“That was sweet of them,” Susie said.
“Well, they’re sweet girls—when they’re not busy pushing people around.”
My dad was getting a big kick out of watching us.
Everybody was having a good time making fun of one another. And Susie had a new theory. She had a mind that was always trying to figure out things—especially gender things. “So, I go out with this guy. I don’t know why I said yes. There’s something about him that isn’t right. And he sees an old girlfriend and he starts telling me what a B—you know the word—she was. And he went on and on about all his old girlfriends and what a bunch of Bs they were. And I thought, This guy is a misogynist.
“He tried to make a move on me. So I slapped him. He wasn’t like forcing himself on me or anything like that—but still. But I figured something out. Most misogynists are married to women. They think that being married to a woman means they’re not misogynists. Wrong. Think about all those women marching for the right to get the vote. Where were their husbands? They were fighting against the rights of women wanting to get the vote. Misogynists, all of them.”
Cassandra nodded. “Well, you finally figured it out.”
And Gina said, “You’ve saved me some research.”
“I’m not a misogynist,” Dante said.
“Well, neither is Ari. But you guys don’t count.”
“Why? Because we’re gay?”
“Something like that,” Cassandra said.
Dante gave her a look that was something like an arrow. “This merits further discussion.” He pointed at my parents. “But not around the children.” I’d never seen my father laugh so hard.
“That’s a nice laugh you got there, Mr. Mendoza.” He looked around the room. “So, does anyone have any New Year’s resolutions?”
I rolled my eyes. “I hate New Year’s resolutions. Nobody keeps them.”
“So what?”
“I have one,” Susie said. “I’m going to be dating someone by the end of the new year. Someone really nice.”
“Oh,” Cassandra said, “so you’ll be dating a gay guy?”
“Stop it. There are nice straight boys out there.”
“Let me know when you find one.”
“I have a resolution for you, Cassandra. You’re going to stop being so cynical.”
“I have a better one,” Cassandra said. “I’m going to be a nicer person.”
“You are a nice person.”
“Yeah, but I’m going to let people know.”
“I’ll be watching you,” I said.
“And I’m going to stop giving my mom such a hard time,” Dante said.
“That will last until a day after New Year’s,” I said. “And why ruin a good thing? It’s how you get along.”
“People can change.”
“Let sleeping dogs lie,” Susie said.
My mom was getting a big kick out of us. “Well, I’m going to stop working so hard.” She said it with conviction.
My dad shook his head. “Lilly, that resolution won’t last more than an hour.”
My mother looked at my father and said, “You have no idea what a determined woman is capable of.”
“Yes, I do. And I still say that your resolution will last about an hour.”
She gave my father a look and decided to change the subject. She looked at all of us and said, “Did you know that Jaime and I went on our first date on New Year’s Eve? He kissed me. I made the mistake of kissing him back.” I loved the look on both my parents’ faces. It was true. My parents were still in love.
* * *
Dante and I sat on his porch and we talked. And we talked. And we talked. I told him all about the trip and everything that had happened. He asked me questions and I answered them and didn’t hold back. I don’t know how long we sat out there on his steps. Sometimes, when I was with Dante, time didn’t exist—and I liked that.
He kissed me. It felt strange sometimes to feel another man’s lips on mine. But kissing Dante made me happy.
“Happy” was a word that was alive in me now.
“Ari, it’s going to be the best year of our lives.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, I absolutely think so.”
Thirty-One
IT WAS THE SECOND TO last day of the year, and it was a beauty of a day. Even if the breeze was cold, the sun was warm, and as I ran, I thought the entire world was blazing with life. The year was ending, and a kind of order seemed to be filling up the chaos in my life. It was as if everything good was converging and everything seemed to make some kind of sense. My brother was gone from my thoughts, and if he ever returned, I would never again suffer from the pain of having loved him as a boy. He would no longer haunt my life or my dreams.
I felt as if the new year would be full of hope and the promise that something rare and beautiful awaited me.
I was happy.
I took a shower after my run and talked to Legs. She was getting old. But her eyes were still bright with life, and she still wagged her tail like a puppy.
I was drinking coffee with my mom, and Legs had her head on my lap. “Your friends are hilarious. Hilarious and wonderful. They’re fine people. Behind all that laughing and all that humor, they have very serious young minds. I enjoy their company.”
My mom and I talked for a while. She didn’t ask about my brother. We had plenty of time to talk about that. Not today.
“I’m going to the grocery store. I want to make a nice New Year’s roast. And, of course, menudo for New Year’s Eve.”
“Why don’t you and Dad go dancing?”
“Your father’s worst nightmare. The last time we danced was—I can’t remember. When it comes to dancing, your father likes to watch. I like staying home. I don’t know why, but I feel very close to your father on New Year’s Eve. I think he feels the same way. It sounds boring, but we love New Year’s Eve. We drink wine and listen to music and talk about the songs we’re listening to and why they matter to us. When the clock strikes twelve, he kisses me. And I feel like a girl again.”
And she did look like a girl again.
* * *
I thought of my mother and father kissing each other at the stroke of midnight as the old year ended and the new year began. I pictured them as two young people holding each other and the worries of the world going away. Just the two of them. Their whole lives still ahead of them.
The house was quiet.
My mother had left for the grocery store, and my father had slept late. I was writing in my journal at the kitchen table.
“Dad, what’s wrong?”
He was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, and he was clutching at his chest and having a hard time breathing, and he looked at me, a look of panic on his face, and then fell to the floor.
“Dad! Dad!”
I was holding him, and he was looking up at me, and I didn’t know what to do. And he whispered, “Ari,” but he couldn’t manage to say anything else and I wanted Mom to be here and I didn’t know what to do and I wanted to call 911 but I didn’t want to let him go as I held him and he hung on to me, he hung on to me and then he just smiled at me and he seemed to be at peace and he looked at me with such a calmness and he whispered, “Liliana.” And he whispered her name again. “Liliana.”