I’d always thought Rebecca and I would experience this together. Finding suitors, giggling over first kisses, celebrating betrothals. Knowing she’d gone ahead with this new stage of life without me hurt in unexpected ways, a knife dug in deep beneath my ribs, twisting with every breath.
“That’s…wonderful,” I heard myself say, back in the moment at hand, here in the kitchen with my best friend, who I was in no way jealous of.
“It is,” Rebecca said, all but beaming. “And…there’s something else. Something…I don’t even know quite how to say. I haven’t told Samuel yet….I wanted you to know first. You’re more than my friend, Ellerie. I’ve always thought of us as sisters, you know?”
“Of course.” I squeezed her hand. She was shaking.
“I…” She bit her lips even as she grinned. “I’m pregnant.”
“Pregnant,” I echoed, mindful even through my shock to lower my voice. “With a baby?”
She giggled. “I certainly hope so. It’s…it’s not that I ever planned for such things to happen this way. I always knew I was going to wait, but Sam…he just…he’s so—”
Her cheeks stained bright pink, and I held up my hand, derailing her train of words before they could smash into me. “I don’t need to know all of those details,” I assured her.
Rebecca laughed again. “Of course.”
“But…you’re going to tell him, though? Soon?”
She nodded. “I actually was hoping you might be able to help with that….I’m just so nervous.”
“Nervous? He loves you.”
Rebecca met my eyes and smiled. “I know. It’s just…this is such a big moment. We haven’t really talked about…big moments. I always assumed he’d propose once the harvest was over, but now…” Her fingers twisted together anxiously. “I just want him to be happy about it, is all. It’s a lot to spring on a person.”
“But if—you’ve already…” My sentence stammered to an embarrassed end. “Surely he must be thinking about that next step.”
I felt nauseous, speaking so lightly of it. It wasn’t just a step, a small pacing of footprints. Sam and Rebecca were so far ahead of me in their life’s course, it felt like miles separated us. They were off together in some mysterious great unknown, while I was stuck where we’d always been, all on my own now.
I glanced toward her stomach. Her apron bib covered her front, and I wasn’t sure if she wore it loose to keep her clothes neat or if she was already trying to conceal a bump. “How far along are you?”
She shrugged. “Not at all. I only noticed a day or two ago. I thought my monthlies were just late, but I feel different, you know?”
I didn’t. And a small part of me worried I never would.
“You won’t say anything, will you, Ellerie? Of course you won’t. I know you wouldn’t,” she continued on, her sentences tripping over each other in their haste to spring free.
“I’d never,” I promised. “But you need to say something to Sam, and soon. Aprons won’t cover that secret forever.”
She nodded fervently, and a titter of laughter burst from the other room as the older women continued with their sewing and gossip, unaware of the very real scandal that had just unfolded in the parson’s kitchen.
“Just think,” Rebecca breathed happily. “The next quilting circle will be for me.” She kissed my cheek and headed back to the parlor, leaving me with a row of cups to put away.
* * *
A sign was posted on the door of the general store, hammered in place with two tacks. The unseasonable heat had made the edges curl in on themselves, obscuring the message. We trudged across the dusty road, Merry carrying our sewing box under one arm and Mama scanning her shopping list.
We didn’t need much, she’d promised as we’d left the quilting bee. Mama always thought it better to kill two birds with one stone if you were able.
Sadie was the first up the steps, standing on tiptoe to smooth the crinkled paper.
“No credit accepted. Cash only,” she read aloud wonderingly. “What’s that mean, Mama?”
Mama reached into her pocket and pulled out some coins. She never left the house without a bit of money—just in case—but her forehead furrowed as she counted it. “It means we’re not getting everything I wanted.” She tapped her finger on the list, weighing out the importance of each item. “Ellerie, why don’t you get the sugar? Merry, the tea.”
“What about me?” Sadie asked, twisting back and forth. Her skirt twirled about in the manufactured breeze.
“You can come with me to check on Molly McCleary,” Mama said. She took Sadie’s hand and led her toward the side of the building and up the stairs to the apartment Molly and Jebediah kept above the store.
Had kept.
It was only Molly now. I hadn’t stepped foot in the store since the supply run had left, and I wondered if the tragedy would somehow be marked there, imprinted on the shelves, a shadow of sadness and despair.
But the little brass bell on the door chimed out our entrance as brightly as ever.
The store clerk, a young man named Joseph, called a brief hello, clipped as the bell rang again. Rebecca ducked in, sidestepping into the nearest aisle. Papa and Samuel were meant to pick us up in the wagon, and I knew she hoped to see my brother.
The door opened once more and several girls from Merry’s class at school entered. They stood in a tight circle, whispering with glee as they spotted Joseph at the counter.
“Afternoon, ladies,” he said. They fell into giggles and his face flushed nearly as red as his hair.
The door opened once more, and Prudence Latheton barged in with Cora Schäfer at her heels. “What’s this about McCleary not accepting credit?” she snipped, ignoring Joseph’s attempt at a greeting.
His face fell a smidge. “Amos has taken over all the accounts since Jeb…well, you know. With no supplies coming in till spring…I think he just wants to feel a bit more secure. I’m sure it’ll go back to normal once the accounts are settled.”
Prudence sighed. “That Elder. Well, I only need a spool of thread today. Linen, if you’ve got it.”
I made a beeline for the dry goods, noting the diminished selection and sparsely filled shelves. There were only three bags of flour along the floor. Usually the aisle was so crowded, they fell into the walkway, catching people’s ankles and coating everything with a white dust.