Harlyn seemed to sense my frustration. She waited as I looked from one direction to the other, as if simply staring would make the decision easier.
“If you wish to go after her, I’ll come too. Or I’ll stay the course with you for Basil’s rescue. Whichever you prefer.”
I pushed my fingers through my hair, my mind at war with itself. What was the point of rescuing Basil if Kestra was lost? The reverse was true too. Only Basil could lead us to the Olden Blade. Only Kestra could use it.
Nor was it only my thoughts that were stirring. I loved Kestra, or I had loved her, not so long ago. But if I found her again, she would be different now.
And then there was Harlyn, who should be a perfect match for me, who would solidify my claim to the Halderian throne, who was in every way the logical choice.
The hostler who had been caring for our horses walked them over to us. After a quick inspection of his work, Harlyn said, “We’ll ride to the forest, and—”
“All Spirits Forest?” The hostler cleared his throat, then added, “I don’t know what business the two of you might have anywhere near that place, but you don’t want to go there now.”
“Why not?” I asked.
He stepped closer and lowered his voice to speak. “Earlier today, I changed horses for some travelers who passed near the forest last night, planning to camp near Limsriver, as many travelers do.”
“And?”
“They ended up riding through the night and told me they were lucky to escape with their lives.” He looked around before continuing. “They believe the curse is lifting in the woods. Many of the trees have come alive again, birds were flying in and out, and it was snowing. That hasn’t happened in a generation.”
Harlyn looked at me with wide and curious eyes. That was a confirmation of where we could find Kestra, though I couldn’t understand why she would help Loelle … unless Loelle was somehow helping Kestra. Was that possible?
“We have to go there,” I said, and Harlyn nodded her agreement.
“Didn’t you hear me before?” the hostler said. “Those travelers barely got away. Dominion soldiers have surrounded the woods. People around these parts believe that when the curse fades, the barrier will fade too. If that’s true, then you can bet they’ll go in and destroy the place for good. Get anywhere near the forest, and someone will find you.”
My heart sank, something Harlyn acknowledged with a comforting hand on my arm.
“Did the travelers see any way into the forest?” she asked.
The man snorted. “In? You’d be insane to ever cross into the forest, but certainly not while it’s returning to what it was. And no, from what they said, I’d guess the bulk of our good king’s army is positioned there. Even if I were the king’s closest friend, I still wouldn’t trust my life to getting near that place.”
We thanked the man, then rode off to the nearest bend to privately discuss our decision.
My eyes drifted westward, but this time Harlyn said, “If I thought there were any chance of us getting past those soldiers …”
Her voice trailed off, and I turned to her, keeping a thin hold on my patience. “Then what? What would you do if you thought we could get past the soldiers—”
“I’d suggest that we go.”
“Why? To protect Kestra, because she’s the Infidante? Or to protect me from Kestra?”
Harlyn glanced down, lightly combing her fingers through her horse’s mane. “I’ve seen Kestra in battle. If those soldiers confront her, we both know she’s entirely capable of taking care of herself.” Now she looked up at me. “I know that you used to love her. I know that when she left Nessel a month ago, she either broke your heart or carried it away with her. But I also know, and you do too, that the magic inside her is a poison, and sooner or later, she will use it against you, and probably against all of our people. Yes, Simon, if you go after Kestra, then I am coming with you, to protect you and all Halderians from her.”
She waited for me to reply, but I had nothing to say. Much as I wished otherwise, everything she said was true. I gripped the reins of my horse and turned it northward. I nodded at Harlyn, and together, we set out for the capital, to rescue Basil. If we succeeded, he would give us the location of a dagger that Captain Tenger would refuse to hand over to a corrupted Infidante. I knew that too.
After Basil’s rescue, Tenger’s next order would be Kestra’s death.
With little protest, I had followed Joth and Loelle into his home, determined to take control of my life again. So I’d said all the right things, praised Loelle as a blessing to her people, even as she’d brought a curse to me. And I’d done my best to pretend that I was settled with the idea of remaining in All Spirits Forest for as long as I was needed here, but in fact, the very opposite was true.
All night, my mind had been churning with the things that Joth had said while we were outside. The wider scope of Loelle’s plan was becoming clear; the purpose of her plan was not.
As Loelle wanted, I was healing the forest. Every day pulling more of Endrick’s curse into my body. His corruption.
This corruption was the reason I didn’t feel the ice outside; because the ice was inside me now. This was that cold, hard center that had formed like a pit in my heart and had begun to spread.
I should have felt frightened by it, should have already asked Loelle for a way to purge it from myself, but I didn’t.
Because now that I knew what this was, I could understand it. Corruption wasn’t what anyone had thought.
It didn’t weaken or destroy; rather, it fed on weakness to make itself stronger and thus I became stronger too. Corruption was only a powerful magic evolving within a weaker host, binding the one to the other, creating something more perfect than either was alone. I could withstand the ice because I was the ice; I could pass through the storm because more and more, I was the storm.
Simon would disagree, but he was wrong. He was wrong about nearly everything, I realized that now, including when he had said that he loved me. Maybe he loved the Kestra Dallisor he had captured once, the girl he had forced into betrayal of her family and her king. Maybe he even loved that girl when she had become the Infidante, bound to kill Lord Endrick.
But whoever I was now, whatever I had become since I had last seen Simon, I was no longer that girl. No longer … me.
I didn’t know who I was now, honestly.
A healer, perhaps. And a destroyer. They were one and the same. With magic, I could give strength by destroying it elsewhere, or take strength for myself, destroying its source. I could not give without taking, and I needed to give.
Increasingly, I wanted to take.
My life did not belong to Loelle; I was no tool for her and Joth to use in order to accomplish their goals. I had to watch out for myself because no one else would.
And with that thought, the cold within me spread, assuring me I had made the only decision I could. As soon as possible, I would find the Olden Blade; then Lord Endrick and I would meet again. This time, I would destroy his curse from within its well. Destroy him.
“Kestra, what are you doing? You’re bleeding!”
I looked down and realized that, without thinking, I had grabbed Loelle’s knife from off the nearby table and was holding it by the blade. I set it down as Loelle rushed to my side and began to wrap my hand with a rag that had also been left on the table.