And Kenzie had made him drive the truck. There were so many things she wanted to say that she had kept quiet until Ryker took one long shuddering breath. She waited for his eyes to clear and for him to finally turn to look at her. “I’ll understand if you want to leave.”
Kenzie’s heart ached for him. Mental illness was heartbreaking for all involved. “You didn’t kill her, Ryker. I know you feel as if you did, but you didn’t. This was a sad and horrible situation, but the only people who are to blame are her parents, the ones that hurt her. Christabelle and you are the victims here.”
“I can’t be the victim. I’m not the one who died,” Ryker said as he turned to look out the window again.
“Look at me, Ryker. You are not at fault. You are not a murderer, and I will not leave you because I know your heart is good. I know you’d never hurt an innocent woman. And before you say anything, yes, I know you can hurt people. However, I know the difference between self-defense and hurting innocent people. You’re the man who ran into the fire to save his workers. You’re the man who is always there for his family even as they tease you. You are the man I have fallen in love with.” Kenzie didn’t reach out for him except to place her hand over his. Instead, she waited. They were the longest minutes of her life as he processed what she said.
Kenzie heard the shuddered breath as he battled his own inner demons while she scooted to the head of the bed. She leaned against the headboard and opened her arms. Then she waited. He glanced back at her and then lay down. His head rested in her lap and she gently ran her fingers through his hair.
“You are worth my love, Ryker,” she whispered as she felt him struggle to keep control of his emotions.
“And you’re my angel, but I don’t know if you can save me from this.”
“I’ll guard your heart with my life and always be there to bring you out of the darkness and into the light,” Kenzie promised as she continued to hold him.
Ryker was quiet for almost twenty minutes. Kenzie didn’t push him. She knew he had his own PTSD after living through what he did and needed to come to terms with his past. The surprised look from Granger when he’d pulled them over now made sense. Ryker had locked everything away, deep down inside him, even keeping the truck from that horrible night instead of letting it go. He needed time to process the hurt, the fear, and the loss of control he’d felt that night. “I don’t deserve you,” Ryker said, finally sitting up.
“But you do, Ryker. You deserve happiness and love. The mental health wing of the hospital . . . that was you, wasn’t it?” Ryker nodded. “There’s a safe house that medical professionals know to refer people to when they come into the ER and we suspect they are in danger of domestic violence. It’s called Christabelle’s House. That was you, too, wasn’t it?” Ryker nodded again. “You couldn’t save her, Ryker. But you’ve saved thousands since. Have you ever gone to Christabelle’s?”
“No. I couldn’t bring myself to go.”
“It’s a special place. I know where it is and have sent several women there, even teenagers to protect them from their parents. Speaking of parents, what happened to Christabelle’s?”
Ryker let out another sigh. “Her father went to prison after a domestic violence call and died in a fight there a year after Christabelle died. Her mother died of an overdose three months later. Neither made it to their trial to face the abuse charges for what they did to their daughter.”
Ryker turned so his face was only inches from hers. “You really don’t find me a monster? You’re not scared of me?”
Kenzie raised her hand to cup his cheek in her hand. “You’re no monster, Ryker. You never were and I’ve certainly never been scared that you’d hurt me. I never feel safer than when I’m with you. Now, curl up with me and let’s get some sleep.”
Kenzie patted her lap and Ryker lay back down. She knew he didn’t go right to sleep. She could practically feel his mind spinning. Finally, as the sun began to rise, she felt him fall asleep and closed her own eyes.
16
“Where are we going?” Ryker asked after getting just a couple of hours of sleep. When he’d woken up, he was still lying on Kenzie’s lap, her hand in his hair as she slept. She’d felt him wake up and that had woken her. She’d left to go change and ordered him to put on his jeans. They were going out before going boating.
Now Ryker sat in the passenger seat of her ancient car as they drove toward Charleston. They turned west and headed out a country road, and Ryker began to get suspicious. He knew the name of the road they were on. He knew it because he owned property out here. Or more specifically, a charity of his did—Christabelle’s House.
“How do you know where it is?” he asked, knowing he didn’t need to elaborate.
“I told you I’ve referred people here. I’ve snuck people out of the hospital and driven them here while my friend Jen kept the abuser occupied. You need to see it, Ryker. You need to see what you’ve done.”
He knew what he’d done. He’d given a fortune to a charity that a woman named Clarice ran. That’s all he knew and all he needed to know. Telling Kenzie all of his ugly history last night had left him feeling raw emotionally and he didn’t think he’d be able to survive this visit. Relief had flooded him when Kenzie hadn’t run in fear. However, that didn’t mean he wanted to ever talk about it again.
“Last night you faced your past. This morning you need to face your present.”
Kenzie turned into a farm-like property surrounded by a tall fence that had a massive metal gate and a security guard on duty.
“Oh, hi, Kenzie.”
“Hi, Clive. How are you doing?”
“Good,” he smiled at Kenzie but then frowned at Ryker. “Sorry, no guests. You know the rules.”
“He’s not a guest,” Kenzie told him. “Would you tell Clarice that Ryker Faulkner is here?”
Ryker grew nervous as the armed security guard went into his booth and made a phone call. He didn’t want to see what was behind the metal gate. He didn’t want to face it. He’d done this for purely selfish reasons—as atonement for the life he couldn’t save.
“You must be someone special. Miss Clarice said to let you in and you know she’s a stickler for the rules.” Clive looked at him with curiosity as he entered a code to open the gate.
“What are the rules?” Ryker asked once Kenzie rolled up the window.
“No outsiders allowed except for a handful of law enforcement and medical professionals.”
“Like you,” Ryker said as he watched the gate roll open.
“Yes. I bring people from the hospital and I also provide medical care on my off time when there are emergencies and it isn’t safe to go to the hospital.”
Kenzie drove through the gate and up a long dirt and sand drive. On each side of the drive were fruit trees. Ryker saw some women picking fruit and some children running among the trees. They crested a small hill and there was a large farmhouse with a wrap-around veranda. Off to each side and set back a little were two other structures that resembled fancy barns. “What are those?”