But given her background...
Could be either. And either way, it equated to being 100 percent not for him.
“I want to touch you,” she said, and his body went still. Tight. The blood in his veins running like fire through the woods. “I want to... I want you. I have. From pretty much that first moment, as soon as I realized you weren’t going to kill me. And I can’t explain it. And I know there’s nothing waiting on the other side of this for us. I know there’s nothing possible. I’m a teacher, here. And I love it. And you...”
“I’m a ghost, sweetheart. I have to hope that Jake thinks I died somewhere. And that the authorities think I did too. I have to go underground, and I have to start over. It’s going to be a long ass time before I can come back out in the open.”
“I know.”
And she didn’t say that she wanted to just stay here and hide away from the world, but he was sure that she was thinking it.
Or maybe he was just hoping that she was.
Of course she wanted something normal. Something real. And he was still tethered to a past that didn’t allow that. She’d escaped her past. He had to honor that.
But something about her had turned him into a sentimental wreck, and he couldn’t reconcile it for anything. Not a damn thing.
“We don’t have to think that far ahead,” he said, his voice going rough.
And then he did what he’d just told himself he wouldn’t.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close.
Right now, only the space between them seemed to exist. Only this moment, not the past, not the future. Because something about all the things they’d been—opposite though they were—had led them to this moment, and all that could matter was this moment.
It was the culmination of everything. He couldn’t explain that feeling. But it was real. As real as the sunrise, as real as the sunset. As real as all the freckles on her nose.
So he cupped the back of her head, sliding his thumb along her cheekbone. And slowly, very slowly, he leaned in and pressed her mouth to his.
CHAPTER SEVEN
SHE THOUGHT THAT she might drown. The sensations that were washing through her body were too much to comprehend. She had thought about kissing before. But she hadn’t known that it would be like this. All of this. The scent of his skin, freshly cleaned, the scrape of his stubble against her face. The sound of his breath, so close to her, and the feel of it, hot on her lips.
His touch, so rough and masculine, a sharp contrast to the way he’d held her just before. All leashed strength, in a gentle hold.
And she had seen him, all of him in the shower. Hadn’t gotten a very good glimpse of... Everything. But she had seen that muscular backside, his strong thighs. He was everything. And she wanted him.
Did it matter if it was right? Did it matter if there was a future? How could the future matter at all if she couldn’t get through this moment? And she thought that she might die if she couldn’t kiss him. She couldn’t have him. She was consumed with it. And thank God his mouth was now on hers, and he was kissing her, deep and hard and rough, and giving no quarter to her inexperience, his tongue dipping deep, his mouth ravenous on hers, and it was what she needed.
Because she had been denied so many experiences in her life, and much like the TV watching, she just wanted to jump in the deep end. Later, later maybe she would refine. She would figure out exactly what she liked and what she wanted. But right now she was just hungry for everything. For all. Right now she was hungry for him. She ran her hands down his chest, and he was so hot and rough and muscled, she just groaned with her need of it.
“I... I didn’t know,” she said, before kissing him again.
And he lifted her up off the couch, sliding his hands down to cup her butt, then lower still, gripping her thighs and wrapping her legs around his waist as he carried her back down toward the hall, toward her bedroom.
He pulled her sweater up over her head and then started on her jeans, and she forgot to feel embarrassed. She forgot to feel anything but need. Maybe it was simply because... She’d had a bellyful of shame for most of her life, and now she just wanted to be. She just wanted to be Tala. And everything that she felt. Everything that she was. She was tired of closing down all of her needs.
She was tired of being only part of what she was.
A good daughter. A good sister. Then a good student, because that was all she could be. Because she had left those other things behind. A good advocate for herself, a protector of her own time and space. But not a friend. Not a lover.
And Clayton... With him, she had found something. With him, she had found something so unique and wonderful and reverent. It was friendship, and it was desire. And it was strength as much as it was weakness. And she wanted. With everything that she was, she wanted. And holding back since she had discovered how much she wanted him had been just another thing that felt like a lie. Another thing that felt like it wasn’t her.
But this... This felt like her.
And she wasn’t embarrassed. Not when he pushed her jeans down her hips, taking her underwear along with it. Not when he unclipped her bra and bared her breasts to his dark, intense gaze.
No, she wasn’t embarrassed.
She was free.
“I’m a virgin,” she said.
He let out a slow breath. “I was afraid of that.”
“I figured I ought to be up-front.”
“I appreciate it.”
“Are you going to not do it now?”
He shook his head. “I couldn’t turn back if I wanted to, ma’am.”
And she flushed all over and laughed. “Well, that’s good. Because I would be pretty mad if you took me this far and didn’t carry me the rest of the way.”
“I aim to get you there. I just... I wish it could be different. For us. For you. You deserve more.”
“No. I deserve what I want. And I want you, Clayton Everett. Bullet wound, shitty family and all.”
The corner of his mouth hitched up into a smile. “There’s something I don’t hear every day. Or even once.”
“Will you take your clothes off, please?” she whispered.
“Happy to.”
He unsnapped his jeans and pushed them down his narrow hips, revealing his arousal to her. It was thick, hard and ready.
And so was she.
Oh, she wanted this man. She wanted him so badly she ached with it. Burned with it. Couldn’t breathe for it.
Then he hauled her up against his body, every bare inch of her against every bare inch of him.