I rub my forehead. “I’m fucked, Fish.”
He puts his palm on my shoulder. “I have a feeling everything’s gonna be just fine. But if not, so what? There’ll be other movies—whereas, this was your one and only chance to beat the shit out of Seth Rockford to defend your woman’s honor.” Fish hoots with glee, which makes me laugh, too, even though I know I shouldn’t.
“Unfortunately, I’m gonna look like a loose cannon psychopath to Amy when I tell her this story,” I say, “since I can’t tell her what Seth said about her. He basically called her unfuckable, Fish—and that’s one of Amy’s biggest insecurities. But if I don’t tell her about that, then why did I beat the shit out of Seth Rockford? Because he looked at her the wrong way a couple times last week? Making her think I’m a nut case isn’t quite the grand gesture I was going for here.”
“Tell Amy the opposite,” Fish says. “Tell her Seth was talking shit about how much he wants to fuck her, so you snapped.”
“Oooh, I like that version.” I twist my mouth. “I’ll have to tell Amy something about what happened, after the cops show up at my house and arrest me for assaulting Seth Rockford.”
Fish snorts. “That’s not gonna happen. But if did, it’d be worth it.”
I shake my head and exhale loudly. “Fuck. I guess I should tell my director what happened, so Seth doesn’t find him first and spin things to make himself sound like some kind of hero. Come on.”
Fish and I begin wandering around, looking for Gary, and eventually find him in the tent with the monitors, surrounded by a bunch of people, including the woman I was looking for earlier—Margaret, who’s in charge of production.
“Hey, Gary,” I say, coming to a stand next to him. “Sorry to interrupt.”
“Colin!” Gary says warmly, turning to greet me. “Great to see you!”
“You might not feel that way after I tell you what I’ve done.” I take a deep breath and tell Gary the story of what happened in Seth’s trailer, although I don’t mention the PA in Seth’s bed to protect her privacy.
“I totally overreacted,” I admit. “Seth wasn’t physically threatening me. He made a crack about my girlfriend, Amy—my PA last week—not being attractive enough to have sex with, and I lost it. He was a douchebag, but that was no excuse for me to physically attack him.”
Gary looks distressed. “Shit, Colin.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Seth’s a producer on the movie.”
“I know.” I hang my head. “I know you went out on a limb to cast me. I’m sorry I’ve let you down.”
Gary exhales. “Seth’s gonna demand we reshoot all your scenes with another actor. He might even file a police report. He’s a vindictive motherfucker.”
“That’s why I wanted you to hear it from me first. I fucked up, but I don’t want him making shit up and piling on.”
“Excuse me,” Fish says politely, holding up his index finger. “Sorry to interrupt. I’m Matthew Fishberger, Colin’s bandmate. I was there when Colin clocked Seth, and I believe Colin has left out a critical detail. Namely, the fact that there was a naked PA in Seth’s bed when we burst in there.”
“Fish, no.”
Fish waves me off. “Are head-honcho producers supposed to have sex with their PAs? Especially a new one, who wouldn’t be nearly as comfortable telling her boss to fuck off when he hits on her? I thought that’s a big no-no.”
“Fish, let’s not drag that poor woman into this.”
“But wouldn’t she have to give a statement as an eyewitness, if Seth tried to press charges against Colin or get him kicked off the movie?” Fish asks. “That’s the only reason I’ve brought her up—because I have a feeling, when Seth realizes that, he’ll probably want to let bygones be bygones.”
My mouth clanks open. Holy shit! He’s a genius!
Gary looks at Margaret, his eyebrows lifted, before returning to Fish. “You’re exactly right, Matthew. Yes, any eyewitness to what happened would most definitely need to give an official statement, if Seth were to report what happened with Colin.” He looks at Margaret again. “But given the circumstances, I can’t fathom Seth would want to do that.”
“I’ll handle it,” Margaret says tightly, before taking a few steps away, with her phone already pressed to her ear.
Gary returns to Fish and me. “Don’t worry about a thing, Colin. I’m positive Seth won’t say a word about what happened. In fact, what I think happened is Seth accidentally smashed his face while choreographing a fight sequence with our stunt coordinator.”
“How very masculine of him,” Fish mutters. “That’s so alpha.”
Gary looks at me sternly. “You got lucky this time, Colin. If that PA hadn’t been there, you’d be fucked, and I wouldn’t be able to help you.”
I exhale an ocean of relief. “I’m sorry I lost my temper.”
“You should be.” He claps a palm on my shoulder and leans forward to whisper. “But don’t be too sorry.” He snickers. “I’ll deny it if you repeat this, but you did what half of Hollywood has been wanting to do to Seth for years.” He smirks. “Including me.”
Fish hoots with glee, but I’m too relieved to join him.
“It’s gonna be fine, Colin. But don’t you dare fuck up like this on our next movie together. This is a lucky, one-time free pass.”
“I’m gonna do another movie with you?” I ask.
Gary smiles. “Of course. I always like working with my favorite actors, again and again. Surely, you know this about me.”
I feel myself blushing. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that. I’d love to work with you again, Gary. Any time.”
“Good. I’ve already got something in mind for you. It’s shooting next year.”
My heart feels like it’s bursting. “Whenever you call me, I’ll come running. Working with you has been a dream come true.”
Someone calls to Gary and he tells them he’ll be right there.
“I’ll let you go,” I say. “I know you’re slammed. Thanks for everything. Again, sorry.”
“I’ll call you after I get back from Hawaii,” Gary says. “Let’s never speak of the incident in Seth’s trailer again.”
“What incident?”
“Good boy.” With that, Gary walks away and returns to his monitors, while I stand aside with Fish and wait for Margaret, who’s standing nearby, to end her phone call. Finally, when she does, I beeline to her with Fish in tow.
“Sorry to bother you,” I say to Margaret. “Can you tell me where Amy’s been assigned?”
Margaret looks confused. “Amy doesn’t work here. She left the production when you did.” When I look at Margaret blankly, she adds, “I offered Amy a permanent position, but she said she’d decided to take another job—her ‘dream job,’ she called it.”
I’m stupefied. “Did Amy identify this ‘dream job’?”
“No.” Margaret tilts her head. “I’m surprised she didn’t tell you about it.”