“Was he upset over the divorce?”
“I think it was more of a minor inconvenience to him, but thankfully she handled everything, so he didn’t have to leave the office.”
Even Bullard winced at that. “That must have made it even more difficult for you.”
“Well, it certainly gave me a disassociated feeling about the whole thing. The fact that she remarried within weeks of the divorce being finalized said a lot about where she was at.”
“So she was already moving on,” Dave said. “We’ve seen that happen time and time again.”
“Exactly, and it left me in a weird place,” she said. “I wasn’t finished with my education, but I was doing as much as I could in practicums soon afterward. I did volunteer work constantly, overseas and at home, spending every waking hour in an operating room, or outside the OR, prepping people to go in.”
“Your life must have been very difficult when she walked away.”
“It was chaotic at first,” she said, “but also relief in a sense because I knew I was such a disappointment to her.”
“You shouldn’t have let your self-confidence be shaken that way,” Dave scolded.
“It wasn’t a lack of faith in my skills. It was like Bullard said,” she stated, with half a smile, “it was my confidence in the people around me that was shaken. In many ways I had been like my father, very narrow-minded, controlled, and centered on only what I was doing with my hands. I wasn’t so worried about the people around me, about maintaining relationships with coworkers and things like that. Maybe I was as difficult as my father was. I don’t know. My hospital demise came so quickly, I didn’t really get a chance to sort it all out.”
“I’m sorry,” Dave said.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, staring off in the distance. “It’s easy to look back in hindsight and realize that I was probably not terribly nice to be around. I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I didn’t see what was coming at me, so I was blindsided by it all. That made it very difficult.”
“Of course. Do you mind if I make a few more inquiries?”
She looked at Dave in surprise. “About what?” she asked. “I’m a nobody. Nonexistent. I don’t even live in the world anymore.”
“Great, then you won’t have a problem with me making those inquiries,” he said.
Just the thought made her stomach heave a little bit, but she studied him for a long moment, then acquiesced. “I guess it won’t hurt. But don’t expect to find anything.”
“No,” he said, “not at all.”
She looked at him, frowned, and said, “You said that a little too fast.”
At that, he gently said, “Don’t worry about it.”
She shook her head. “That’s not likely to happen either,” she said, smiling.
“You never know,” he said. “Life can be difficult for many people. But that doesn’t mean that it’ll be the end. What it can show you is a whole new way to live.”
“And I found that right here,” she said gently. “Remember?”
“You’re existing,” he said, shaking his head, “but you’re not thriving.”
“You’re not a shrink,” she said, “and I’ve spent a lot of time in introspection, finally getting to the point where I could live quite happily like this, and I don’t need anybody to tell me that I can’t.”
“Of course not,” Dave said, “that would be like waving a red flag at a bull. In many ways you’re like Bullard here.”
She frowned at that, but Bullard was grinning broadly. “You seem to think that’s a compliment,” she said, puzzled.
“Having a group around me has given me ample opportunity to see my good side and my bad side,” he said. “And they aren’t always that easy to contemplate. I want you to come back with me,” he said.
She shrugged. The one thing she didn’t want was to have him do something like that out of guilt. She wanted so much more and didn’t know how to say it. She wasn’t even sure they had anything real here to build on. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she finally said.
“So you’ve said before,” he said. “I suggest we ignore the shoulds or the saids or the woulds and just go ahead and do it.”
“That’s because you’re like a bull in a china shop,” she said, “and you have this thing about getting what you want, without considering anyone else.”
He looked at her and started to laugh. “I haven’t even been conscious all that long,” he said, “at least not with my brain intact, and look at how well you know me.”
“You’re just cheeky,” she murmured. Then she turned and headed to her cabin. “You guys have a lot to talk about. I’ll give you some privacy to do that.”
“Pack,” he instructed.
“Nope, not likely,” she said, without even turning around. Then she disappeared into her cabin. As soon as she was alone, she sat down on the corner of her bed and pressed her hands against her eyes, willing the tears to stay back. It was one thing to live here with him. It was another thing entirely to leave this idyllic hideaway for something unknown and potentially very painful. As she sat here quietly, she heard an odd noise. Turning around, she saw a stranger at her door.
She stood, looked at him, and asked, “What can I do for you? Who are you?”
He didn’t look like any islander she knew, and he wasn’t dressed like it. He was dressed like a foreigner. Like Dave. But the look on his face was nowhere near as happy or as kind. He smiled an overly familiar smile that made her almost freeze inside, and she wondered if she knew him, but she couldn’t place his face. It was like a fractured version of some other face. Then she noted the scars all over his features.
“Are you okay?” she asked, stepping closer.
He looked at her in surprise, then lifted a hand to his face. “Yes, I’m fine,” he said, “but thank you for noticing.”
She shook her head. “Why are you here?”
“I came to see you,” he said, but nothing terribly awe-inspiring was about that voice.
“Why?”
“You have something of mine,” he said quietly. She looked at him in surprise and then looked around. “I don’t have anything at all.”
“No, you just didn’t know that what you had was so important,” he said, “but now that I’ve found it, I do feel compelled to make a few changes.”
Feeling like he was talking in some weird crypto-language, she stared at him for a moment, feeling her instincts kick in. She was a bit slow after the emotional set-to with Bullard yet soon realized that not only was this guy here for her but he wasn’t here for any good reason at all.
“I think you need to leave,” she said harshly. “I don’t know who or what you think you’re after, but you’re not welcome here.”
“Ah,” he said, “you’re finally clued in, aren’t you?”
She shook her head. “No, I don’t have a clue what you’re doing,” she said, “or why you’re even here, but there’s nothing about you that makes me feel safe.”