I grimace, hating to even remember the intimacy I had with Jace. I’d harbored such awful feelings toward him at the end, not quite hate but somewhere near it, for everything he put me through. But I play it off, lamenting, “He totally lacked imagination. Never cared if I got off.”
“Asshole,” Riggs mutters, then leans to kiss me. “That’s all the fun for me… watching you get off.”
And yes, my heart flutters, but I dismiss the sincerity. That didn’t come from a place of fondness, I’m sure.
“The other guy was my high school sweetheart,” I explain. “We lost our virginity to each other, and we had no clue what in the hell we were doing. I’m still not sure I know.”
“Oh, you know.” Riggs raises up on an elbow to hover over me. “Trust me… you really know what you’re doing.”
I smile, pleased by the compliment.
“I’ve got to get going,” he says with true regret. I knew tonight we wouldn’t have long, because he’d made plans to go out with some of his teammates, and I’m never going to be that woman who stands in the way of him and his team.
For a second, he looks as if he’s reconsidering, so I push on his chest. “Go. Get out of here. You have friends waiting for you.”
Riggs studies me, as if he’s still contemplating flaking on his buddies, but leans in and kisses me one more time. “Okay. I’m going.”
I pull the covers up as Riggs goes into my bathroom to clean up, then comes out gloriously naked. It’s not a hardship to watch him get dressed.
“Do you mind if Janelle comes to Grandma Katie’s with me next weekend?” I ask.
“Family reunion time?” he guesses.
I nod. “And cousin Chappy’s birthday.”
“Of course, she can go,” he replies, zipping up his jeans and threading the button.
“You’re obviously welcome to come,” I say, assuming it’s the polite thing to offer. I regret it almost instantly when he tenses, and I know he considers that a line we shouldn’t cross.
And he’s probably right.
“I’ve got plans,” he says vaguely.
“No worries at all,” I reassure him. “Just know as Janelle’s brother, you have an open invite to any of those gatherings. You don’t even have to speak to me when you’re there.”
Riggs shoots me a look that says he thinks I’m a smart-ass, and he knows something he can do to my mouth as punishment. It lightens the mood, and we’re okay again.
When he has his shoes on, he moves back to the side of the bed and leans over to kiss me. “Tonight was great,” he says.
“Amazing,” I agree. “I’ll see you at the engagement party day after tomorrow.”
“Shit, I forgot about that,” he says. “Are we supposed to bring a gift to that type of thing?”
“It’s a good idea,” I advise. Then I tease, “Are you taking a date?”
Riggs’s eyes cloud over. “Are you asking me to take you as my date, because if so, the answer is no. We agreed, this is a sex-only relationship.”
Now I’m offended. Somehow we went from teasing to him making assumptions about me. “No, I wasn’t asking you for a date,” I snap at him irritably. “I was sincerely asking if you’re taking a date. You could have other women, as far as I know.”
I expect him to deny it but instead, he asks, “Why? Are you taking a date?”
At this point, I could defuse the situation. We’ve gotten off track from our very simple understanding of what we are. While we should have talked about some type of commitment not to see or fuck other people, we haven’t, so it’s only reasonable for me to say, “As a matter of fact, I am taking a date.”
I’m deflated when Riggs doesn’t even look pissed. Instead, he gives me a smile. “Well then… I hope you have a good time. I’ll see you there.”
And with that, he leaves without even a goodbye or thanks for an amazing orgasm. He shuts my bedroom door as he walks out, and I’m so annoyed, I chuck one of my pillows at it. It falls two feet short.
Throwing myself back down on the mattress, I stew for all of thirty seconds before grabbing my phone from the bedside table and dialing Clarke.
She answers on the second ring. “How were the sexcapades tonight?”
Yes, she knows I’m sleeping with Riggs. I told her after the very first time, and she’s torn up about it. She doesn’t see anything but heartache for me in the future, and I keep telling her she’s nuts. Riggs has nothing about him that’ll ever touch my heart, but even now as I think how to answer her, I remember the way he made my heart flutter tonight.
Before he became an asshole again.
“The sex was great,” I say brightly.
Too brightly because she says, “Yeah… that sounds totally fake. What happened?”
I fill her in on the evening, not giving the sex details but reiterating that it was better than ever. Then I catch her up on the end, right up to the point when I threw the pillow at the door.
“Veronica,” she says in a low warning voice, “you’re playing a dangerous game.”
“I’m not going to get hurt,” I reassure her. “And neither is he. If anything, we’ve both proven that we’re actually very similar. We’re fine with things this way. Besides, he was completely unfazed I’m bringing a date.”
“And just who are you bringing?” she asks.
“Devlin,” I reply without giving it any thought. He’s the only one I’d bring.
“But Devlin’s gay.”
“Duh,” I reply. “But only three people know that… you, me, and Devlin.”
Clarke is silent, and I can feel her disapproval over the line.
“What?” I ask, pressing her to just lay it on me.
“You need to be honest with your feelings,” she says softly.
“I am,” I insist.
“You’re not. It bothers you he wouldn’t consider taking you as a date. You’re taking Devlin as payback. That means you’re invested.”
I refuse to accept any of that. “First, I’m not upset he isn’t taking me as a date. Second, Devlin isn’t payback. Third, I’m not invested.”
“That’s not convincing. You just regurgitated the opposite of what I said.”
“Well, I told him I’m bringing a date, so now I have to, regardless of my intentions originally.”
“If you say so,” she drawls.
“Listen,” I say somberly, “I’m okay, and I know this will never be anything but sex with Riggs. I don’t hope or wish for more. Come on, Clarke… you know I’m the last person in the world who wants love and all that yucky stuff that deals with feelings. Riggs is on the same page.”
“If you say so,” she repeats, her way of saying she’s not buying anything I’m selling.
I love her for loving me and being concerned, but truly… I got this. Riggs is a fun romp in the sack, and he’ll never be anything more. In fact, we need to have a conversation to clarify that this is not monogamous, and we’re both free to do what we want without any expectations of more.