conversation was just as stilted. Whenever an uncomfortable silence settled over the table, Aunt Linda reverted to talking about the shop, chattering away as though their visit was nothing out of the ordinary. Afterward, we all piled into my aunt’s car for a quick tour of the village. She pretty much repeated the same things she’d told me when she’d first shown me around, and I’m pretty sure my parents were as unimpressed as I had been. In the back seat, my mom appeared almost shell-shocked.
They seemed to like the shop, though. Gwen was there and even though they’d eaten, she insisted on giving them dessert biscuits, which were essentially biscuits made with blueberries and topped with a sugary glaze. Gwen immediately picked up on the awkward vibe with my family and kept the conversation light. In the book area, she pointed out some of her favorites, in case either of my parents was interested. They weren’t—my parents weren’t readers—but they nodded anyway, making me feel like we were participating in a play where all of the characters wanted to be somewhere else.
Back at the house, Aunt Linda and my dad began chatting about family—their other sisters and my cousins—so after a while, my mom cleared her throat.
“How about we take a walk on the beach?” she suggested to me.
She made it sound like I didn’t have much of a choice, and the two of us drove to the beach, parking the rental car near the dune.
“I thought the beach would be closer,” she said.
“The village is on the sound side.”
“How do you get here?” she asked.
“I ride my bike.”
“You have a bike?”
“Aunt Linda picked it up at a garage sale before I arrived.”
“Oh,” she said. Back at home, she knew, my bike was in the garage, with tires cracking and low on air from disuse, the seat covered in dust. “At least you’re getting outside now and then. You’re too pale.”
I shrugged without answering. We got out of the car and I zipped my jacket up all the way before stuffing my hands in my pockets. Starting for the water’s edge, we skirted the dune, our feet sinking and sliding with every step. It wasn’t until we’d started up the beach that my mom spoke again.
“Morgan said to tell you that she wished she could come. But she’s the lead in the school play and there were rehearsals. She’s also trying for a scholarship with the Rotary, even though she’s already earned enough in scholarships to cover most of her tuition.”
“I’m sure she’ll get it,” I mumbled. Which was true, and though I felt the familiar pang of insecurity, I realized it didn’t make me feel as bad about myself as it had in the past.
We walked a few more steps before I heard my mom’s voice again. “She says that the two of you haven’t spoken in the last couple of weeks.”
I wondered if Aunt Linda had mentioned that she took the phone cord with her to work. “I’ve been really busy with school. I’ll call her next week.”
“Why did you fall so far behind in the first place? Your aunt was really worried about you, and so were your teachers.”
I felt my shoulders sag a little. “I guess it just took me a while to adjust to being here.”
“You’re not missing anything back home.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Have you heard from Madison or Jodie?”
“They haven’t called the house, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Do you know what they’ve been up to?”
“I have no idea. I suppose I could ask Morgan when I get home.”
“That’s okay,” I said, knowing my mom wouldn’t. To her mind, the less people were talking or wondering about me, the better.
“If you want to write them letters,” she went on, “I suppose I can have them delivered for you. Of course, you can’t be too specific or hint at what’s really going on.”
“Maybe,” I said. I didn’t want to lie to them, and since I couldn’t tell the truth, either, I wouldn’t have anything to say.
She adjusted her jacket collar to cover her neck. “What did you think about the doctor Linda found? I know Gwen could probably deliver the baby, but I told Linda that I’d be more comfortable if you were in a hospital.”
As soon as she asked, I immediately visualized Dr. Chinowith’s giant hands. “He’s older, but he seems nice and Gwen has worked with him a lot. I’m having a girl, by the way.”
“The doctor’s a man?”
“Is that a problem?”
She didn’t seem to want to answer and simply shook her head. “Anyway, you’ll be home and back to normal in just a few more months.”
At a loss, I asked, “How’s Dad doing?”
“He’s had to work overtime because there’s a big order for the new planes. But other than that, he’s the same.”
I thought about Bryce’s parents and the tender way they treated each other, which was so different from mine. “Are you still going out to dinner twice a month?”
“Not lately,” she said. “There was a plumbing leak and between getting that repaired, Christmas, and coming out here to see you, we’ve been on a tight budget.”
Even though she probably hadn’t meant to, that made me feel bad. In fact, the whole walk was making me feel more depressed than I’d been before they arrived. But it got me to wondering…
“I guess the tutoring is expensive, too.”
“That’s being taken care of.”
“By Aunt Linda?”
“No,” she said. She seemed to debate before explaining and finally sighed. “Some of your expenses are being taken care of by the prospective parents, through the agency. Your school, the part of your doctor’s bills that our insurance won’t cover, your flights out here and back. Even a little spending money for you.”
Which explained the envelope of cash she’d given me in the airport. “Have you met the parents? I mean, are they nice people?”
“I haven’t met them. But I’m sure they’ll be loving parents.”
“How do you know for sure if you haven’t met them?”
“Your aunt and her friend Gwen have worked with this particular agency before and they know the woman in charge, so she screened the candidates personally. She’s very experienced, and I’m sure she’s evaluated the prospective parents thoroughly. That’s really all I know, and you shouldn’t want to know more than that, either. The less you worry, the easier it will be in the end.”
I suspected she was right. Even though the baby was moving regularly now, my pregnancy still didn’t always seem real. My mom knew better than to harp on the subject, so she let it pass. “It’s been quiet in the house since you’ve been gone.”
“It’s quiet here, too.”
“Seems like it. I guess I thought the town would be bigger. It’s so remote. I mean…what do people do here?”
“They fish and cater to tourists. In the off season, they fix their boats and equipment and hunker down for the winter,” I answered. “Or they own or work for small businesses that keep the town up and running, like Aunt Linda does. It’s not an easy life. People have to work hard to get by.”