Brant brushed a kiss to her forehead, and reality slowly filtered in. They were in the middle of the dance floor. Everyone had seen them, had seen her losing herself in him. He made her feel too much too fast. She’d been so consumed with desire, she’d been this close to dragging him off the dance floor and home to her bed. Her legs began to shake as ghosts flew out the darkest recesses of her mind, whipping their evil tails, slamming her with degrading slurs and hurtful reminders of her past. What was I thinking? This wouldn’t last, and when everything fell apart, it could ruin her relationship with her sisters.
“Cait? Cait. Look at me, babe.” Brant touched her face, bringing his into focus. “Are you okay?”
“I . . .” Her throat constricted, and the room started to spin. Anxiety prickled her limbs, exploding like a bomb in her chest. “I need air.” She ran through the crowd and out the door. Brant was right behind her as she gulped air into her lungs and ran down the steps and under the deck.
“Cait!” He grabbed her wrist gently, not aggressively. “Caity, what’s wrong? Was it the kiss? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”
“You didn’t.” She paced, her thoughts in tatters. “It’s not you, Brant. It’s me. I’m messed up.”
“I don’t believe that, babe.” He pulled her closer, but she pushed out of his arms. He held up his hands, his face a mask of concern. “Sorry. Talk to me, Cait, please.”
“I shouldn’t have kissed you. You make me feel too much.” So much it scared the shit out of me. Tears of embarrassment burned her eyes. She crossed her arms, choking out, “I don’t lose control like that. I can’t afford to. I told you I’m a head case.”
He stepped closer, hands out to his sides. “You’re not. You’re a smart, strong woman who has obviously been hurt. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but maybe I can help you sort it out.”
“You can’t.” She was trembling, wanting desperately to slay the dragons that were breathing fire between them. “I’m sorry. I hate this.”
“Caity,” he said softly, anguish swimming in his eyes. “Whatever this is, you don’t have to try to figure it out alone.”
Her thoughts spun with embarrassment, old hurt, and self-loathing for being stuck in a hellish cycle she couldn’t break. “I fucking . . . Ugh!” She threw her hands up. “Trust me, Brant, that kiss was a mistake.”
“Why don’t we talk about it? I can’t just watch you suffer. We’re too connected.” He walked slowly toward her, one hand over his heart. “When you’re upset, I feel it, too.”
“Brant,” she said softly, wanting him to hold her and wanting to run away at the same time.
“I won’t leave you like this, Cait.”
“Please.” She turned away with the half-hearted plea.
He put his arms around her from behind, holding her gently. “Friends don’t leave friends to suffer alone. I’ve got you.”
A lump lodged in her throat.
He moved around to her front, gathering her in his arms, and guided her cheek to his shoulder. He stroked her back and kissed the top of her head, sending gratitude and disbelief rumbling through her, taking the edge off. “I’m right here, and whatever you’ve gone through, whoever hurt you, is never going to get the chance again.”
She soaked in his comfort but knew she couldn’t drag him into her nightmare. “Don’t you have alarm bells going off in your head? Red flags telling you to run? Why are you doing this?”
“Because I care about you.”
Voices of her past slammed into her, reminding her that she’d heard those empty words before. Those voices warred with her heart, which was telling her that Brant wasn’t like the men who had hurt her. The conflicting emotions made it all worse and more confusing. Her anxiety mounted until she felt like she might scream.
She pushed out of his arms, hating and appreciating the worry in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I need to go home.”
“I’ll drive you. You shouldn’t drive when you’re this upset.”
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine.”
He held his hands up, as if to remind her that he wasn’t going to manhandle her, and she hated that he felt the need to do that.
“Cait, if you won’t let me drive you home, then I’m following you to make sure you get there safely. I’ll leave right after I know you’re safe. I promise. I just need to get Scrappy. Will you wait here for me? Give me three minutes to get the dog?”
“You don’t need three minutes,” Gunner said, and they both turned to see him walking toward them with Scrappy in his hands.
Embarrassment engulfed Cait. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Since about ten seconds after I saw Brant run after you.” He handed Scrappy to Brant, his eyes on Cait. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” she said too sharply, but she couldn’t help it.
“Brant’s right. You shouldn’t drive.”
“I’m driving myself home, Gunner.”
“I’ve got her,” Brant said with a nod.
“I know you do, man.” Gunner looked at Cait. “You good with him following you? Or do you want me to follow you?”
“He’s fine. He’s great.” I’m the messed-up one.
Gunner pulled out his wallet and handed Brant a card. “My number is on there. Call me if . . .”
If I fall apart?
“I will.” Brant pocketed the card. “She’ll be okay.”
As Brant walked her to her car, she saw her other friends standing on the deck, watching them. They didn’t know about the abuse she’d suffered, which meant they probably thought she and Brant were fighting. She was going to screw up his life if she didn’t get away from him.
“We’ll be right behind you.” Brant held up Scrappy. “Want to give him a snuggle before you get in?”
She took the pup, burying her face in his fur, and a mild sense of calm washed over her.
“Do you want to take him with you?”
Cait shook her head and handed him the dog. “I shouldn’t.”
On the way home, she tried to pull herself together, putting distance between herself and her thoughts. It was more difficult than ever, because she wanted to relive their kiss, but she was afraid to. She felt like a battered tree in an ongoing storm, but at least she’d stopped her tears by the time they arrived at her cottage.
Brant parked at the curb, and when he climbed from the truck with Scrappy in his arms, her heart ached. She never should have kissed him.
He met her on the front walk. “Listen, Cait, I’m going to sleep on my boat at the marina tonight in case you need anything.”
“You don’t have to do that. Don’t you have to work in the morning?”
“I’m tight with the boss,” he said with a troubled attempt at a smile. “I think he’ll forgive me. Do you want to keep Scrappy and I’ll come get him in the morning?”
She did, more than anything in the world, but she couldn’t because she needed to cut Brant free from the noose of her past. She shook her head. “Let me just hold him for a minute.” She gave Scrappy one last kiss and cuddle and handed him to Brant. Her throat felt like it was closing as she choked out, “I’m sorry about tonight.”