Almost in a wild desperation, Simon began checking the Ironheart bodies, occasionally using the sword to roll someone over. He was searching for a specific person.
His sister was an Ironheart.
Joth jumped down and offered me a hand for support. “Come with me, Kestra. Our business is finished here.”
I ignored his offer, instead looking around the area for anyone who might have been Simon’s sister, desperately hoping with every good part of myself that I would not see Rosaleen here. Meanwhile, Simon’s words echoed in my ears.
What have you done?
“Why did you do that?” Gabe called, running to Simon’s side. “They were on their knees. They had surrendered!”
Joth pointed toward those who had fallen. “They attacked us! Had the battle gone differently, they would not have accepted our surrender! The Dominion would have done the same to us!”
“But you’re not like the Dominion,” Gabe countered. “Or are you now?”
“We are the only ones fighting the Dominion,” Joth said. “You Coracks dance around them, poking at their feet with pinpricks and moaning about why the problem continues. It’s about time someone hit them hard enough that Endrick would feel it.”
“If they had been attacking you, I’d agree. But these soldiers threw down their weapons. At that point, they were no longer your enemies.” Gabe turned his focus on me, and I felt its bite. “This was murder, Kestra.”
His words stung, and deep inside, I knew he was right. Joth held up a hand for me again, and this time, I took it as he lowered me to the ground. But as soon as I was there, I started toward Simon.
“I didn’t see her.” Simon didn’t acknowledge me at first, so I said it again, adding, “I don’t think Rosaleen was here.”
He barely glanced up at me, and even when he did, his expression was so harsh it frightened me, a fear immediately swallowed up by the core of ice within me. It whispered, His sister would have killed you too.
I put my hand over my mouth, fighting against those horrible words, against the decay inside that was beginning to suffocate me.
“It isn’t safe to remain here.” Joth put his arm around my shoulder and turned me away from them. I let him walk me out of the square, my thoughts consumed with what Gabe had said, my heart frozen with the pain and anger in Simon’s expression. I hated to imagine what he was thinking.
“We did the right thing,” Joth said as we walked.
“No, that wasn’t right. They were surrendering, and you just killed them all!”
“We share magic now.” Joth stopped and took my hands in his. “Whatever happened back there, we did it together.” I started to pull away, but I realized tendrils of his magic had begun to weave themselves around my pain, insulating it, dissolving it until nothing was left but the magic itself. He gave to me until I could breathe again, until the worst of my guilt and horror had subsided, leaving behind the strength that had come from the fallen Ironhearts.
“Do you feel better?”
The truth was that I didn’t feel anything, or if I did, I couldn’t define it, or connect it to anything happening around me. Searching within myself, I discovered one emotion only.
I turned to Joth. “I feel … powerful.”
“Then we should strike soon,” Joth said. “But this time, against Lord Endrick. And when he goes to his knees, begging for mercy—”
“I will kill him,” I said.
Joth took my hand and kissed it. I knew he was warm but was surprised at the heat of his touch. Before we walked away, I turned to see Simon and Gabe still searching among the bodies. I desperately hoped Rosaleen wasn’t there.
Or maybe they hadn’t found her yet. I couldn’t bear it if they did.
Slowly, I began to absorb the feelings, and as they became ice, once again the corruption was fed.
“You’ve become so strong,” Joth said.
His words rang hollow, because they were not true. The corruption was strong—I wasn’t—and too often it was in control. I was merely its host, a girl who could never admit aloud that she was terrified of what it meant for her.
After a careful search of all the bodies, I finally took my first complete breath. Rosaleen was not here.
“But she might have been, and wherever she is, she might be next.” Gabe waited until he had my attention to be sure I heard him. “Surely you see it now, what Kestra’s become.”
“Yes, I see it.” My teeth gritted together.
“Which means you know what we have to do. Now will you—”
“Enough!” Hardly an hour had passed in days when someone wasn’t reminding me how dangerous Kestra had become, or when Kestra herself wasn’t proving them right. I understood the problem. I just couldn’t make myself agree to the solution.
We returned to Woodcourt, where Trina was waiting for us and Basil was resting in a chair with a blanket wrapped tight around him. I passed them by, letting Gabe do the explanations, which he obliged with every possible detail. I had hoped to get some sleep, but my eyes never stayed closed more than ten minutes at a time before I awoke with thoughts of Kestra and the battles that were looming before her. Certainly, the time was coming near when she would have to face Lord Endrick again, though I expected the other battle, the one within, would be far more difficult. It would delve into the very core of who she was now. I truly didn’t know if she would fight that battle, or if she could.
When I came downstairs the next morning, a hot meal of eggs and fry cakes was waiting for me in the dining room. Trina and Basil were already eating, with Gabe placing another plate of eggs on the table.
“Hungry?” he asked.
I wasn’t at all hungry, but I dished up some food anyway and sat across from Trina and Basil. Gabe sat beside me.
“How are you?” I asked Basil. “You look better every time I see you.”
“I owe that to the care I’m getting,” he replied with a sideways glance at Trina.
I poked at my food, trying to be interested. “Tenger is still talking with the Brill?”
Basil nodded, then added, “He’s also keeping watch for any of my people, if they come in time. Gabe believes Kestra will attack the palace sooner rather than later.”
“Agreed. And the Halderians … my people will come as well.” I still stumbled over identifying them as mine, but I had to speak of them that way, or else how would I ever think of them that way?
“These fry cakes are the best I’ve ever had, honestly. But of course, I made them, so what else should I have expected?” Gabe took another bite while Basil and Trina chuckled at his joke; then more seriously, he said, “How long do you think it’ll be before Harlyn returns?”
“You think about her more than I do,” I replied. “If you’re interested—”
“Trust me, Hatch. If I thought I could get her attention, I would gladly save her from a life with you.”
I stared at him until we all broke into laughter. I didn’t know why. He was perfectly correct that Harlyn would be better off away from me. Yet it felt good to smile. It had been so long since I’d had any reason for it.
My mind shifted back to months ago, before Loelle took Kestra away from Nessel. Kestra and I had met in a small alcove, just the two of us. I had smiled then, and meant it.