I’m exhausted.
I’m scared.
I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before and I just want to climb in a bed and hide under a blanket until everything makes sense again.
“Yeah, tomorrow,” I mutter, following her out of the bathroom. I climb onto the bed, the familiar smell of leather and smoke wrapping around me and relaxing me. Tugging the blankets over me, I curl up in them, my hair soaking the pillow.
Saint comes out of the bathroom with a pair of jersey shorts on, no shirt. His chest looks more defined than the last time I saw him, has he been working out? He climbs into the bed behind me, pulling me close. He brushes the hair from my face and places a hand on my belly.
A warm tear fills the corner of my eye before trickling down my nose.
For months I imagined this, and now it’s real. I’m home, with Saint behind me palming my pregnant belly.
I sniffle.
“Where’s Vada?” I ask.
“The ol’ ladies have her. They will decide what to do,” he explains.
I nod, knowing Vada is in good hands. The ol’ ladies are trustworthy and wouldn’t put Vada in harm’s way, my mother is an ol’ lady. I’ll check on her in the morning. For now… I just want to snuggle in the moment with my prospect and sleep.
Stacks’ face stares back at me without any emotion on his face, his eyes staring into me like I’m looking at a mugshot. But, I can feel his hands on my back, my face, and my hair. It as if bugs are running in and out of my orifices. I slap at them, trying to rid of the critters and Stacks laughs, the sound mocking.
“No!” I scream, trying to wave him away. A black hole suddenly opens up on his forehead and blood begins to pour out on top of me. I can’t breathe. The bugs and blood drowning me where I lay.
“Help!” I gag, trying to crawl away. I don’t know where I’m going, everything is black.
Opening my mouth to cry out for help again, all the bugs swarm into my mouth and down my throat, silencing my screams.
“Saint—”
I’m suddenly jostled awake, Saint staring back at me. I feel my face, my mouth, it’s normal, no bugs. It was a nightmare. I’m here at the club, safe. I look to Saint, my eyes filling with tears. Is this what’s going to happen every time I’m asleep? Am I going to have flashbacks and react with PTSD symptoms? I’ll always be afraid, always looking over my shoulder and willing my mind to stay in the now.
“They did break me,” I croak with realization. “He broke me.” I begin to cry, scared I’ll never not fear Stacks, Candy, and Rad.
Saint grabs my chin with a firm grip, making me look him in the eyes.
“Fuck them. You are stronger than this, Piper,” he snaps, angering me. He’s supposed to be here for me, comfort me. “You fuck them up next time they try to play in your head, you hear me?”
He’s right. I’m stronger than this. I’ll only break if I let them. Nodding, I pull my chin from his grip and throw the blankets off me. I’m drenched with sweat.
The smell of breakfast makes my stomach growl. It smells really good. Candy didn’t cook much, so the smell of bacon and eggs was an absent scent the last few months.
I think about putting on some pants, but shrug it off and open the door to the bedroom. Delilah is asleep on the floor with a .45 in her hand. She was keeping watch.
I squat, brushing the hair from her face. She startles before looking up at me.
I smile.
“How long did you stay up?” I ask. She stretches and winces. Lying on the floor making her sore.
“I don’t know, It was light outside, I know.” Sitting up, her knees to her chest, she yawns.
“Go to sleep. I’ll be fine today.” Not only will Saint be within feet from me, but Lip and the rest of the Devils won’t let me out of their sight. Not with Rad missing.
Standing up, I head down the hall until coming to the main room. It looks just like I left it, it’s nice to see some things never change.
My mom smiles at me from behind the bar. She’s fully dressed in a black tight shirt and jeans, her hair pulled up high, and red lipstick on. I touch my lips, red lipstick is our thing, I miss it.
She slides a cup and plate full of food over to me just as I sit on a stool.
Grasping the coffee cup, I look at the brown liquid. I haven’t had coffee in months. The expecting books said caffeine isn’t good for the baby, so I push it aside for now and concentrate on the food.
Taking my fork, I stare at it. It looks so good. Stabbing a scrambled egg, I place it my mouth and my taste buds come alive. I close my eyes and relish in the taste of warm fresh food. I swallow, forgetting to chew and begin hoovering the rest of the plate in my mouth.
My mother refilling it twice before I let my fork fall to the plate with a clatter.
“How are you feeling?” Dani asks, leaning against the counter. Her dark hair down, framing her face. She’s wearing her black leather jacket, dark clothes just like her soul. I love her.
“Still tired, I feel like I could sleep days,” I explain.
“Probably dehydrated,” she offers.
Inhaling a breath, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and say, “Maybe.”
Speaking of dehydrated. “Um, where’s Vada?”
“She’s sleeping in one of the rooms.” Dani sighs, refilling her coffee cup. “We were going to take her to family services, but she said she ran away from a foster home only to find shelter with Candy.” Dani looks at me, blowing the steam off the top of her cup. “I don’t want to take her in only for her to return back to a dangerous place. I’m going to take her home with me for now,” Dani continues. Crossing my arms, I lean forward.
“I think she would really like that,” I say. Looking down at my clean plate, I can’t help but wonder if Vada was raped in the garages, what her life must have been like in foster care if staying at Candy’s was a better choice. She’s been through a lot for such a young girl.
Instinctively, I place my hand on my belly, wondering how a mother could ever let their child go through what Vada has.
“My baby is safe, it’s not with Candy and won’t ever be,” I whisper under my breath.
“You ready to go to the hospital?” my mom asks, taking my attention off myself and to her.
“Yeah. I see my belly growing and know there’s a baby in there but I want to see it, hear it, you know?” I look up to her, finding her smiling.
“I know exactly what you mean.”
“Do you think we will find out if it’s a boy or girl today?” I can’t help but wonder.
“I dunno, it’s been so long ago that I was pregnant.” My mom’s face is quizzical.
Burping, I stand.
“I’ll go change and meet you guys out here?”
Both women nod. Turning to head down the hall, Shadow stands in my way, his arms crossed. His arms muscled, and face somber, I can’t help but stop in my tracks.
“We need to discuss what you’re going to tell the doctors, how you’re going to explain your malnutrition.” His voice callous and to the point. Just like I remember.
“What do you want me to tell them?”
“That you’re dumb and didn’t know any better,” Saint offers, stepping up behind Shadow. My brows narrow in with anger.