“What?” I asked, returning his gaze but still somehow acutely aware of Jamie’s movements.
“You wanted to talk earlier. Everything okay?”
Shit. Suddenly, the idea of telling Ethan terrified me — especially after the amount of Jack Daniel’s I’d consumed. Seeing his gentle face in the light of the fire twisted the knot in my chest. He deserved to know, and I still planned on telling him.
But not tonight.
“You know, it’s nothing really. Let’s just enjoy ourselves tonight.”
Ethan’s eyebrows pinched together. “You sure?”
Nodding, I leaned in for another kiss, silencing his worry with my lips. “I’m sure.”
Even with my heart breaking over what I was keeping from Ethan, I still wondered if Jamie was watching us kiss, and I almost couldn’t hide my disappointment when I pulled back from Ethan’s lips and discovered that he wasn’t.
I might as well have been dead to him.
Maybe I was.
“We should play a game,” I announced to the group, sipping from my cup.
Jenna clapped her hands together. “Oh! Yes! How about Never Have I Ever?”
“Classic choice, bestie,” I air-cheers-ed her and she winked, lifting her cup, too.
“We’re a little old for games, don’t you think?” Jamie’s voice boomed. He was finally looking at me for the first time since he and Jenna had walked away, but I shrugged, keeping my eyes on the fire.
“You don’t have to play. Tina just showed up, why don’t you go get her a drink and leave us kids alone?” I said it with a smile, but my condescending tone was evident.
Jenna eyed me before turning her gaze to Jamie. “Girlfriend?”
Jamie was frowning, but I kept smiling sweetly. “No. B has some weird obsession with my Economics project partner and can’t let it go.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Stay or go, I don’t care. Ethan, you go first.”
Ethan looked uncomfortable, his eyes wary as he glanced around the fire, but he conceded. “Okay. Never have I ever had a one-night stand.”
Jamie and Jenna drank, smiling at each other over the rims of their cups. Jamie’s eyes fell on me next, and I saw the challenge in them before he even spoke. “Not drinking, B?”
“Nope.” The word popped off my lips. “Your turn.”
“You’ve never had a one-night stand?” he questioned, leaning his elbows on his knees. One eyebrow lifted as he waited for the response stuck in my throat.
“I was her first,” Ethan said confidently, pulling me in close and kissing my neck. “Her only.”
Guilt rolled through my stomach like a rock slide and I hastily kissed him back, keeping my eyes off Jamie’s.
“How sweet,” Jenna cooed.
“Yeah. So sweet,” Jamie agreed. “So, my turn, huh? Hmmm… Never have I ever had a threesome.”
Jenna and I smiled across the fire at each other, thinking about the promise we’d made to each other years ago that if we ever had a threesome, it had to involve the other. But the smile slid from my face when Ethan took a drink.
“Wait, seriously?”
Ethan cringed, like a dog with his tail between his legs. “I was a freshman, I thought it was cool at the time. It didn’t mean anything.”
“Oh,” I replied softly, wondering why he’d never mentioned it before.
“Are you mad?”
It clicked then why Jamie had asked that question and I glared at him over the flames. He just smirked.
“Of course not,” I assured Ethan. “It was before me. No big deal.” I smiled to seal that lie and he pulled me in closer, kissing my neck as I took a drink and nodded to Jenna. “Your turn.”
“Oh! Never have I ever gotten a tattoo,” she said excitedly, scanning the fire. When none of us drank, she pouted. “Damn, we need a little excitement in our lives.”
I laughed, but then snapped my fingers together. “You know what? We should get tats before you leave.”
“Seriously?” she squeaked.
“Hell yeah! Why not? We’ll go tomorrow.”
“Oh my God! I’m in!” Jenna bounced as Shayla slid into the open spot next to Ethan, handing him a new beer and taking a drink of her own.
“What’s up?”
“We’re playing Never Have I Ever. Wanna play?” I asked.
“Sure!”
I waved my hand, tilting my cup to my lips. “Floor’s all yours.”
“Hmm…. Never have I ever had sex on the beach.”
I choked, beer filling my nose as Ethan rubbed my back. “You alright?”
Nodding, I stood quickly, keeping my eyes off Jamie. I didn’t need to see his cocky smile to know it was sitting on his perfect face. “Fine. I’m going to get a refill.”
Ethan tried to tighten his grip on me but I slunk away from him, storming toward the keg. Jenna followed.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“I’m fine!” I yelled. Jenna’s brows shot up and I huffed. “Sorry. Everyone’s been asking me that tonight and I’m just annoyed.”
She laughed. “Okay, note to self — you’re fine. Come on, let’s get drinks.”
Jenna led the way to the keg and filled up first, taking her first drink and looking back toward the fire pit as I filled mine.
“So, Jamie.”
“What about him?” I tried for indifferent. I wasn’t sure if I landed there.
“I just… I forgot how hot he was. He’s gotten even better with age. Like fine wine.”
Or whiskey.
“Yeah. He’s a stud,” I said flatly.
“I think he might be up for a little blast from the past action tonight. Would you be mad? If I maybe left with him?”
I dropped the nozzle on the keg, an ache burning my chest at the thought. Chugging half of what I poured, I started filling again, but didn’t look at her. “Of course not. Have fun.”
“Are you sure?”
I didn’t get to answer because Jamie had shown up, holding his hand out for the nozzle as I finished filling my cup. I thrust it into his hands.
“You girls up for a swim?” he asked, nodding toward the pool not even a hundred feet from the pits.
“It’s freezing,” I deadpanned.
He just shrugged. “So? Live a little.”
“Because that always works out so well,” I murmured, lifting my cup to my lips.
Jenna narrowed her eyes. “Why are you being weird tonight?”
“I’m not being weird,” I gritted through my teeth, my head swimming from the alcohol. I realized the longer I stood that I’d successfully fulfilled my plan to get drunk.
“I don’t know,” Jamie offered, standing up straight with his beer now full. “You are kind of being weird.”
I glared up at him then and he just smirked, taking a sip. I opened my mouth to pop off some sort of smart remark, but decided better, shaking my head instead. “I’m going to find Ethan. You two have fun catching hypothermia.”
Jenna called out to me but I ignored her, deciding at that moment that what Jamie and Jenna did that night didn’t matter.
But no matter how much I repeated that to myself as I finished beer after beer and the night turned to early morning, I couldn’t stop watching them. They were like a car wreck or a drunk guy preaching on the sidewalk. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t tear my eyes away for more than thirty seconds, and the more the night went on, the more they touched, the more they laughed, the more I wanted to vomit.