But her shoulder brushed my arm as she passed, and without even deciding to do it, my hand shot out and wrapped around her wrist, stopping her.
And I pulled her into me.
She was stiff, at first, but slowly, her hands trailed up my arms, hooking behind my neck as she hugged me in return.
My nose burned. My eyes stung. I felt every painful, raw emotion there was to feel in that moment as the fire crackled behind us.
“Goodnight,” I said, but I held her still.
My hands roamed, finding her waist and squeezing, and I couldn’t fight the low groan that came from my throat.
I still want her.
I still need her.
I angled my mouth, just an inch, but it was enough that my lips brushed her salty neck. B shivered at the touch, and I tried to pull away. Truly, I tried.
I just couldn’t.
“Jamie…”
My name was both a warning and a plea not to stop when it slipped between her perfect lips, and maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just that undeniable force between us, but I dragged my tongue along her neck, biting the edge of her jaw.
And then, I kissed her.
We both inhaled at the touch, my hands gripping her hips even harder as she tightened her grip around my neck. She pulled me into her, and I held her steady.
A soft whimper slipped from her next, like she knew just as much as I did that we should stop but didn’t have the fight in her to actually do it. Her nails ripped at my back, dragged through my hair, begged me not to stop.
And so, I didn’t.
I was two seconds away from fucking her right there by the fire when her eyes shot open, and when she scanned the tents containing all the groomsmen around us, it snapped some sense into me.
I backed her into my tent, only removing my hands from her long enough to yank my shirt off before I lowered her down into my sleeping bag. We were all longing breaths and moans, brains fuzzy and hands chaotic as I spread her legs with my own.
My erection rubbed along the seam of her shorts, and we both groaned as I ran a hand down her thigh, hooking behind her knee and hiking her leg up so I could flex into her harder. We weren’t even naked yet, and I was ninety percent certain I could come right then and there.
B moaned, the sound like a symphony, and she let her head fall back, allowing me access to her neck.
I slipped my fingers around the back of her thigh, brushing the lining of her shorts before I found her panties. I felt how wet she was, how much she wanted me, too, and it obliterated any self-control I had left.
I pressed one fingertip between her lips.
And then B pressed her hands hard into my chest, breaking our kiss with a loud exhale.
“I don’t have the will to stop this, Jamie,” she breathed.
I was so desperate for her, I didn’t give her the chance to say another word. I pressed against those palms on my chest, and claimed her mouth once more.
She pushed again, and I grinned.
I loved the game.
Pretend you don’t want me. Pretend you’re not soaking wet for me.
I caught her with another hungry kiss, rolling my hips against hers before she broke our kiss again. “You have to be the one to stop. I can’t…”
She was breathing so hard she could barely speak, and it only edged me on. I licked my lips, ready to kiss her silent again when she found her voice and knocked me back to the cold, hard ground with three simple words.
“You’re getting married.”
That stopped me.
I paused where I hovered over her, panting, eyes searching hers like I couldn’t believe she’d just said what she had. I waited, hoping she’d take it back, that she’d wrap those arms around my neck again and pull me down into her.
Sin with me, I begged.
Don’t stop this now.
“If you kiss me again, you could ruin everything,” she said, chest heaving, eyes already filling with tears. “If you kiss me again… I won’t let you stop.”
Automatically, my head dipped, lips on track for hers. I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t give a fuck about what I ruined.
Except when something I couldn’t name stopped me right before my lips connected with B’s, I realized that wasn’t entirely true.
Angel’s sweet face flittered through the steamy haze. I saw her sky-blue eyes, her dazzling smile, the way her cheeks would shade red when I made her laugh.
My heart cracked.
What the fuck am I doing?
I sighed, releasing my grip on B’s thigh before I rolled off of her, and we both stared up at the tent ceiling with our breaths labored and shallow.
I almost cheated on my fiancée. I almost threw it all away. I almost…
My jaw clenched, and I shook my head, shame rolling in and fiercely replacing the carnal need that was just coursing through me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
B immediately shook her head. “Don’t be. It’s just lust, Jamie.”
A lie. A lie in my honor, but a lie, no less. She and I both knew it had always been more than lust between us. It was love, pure and passionate, unyielding even after all this time, after all we’d put each other through.
But just as I loved her, I loved Angel.
Angel, who had chosen me, too.
Angel, who wouldn’t hook up with me and then just leave, telling me a hook-up was all we could be.
B would never be mine, not the way I wanted her to be. She didn’t have that in her to give.
It broke my heart. It killed me. But it was the truth.
B sat up, ready to flee the tent, but I stopped her.
“Wait,” I pleaded. “Can you… will you just stay? Just lie here with me.”
Her brows folded together, but she nodded, letting me take her in my arms and hold her as she laid back down.
For most of the night, I laid awake, committing the feel and smell of her to memory.
This was it.
And I fully accepted it. I said my last goodbyes with gentle kisses pressed to her hair throughout the night, with silent tears soaking my pillow, with my heart aching fiercely in my chest.
Then, the next day, I found out Angel had cheated on me.
And everything I thought I knew went up in flames.
• • •
I felt like a fool.
Not in the cute, humorous way. Not in the way you might feel slightly embarrassed to yank on a door that clearly says push.
No, I felt like a blind, naïve, wool-pulled-over-his-head, rose-color-glasses-wearing fool.
I was thankful, at least, that Angel had had the balls to tell me what she’d done. Although, I still think the only reason she did is because her best friend, Claire, warned her that she’d tell me if Angel didn’t.
I didn’t care to hear her excuses, especially not when she tried to blame me for her infidelity. Seeing a picture of B with me and the rest of the groomsmen, she just assumed that because my arm was around her, I was fucking her, too.
And so, Angel tried to beat me to the punch, I guess.
It was childish, and selfish, and so fucking unbelievable that my lip visibly curled any time I remembered how pitiful she was, sobbing as she told me the story.
She’d thrown our life together away over pure jealousy and false accusations.
Well…
Somewhat false.
I supposed I couldn’t blame her for seeing what everyone else saw, what B and I knew deep down — which was that we’d always have feelings for each other, no matter who else came into our lives.