I was currently within a scene from a bad movie. He was right, if we were to have this conversation, it shouldn’t be in public, but then again, I didn’t want the conversation to occur at all, and based on the emptiness of the large entry, there wasn’t anyone to overhear.
I pointed toward the archway to the hotel’s bar. “We can go in the bar. I’ll give you five minutes. No more.”
His hand came to the small of my back as we turned to enter the bar.
I stepped away from his touch.
Despite the tacky neon sign advertising a popular brand of beer on the deep red walls, the room was as lovely as the entry. The long bar was heavy wood with ornate carvings on the front and lined with a brass handrail. Behind the bar was more elaborate woodwork centered around a lighted large mirror with shelves and hundreds of bottles of liquors and wines.
“I could buy you a drink,” Skylar offered. His tone had an unusual sound of trepidation. It seemed as though his usual cockiness had given way to this new subdued and unsure attitude.
“I don’t want a drink,” I said, removing my coat and taking a seat at one of the tables.
Skylar also removed his coat, folded it meticulously, and draped it over one of the chairs before taking a seat beside me.
For a long moment, we simply stared at one another.
There had been too much time spent with one another not to have those memories swirling through my thoughts. And yet they didn’t make my heart flutter or my mouth go dry as they did when I looked into Van’s green orbs.
Skylar reached for my hand.
I looked at our connection, feeling the coolness of his skin, and for the first time recognizing the absence of more.
That too was because of Van.
He’d explained his ongoing desire for more and better.
Feeling the coolness of Skylar’s touch, I came to the same decision. I deserved more. Now that I’d had a taste of more, I wouldn’t settle for less.
My gaze met his. “I’m not changing my mind.”
Skylar inhaled. “It’s been four days. I thought if I let you burn off some steam, you’d come back. The wedding is only in a week and a half.”
“There won’t be a wedding, not with us.” I feigned a smile as I looked at our hands and removed mine from his. “You said you don’t love Beth. Do you love me?”
“Of course I do.”
My nose scrunched. “Do you?”
“Why would you even question that? I’ve loved you my whole life.”
“Have you ever been in love with me?”
He lowered his voice as the bartender came to the bar, peering our way. “Yes, Julia. I only want to spend forever with you.”
“How many women have you slept with?”
He sat taller. “Why would you ask?”
“Because we never had sex. Don’t you think that’s odd?”
“We were waiting. If you don’t think that I’ve thought about the gift you’ve saved for me, you’re wrong.”
I swallowed. “Skylar, I don’t wish you unhappiness. I just don’t wish for my unhappiness by spending my eternity with you.”
His head moved from side to side. “Where is this coming from?”
A scoff escaped my throat. “You have a child coming.”
“I don’t believe her. Hell, that kid could belong to any one of five guys.”
“And you’re one of them.” It was my gut reaction. My second was to defend my friend. Beth wasn’t the slut Skylar was making her out to be. Nevertheless, I kept any defense suppressed. It wasn’t my role to fight for Beth’s relationship with my ex-fiancé.
“Julia, you’re being ridiculous. You’ve known for years that I had a sex life. Once we’re married, it will be only you.”
“When you and Beth touch, do you feel a sensation like lightning through your body? When you see her, does your heart race? When you kiss does the world around you disappear?”
He shook his head. “No, you’re talking like some stupid movie on Lifetime. That shit isn’t real.”
It was real.
I never knew it before, but now I did.
“Have you ever heard of red sin?”
The bartender appeared at our table. “What can I get you two?”
Before I could answer, Skylar spoke, “A glass of white moscato for the lady and two fingers of Angel’s Envy, neat, for me.”
“I don’t—”
Skylar nodded and the man walked away.
Has Skylar always dismissed my choices and I never noticed?
Instead of belaboring that thought, I asked again, “Red sin?”
“No. I’ve never heard of it.” He lowered his voice. “Let me help you get your things. We’ll return the rental and if we get on the road, we can be back to Chicago by one.”
“And you’ll return me to my parents like the good fiancé?” I recalled Van’s assessment of any man who would know me for my entire life and not want more.
“Yes, and after our wedding, we’ll fly across the ocean and spend two weeks doing what I’ve dreamt about.”
I smirked. “You’ve dreamt about making love to me? Was this before or after you fucked Beth and all the others?”
“Julia, I screwed up. I admit it. I don’t love Beth. I’m not sure if the kid she’s carrying is even mine. If it is, I’ll do the right thing and pay for her abortion.”
My eyes opened wide. “The right thing?”
“I’m not sorry. The only children I want are ours.”
Our drinks arrived.
I closed my fingers around the stem of the glass, contemplating my next move. As I swirled the light-colored liquid, tossing the contents in Skylar’s face was moving higher on my list of possibilities.
“Julia, I want you to know that I’m committed to making our marriage work.”
Taking a deep breath, I leveraged the table’s edge as I pushed my chair back. “I’m not.”
“You have cold feet. Ana said it’s normal. She said you’ll come around.”
Ana was my mother. Her real name was Anastasia. She liked the longer version for business and social purposes. Being as Skylar had known her since he was born, to him, she was Ana.
“My feet are fine. I hope you’ll reconsider the right thing when it comes to Beth. You’re also correct; you screwed up. Now it’s time to man up. I’m staying in Ashland. I’ve accepted a job.”
Skylar stood.
I lifted my chin, keeping our eye contact.
Through the years, I’d seen most of my ex-fiancé’s moods. If I were to predict, his steady, reassuring, and slightly self-deprecating position was about to give way to a more forceful demand. Skylar was a lot of things, but violent wasn’t one of them. My reasoning for not inviting him to my hotel room wasn’t because I feared him or because I was concerned he’d make inappropriate moves; he’d had reason for the first over time and never gone that way. As for the second, he’d had ample opportunity and failed.
My reasoning was simple.
I was done with this relationship.
“You can’t be serious,” he said. “You already have a job at Wade.”
“I need time to let the dust settle. You do too. Take it. Our engagement is off. The wedding is canceled. I want you to leave.”