“Still hate dates?” Illium asked, no anger in him at that instant.
“Hate is a strong word. Despise beyond bearing would be better.”
A grin that hit Aodhan right in the gut, it was so familiar. “There’s chocolate in my backpack. I can get you some.”
Aodhan smiled, went to answer . . . and it hit him then. His willingness to fall right back into the uneven relationship that had been so easy—and a cowardice. It had nothing to do with the offer of chocolate and everything to do with how quickly he was willing to turn his face from all that he wanted to change between them, how ready he was to forget the difficult conversations they needed to have, just to keep that smile on Illium’s face.
Stepping back without thought, he said, “No, the fruit is fine.”
Grin erased, Illium finished a glass of water and said, “If you’re ready.”
Aodhan wanted to kick himself for his panicked reaction—because it had been panic. This past year, he’d convinced himself he was growing, becoming stronger, more who he would’ve been had an act of suffocating evil not derailed his life. But that was before his greatest temptation landed in the territory.
Illium, so bright and charismatic and generous.
Illium, so sure of what he wanted in life.
Illium, so easy to follow.
And follow him Aodhan had. Nearly all his life.
“Illium.” He lifted a hand, dropped it when Illium went motionless. “That wasn’t—”
“No explanations necessary.” A small meaningless smile. “My fault. We agreed to treat each other like squadron mates on a task. I’m the one who keeps overstepping.”
No, Aodhan wanted to yell, I didn’t agree to any such thing! We’ve never been anything so mundane, have always been more. Yet how could he say that, how could he demand more than this strained silence between them without falling into the gravitational force that was Illium?
If he fell, he’d remain stuck in amber. That was his greatest fear: that his dependence on Illium would leave him frozen in time, while his extraordinary friend grew and changed until he was a star Aodhan couldn’t touch.
He said none of that. He wasn’t quicksilver like his best friend. He needed time to think, to get his thoughts in order. And he could hear the faint murmur of voices in the distance as Li Wei and her team headed to the kitchen.
The idea of coming face-to-face with Kai when he felt rubbed raw turned his tone flat and curt as he said, “Let’s go.”
* * *
* * *
Illium was glad of their short time in the air after that ugly moment in the kitchen when Aodhan had taken a physical step back from him. Illium had seen Suyin touch Aodhan this morning, so it wasn’t as if Aodhan’s trauma had reared its horrific head, his friend fighting the dark.
No, it was Illium specifically that Aodhan didn’t want close.
Illium’s breath came out ragged, his chest crushing in on itself. The quick flight was just long enough for him to raise a shield that had been faltering, put it back in place. Patched and repaired it might be, but the fucking thing would hold. All he needed to do anytime it weakened was to remember that instant in the kitchen.
When Aodhan had broken his fucking heart.
Keep it together, he ordered himself as they reached the hamlet. “Looks normal at first glance.”
Hovering overhead, they took in the small grouping of homes. Each had its own vegetable garden and enough space for a domestic animal or two, but it wasn’t a large settlement by any measure.
The forests and pillars of Zhangjiajie surrounded it on every side. Even the gravel road that led eventually to the main road, on which today traveled Suyin’s people, was heavily shadowed, the greenery encroaching on it from above and on either side.
“It could be a painting of a sleeping woodland village.” Aodhan’s voice was a little rough. “Like from a children’s book.”
“As if it wasn’t abandoned, but closed up for a long absence.” From what he could see, the doors were shut, the windows latched. No cars sat on the single main street that ran through the small settlement, and there were no abandoned items or pieces of lost clothing on the street or elsewhere, as might happen if people left in a rush.
The vehicles he could see were parked in what looked to be their usual spots beside houses, or at the side of the road. He spotted a few garages, guessed other cars lay within. “It’s like Vetra said, it looks like an average settlement in the middle of nowhere.”
Similar settlements existed in Raphael’s territory, usually made up of people who were self-sufficient and preferred to live off the grid. “I believed her when she said it, but I have to admit I still wasn’t expecting anything this normal.” He could see why she’d been so disconcerted.
“I, too, thought she must have missed some small sign of trouble since she was tired and on her way home from a long survey mission,” Aodhan admitted.
“I guess we both need to mentally apologize for our doubts. I’m going to land.”
“I’ll keep watch, see if your presence stirs up anything.”
With that, Illium arrowed himself to drop down in the center of the street. The susurration of his wings folding back was the loudest sound in the area. Even the trees had stopped rustling. It’s eerie, he thought to Aodhan. Like the world has stopped here.
I see movement to your left, near the yellow house.
Illium shifted his attention, didn’t see what had caught Aodhan’s eye. Walking closer while Aodhan shadowed him from above, he went to slide out his sword, when he heard a small sound.
He halted.
It came again.
A smile curving over his lips, he crouched down and looked under the raised porch to meet the scared eyes of a kitten so small she’d fit in the palm of his hand. “Hello there,” he murmured, and held out his hand for her to sniff.
She scrabbled back instead.
“Don’t blame you,” he murmured, “It’s creepy out here.” Aodhan, it’s safe. Our intruder is maybe eight inches long and probably weighs as much as a puff of air.
Aodhan joined him moments later. “Here,” he said, after digging into a wide side pocket of his rough canvas pants. “I grabbed a couple of packs of jerky on my way out of the kitchen, in case you got hungry later.”
When Illium scowled up at him, Aodhan a glittering silhouette against the sky, his face shadowed, Aodhan said, “You didn’t eat anywhere near enough to refill your energy reserves.”
Still annoyed, Illium grabbed the packet, and opened it to pull out a piece of dried meat. He put it where the kitten could get at it. Then he rose—while eating another slice. He slid the extra into a pocket. He wasn’t going to cut off his nose to spite his face—even if he really felt like it.