“I should have, and I’m sorry I didn’t,” Deirdra said. “But I was nineteen and trying to hold my shit together. The point I’m getting at is that we suffered neglect. Dealing with an alcoholic mother is very different from what Cait went through. But I think the shame that goes along with it is probably similar. I had a hard time opening up about our mom with my college friends because of that. I thought it reflected poorly on me. But once I took the plunge and started to tell my friends, it got easier, and eventually the urge to hide it went away completely. That was a huge turning point for me. Cait, as hard as this will sound, my advice is to try not to hide it from anyone. You went through something horrible, but that’s not who you are; it’s what you endured.”
“Thanks, Dee. That’s what Brant said, too, about it not being who I am. And the therapist told me I should get it out in the open. I’m glad I’m starting to.”
“And Brant is being understanding?” Abby asked.
“He’s been wonderful. But it’s going to take some getting used to being with him in public. Everyone around here is so in your face about things, and you know me. I like to blend into the background. But Brant is super affectionate, and he’s a talker. He says and does exactly what he feels all the time, which is way better than not knowing what he’s thinking, but I’m not real comfortable with PDAs. I want to be okay with them. It’s just hard. He told me if it were up to him, he’d tell the entire island we’re together.”
“In all fairness, he has been trying to get you to go out with him for a long time. He probably feels like he won the America’s Cup,” Deirdra said.
“He said you saw Jules and Daphne this morning, which means everyone probably knows by now,” Abby said. “But if you explain how you feel about PDAs, I’m sure he’ll understand.”
“I did and he does. The thing is, I really like him. I feel good when we’re together. Hopeful even, and I hope I don’t drive him away.”
“Have you seen the way he looks at you?” Abby asked.
“Yes. It’s hard to miss.” Cait found herself smiling. She really did feel better. “It’s funny, before meeting you guys and Brant, I never let myself think about the things I missed out on when I was growing up. But since getting to know you and the people you grew up with, and hearing stories about dates and breakups, bonfires and weekend parties, and other things that most teenagers experience, I’ve been thinking about it a lot. When I lived with my father, I was focused on doing and saying all the right things and hiding the abuse, and after I ran away, I was all about surviving without getting caught. I never had a first crush, a first love, or even that first great college-aged relationship when you have wild sex and eat pizza out of a box on the floor naked, you know?”
“I never did that. I’m putting that on my bucket list,” Deirdra said.
“You were too focused on school for naked pizza eating,” Abby reminded her. “I hate that you never experienced those things, Cait.”
“Me too, but being with Brant feels like what I imagine all those things would have felt like, only better, because we’re not kids. He gives me butterflies. I’m thirty-two. Do women my age even get butterflies? How can I have butterflies and want to rip his clothes off and make up for all those lost years?”
“Aiden still gives me butterflies, and I always want to rip his clothes off and devour him,” Abby said.
“We know,” Deirdra teased. “Cait, you totally deserve butterflies and great sex. Are you worried about getting down and dirty with Brant?”
“Maybe I should be, but I’m not.” Her cheeks burned as she said, “I think the fact that I’ve been having dirty dreams about Brant for three months has got me chomping at the bit.”
“Let’s hope he has more than a bit,” Deirdra said, making them both laugh.
“He does,” Cait said. “A lot more. He was wearing sweatpants this morning, and . . .” She mouthed, Wow.
They all laughed.
“We should let you get back to work, Dee. Thanks for taking the time to talk with me. I feel so much better having told you guys the truth,” Cait said, feeling even more thankful for her sisters.
Abby pulled her into a hug. “We love you.”
Cait held her a little tighter, wishing she could say those three words back. But she was still wrapping her head around being loved so quickly and easily. She loved them, but the words didn’t come as freely for her as they did for her sisters.
“Sending you both virtual hugs,” Deirdra said.
Now, that was more Cait’s speed. “I’m lucky to have you guys in my life. I’ve never had anyone I could talk to like this before.”
“What about Tank? You guys are close,” Abby asked.
“Tank knows about my past, but I meant talking about Brant.”
“I’m impressed that Tank had Brant checked out,” Deirdra said. “If he wasn’t with Leah, I might have gone over and checked him out for myself.”
Abby snort-laughed. “You barely make time for anything outside of work, and you only date clean-cut guys who have ten-year goals and 401K plans.”
“On that note, I need to run,” Deirdra said. “Cait, call or text if you need anything, and I think you should enjoy naked pizza with Brant. Abby, give Aiden a smooch on his handsome face for me. I love you guys.”
“Love you, too,” Abby said.
Cait ended the call and drew in a deep breath.
Abby looked at her thoughtfully. “I was hoping your life had been easier than ours, not harder.”
“I wish it were. I’m just glad I didn’t change my last name for good, or Shelley might never have found me.”
Abby finished her Danish and pushed to her feet. “I should go get ready for work. Do you want me to share this with Aiden, or would you rather I didn’t?”
“You can tell him. He’s going to be your husband. I don’t want you to have to keep secrets from him. Besides, I think it’s about time I try to figure out how to separate my fears about my past so I can start fully living my present, and as Dee said, that starts with learning not to hide it.”
“Okay. I’m really proud of you. I know this wasn’t easy, and I know everyone is in your face, but I’m going to hug you again.” Abby embraced her. “I’m glad you opened up to us. That’s what family is for.”
Family. That word had brought such bad feelings for so many years, Cait had thought the Wickeds were unique in the way they’d welcomed her into their lives. But her sisters, Brant, and the other friends she’d made on Silver Island were showing her just how wrong she was.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SCRAPPY SCAMPERED HAPPILY beside Brant as they followed the sound of guitar music and the din of diners toward the entrance of the Bistro Thursday evening to pick up Cait for their swimming date. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. He wanted to take away her past and give her a clean slate, to make up for all the shit she’d gone through and the fun she’d missed out on as much as he wanted to take her in his arms and protect her from everything bad in the world.
A gentle breeze swept up the beach as they stepped onto the patio. Nearly every table was taken, and a group of young couples chatted around the conversation pit, while Jagger Jones played his guitar from a stool at the far end of the patio. His dalmatian, Dolly, lay sleeping at his feet. Brant peered into the restaurant and saw Cait, gorgeous as ever in black jeans and a white tank top with the Bistro logo she’d designed emblazoned across her chest. She was talking with a family as she seated them, smiling like she hadn’t a care in the world. He’d known she was strong, but strong wasn’t a big enough word for the incredible woman who lived with so much hurt and fear so deeply ingrained. It was no wonder she was relaxed and chatty with customers—and Davis Barrington—while it had taken her some time to get that comfortable with their friends. Talking with customers and guys like Davis wasn’t threatening to her in the way that being peppered with personal questions by people who wanted to get to know her better was.