“Our what?” Maimanne stiffened, reparking her backside on the chaise. “Who said that?” She squinted Jayd’s way. “Did you say that? Why?”
Jayd consoled her with a new pat on the hand. “I was only the first to utter it, Mother. No doubt the kingdom is already afizz with a thousand other expressions for it. Some kinder, and certainly some crueler…”
“Well, fuck those imbezaks.”
Before Jayd could scrape her jaw off the floor, Paipanne gave his wife a roguish chuckle. “Darling, the side effects of your medications have certainly been an adventure.”
“Fuck the medications too,” Maimanne grumbled. “Nobody calls my daughter a mistake and gets away with it.”
She started to fuss, even pulling her hand free from Jayd’s grip and starting to wave it around as if attempting a lewd finger gesture or a boxing ring punch. Jayd was clueless as to which, since Maimanne was miserably failing at both. Or perhaps reinventing both. Yes, that fit her mother better.
Thankfully, Paipanne’s smile said that he agreed. Still, he suggested, “Perhaps it is time for you to consider a small rest, raismette.”
“I can rest when I am dead. And I do not plan on that anytime soon.”
Jayd let herself have a light laugh. “Thank the Creator.”
“Just a small one,” Paipanne insisted, already spreading out a burgundy chenille throw. “You want to be awake to monitor how the boys are doing at corralling Carris, right?”
Maimanne tossed a cute side-eye. “I hate you when you are right, you know.”
“Not any more than you want to climb me like a hussy and have your wicked way with me.”
Jayd needed no other incentive to bolt upright. “On that disgusting note, I am very much out of here.”
She did not disguise her happiness when her father followed her back out into the foyer. There, she could give him the heartfelt hug that had been brewing for several joyous minutes.
“Merderim, Paipanne,” she husked into his neck, inhaling a lungful of the tobacco and tarragon scent that was distinctly his. “Merderim, merderim. This was all…”
Nothing I ever expected. Everything I ever wanted.
Before that part could blast past the moguls in her throat, Paipanne rumbled out, “I know, bijeur.” He tightened his hold with rough emotion. “I know. And I hate that it came to this before your maimanne and I told you all of it. That was wrong, and I am so damn sorry.”
Jayd pulled away far enough for their gazes to meet. “You said it best yourself, yes?” she offered. “Sometimes you will not get it right. You can only promise that you will try.”
He affectionately chucked her chin. “Why yes, I did say that.” And then sobered just as fast. “Just as I said them to your maimanne, twenty-five years ago, when I returned from the campaign against Gaddafi and beheld her condition.”
Curiosity already got the best of her. “You could tell? Were you gone that long?”
“I was away but a few months,” he explained. “Yet as soon as I set eyes on her, I knew.” His gaze turned to velvet as his lips inched into a smile. “Your maimanne is always a stunning woman, but pregnancy illuminates her like sunshine through stained glass.”
“Despite knowing that she was carrying another man’s child?”
She brutally bit her lip to avoid ending it with a sob. Maimanne really needed her rest, which would not be helped by a bawling daughter in the foyer. Thank the Creator for Paipanne, who saw her conflict at once. His hand was strong against her hair, stroking in a reassuring rhythm.
“Your mother was lonely long before I left for the battlefront with my men. Nobody was more responsible for her misery than me.” He inhaled heavily while closing his eyes in remorseful squeezes. “I had grown so full of myself. Drunk on my pride of our accomplishments as a country, floating high on the arrogance that had blown my head to thrice its size. And naturally, I assumed the size of the other head had grown in proportion.”
“Aggghhh.” Jayd pushed back, whipping her head back and forth. “Paipanne, really?”
“You asked for the truth.”
“And am seriously regretting it now.”
“Regret is not worth the invitation into your head, bijeur. Or your heart.” His humor faded beneath more somber intent. “Remorse is a wicked wraith who will show you no rest or mercy. He will steal the things that matter most. Love and loyalty, connection and devotion… In his hold, they will become naught but anger and fear and…” He shook his own head, as if every thread of silver through his loosely tied hair had become a snake. “Just believe me, all right? Accept the word of a man who waited far too long to break free from the scourge.”
“All right, Paipanne.” She meant it, every syllable’s worth, and fought to push that meaning into her voice. Still, her father seized her hand and tugged hard.
“No, sweet girl. Not just all right. You want to truly honor your maimanne and me? Then learn from this. Learn from us. Do not settle, daughter. Do not tell yourself that all right is livable. Do not be so afraid of looking at the dark that you deny yourself the light as well. One cannot exist without the other. Banish one and you have banished the other. And Jayd…” He resettled his weight until he was consuming the space in front of her, dipping his head in order to bore all his focus into her. “You deserve the light.”
Another gulp thudded down her throat. Once again, it was painful—but sweetly so. She had to take several moments to wrap her mind around the beautiful words in her ears. But in doing that, she had to accept the rest of her thoughts. The hovering insecurities. The incessant doubts.
“Even if the whole island concludes that I do not?”
“To quote a wise woman, fuck those imbezaks.” His brows tightened into a deep V. “If the Arcadian people want to rip the crown from your head because of a few different chromosomes, then we cannot stop them. But nothing—nothing—changes your place in my heart, or in your brothers’ hearts, as a daughter, a sister, and an irreplaceable member of this family.” He tapped a spot high on her sternum. “And nothing—nothing—changes the perfect princess you have become in here.”
Well, forget gulping. It was impossible to do so now. Every ounce of tension in Jayd’s frame, including a huge chunk she had not even been aware of, flowed the other way instead. “Oh, Paipanne…”
The torrential tears and the messy sobs took over. She was a blubbering fool as she pushed her forehead against his chest. Her feelings intensified once Paipanne folded his arms around her. As he wrapped her in his irrefutable strength, all the waves of his love surrounded her…dragging her into a happy undertow of assurance and warmth and hope.
Hope.
Such a small word. Such a powerful force.
The ferocity she welcomed in all its bold bounty, searing her mind and heart with so many awesome images.
One of them flared noticeably brighter than the rest.
A vision that grew more intense from the blaze of a cobalt stare. Then the brilliance of an easy but sexy grin. Then the blinding sheen of light, playing along enormous, elegant muscles. Then a thousand more things that turned her blood to kerosene whirlpools and her mind a helpless buoy on those waves.