Feeling relieved, Cassidy nodded. “I don’t remember you as being selfish,” she told him. “I remember at your graduation, you bought flowers for both the valedictorian and salutatorian.”
He shrugged. “I was proud of them. They worked hard, a lot harder than I did, and deserved to beat me out for those honors.”
Cassidy recalled that he’d been third in his high school class. She added smart to the list of things about him that impressed her.
“I remember you having a hell of a temper. You never hesitated to stand up to bullies. Remember that time you chewed out the quarterback for making a joke about one of the girls in the band?”
“Yeah, he was an asshole,” Cassidy said. “Making fun of her for being overweight was a dick move, and I didn’t want him to get away with it.”
“So . . . ,” Leo began when she didn’t continue. “Your ex? What happened there?”
Cassidy sighed. Leo was driving through the Kingston traffic confidently, as if he drove on the opposite side of the road all the time. He wove in and out of the lanes between cars with only inches to spare. She decided that her nerves were better off if she didn’t watch where he was going. She turned her attention to Leo. “Alfred was older than me, and he loved to get on me about my temper. Said it wasn’t becoming. He said it embarrassed him. And I didn’t want to do that. So I reined it in. When I saw something that disturbed me, I did my best to ignore it.
“I’m ashamed of that, because there were many times I should’ve stepped up and intervened when I saw someone being publicly shamed. People making comments about overweight people using the electric carts at the store, laughing when someone short couldn’t reach something on a shelf. Making derogatory comments about gay and lesbian couples holding hands. Things like that. I guess I just buried it. And by the time I realized that suppressing those feelings had changed me into a person I didn’t really like, it was too late. Alfred had me under his thumb. Then I had Mario, and I concentrated on being the best mother I could be, and blocked out everything and everyone else.
“He’d tell anyone who would listen how he wasn’t racist. How he employed several undocumented men. He bragged that they worked twice as hard as his other employees. He even used me as an example of how ‘color blind’ he was. After all, he’d married a Hispanic chick, so that had to mean he was a paragon of virtue, right?” Cassidy rolled her eyes. “The truth of the matter was that he hated my heritage. Didn’t want anything to do with my family’s traditions and refused to let Mario participate in anything ‘ethnic’ that my family might want to do with him. And he treated those undocumented employees like shit. He threatened to turn them in to the authorities if they didn’t work harder, faster, or longer hours than everyone else. And he paid them way less too. I’m ashamed I stayed with him as long as I did.”
Cassidy’s eyes filled with tears as she thought back to the life she used to lead in El Paso. “I hid most of what was going on from my parents. Put up with his shit because it was what was expected of me. But when he turned on Mario, I was done.”
“What’d he do?” Leo asked.
Cassidy took comfort in the anger she heard in his voice. It was obvious it wasn’t directed at her. “Alfred had enrolled Mario in a flag football league for little kids. He was only four, and he hated it. I promised I’d buy him a doll if he at least tried. I didn’t tell Alfred about it, but he saw Mario playing with the Barbie one afternoon when he came home early from work and told his son that he was an embarrassment. That playing with dolls was for girls. He yelled at Mario for twenty minutes straight, telling him he needed to man up and quit being such a sissy. That was it for me. I could take him emotionally abusing me, but not Mario.
“I went the next day and filed for divorce. I lived with my folks for a while, but I could tell they were disappointed my marriage had ended. I also hated running into acquaintances around town who looked at me with such disdain. My so-called friends sided with Alfred. So I left El Paso. I wanted to start over. But I’m obviously an idiot, because look at me now.”
“You’re not an idiot,” Leo said. “I’m proud of you.”
Cassidy scoffed. “Proud of me? Leo, I stayed with a man who abused me—and my son as well. Which not only makes me an idiot—it makes me a horrible mother.”
“Wrong. You were doing the best you could in a shitty circumstance. It’s not a crime to do what you can to make your marriage work. Alfred was the idiot in that situation. One, for being small minded and bigoted, and two, for not seeing the amazing woman he had at his side. If you were mine, I’d bend over backward to make sure you were not only happy, but thriving. I’d honor your heritage, our heritage, and do whatever it took to make sure Mario felt safe to be exactly who he is.”
Cassidy bit her lip, then blurted, “I think he’s gay.”
“Mario?”
She nodded.
“So?” Leo asked. “You ashamed of that?”
“No!” Cassidy declared loudly. “But I also didn’t want that for him.”
“You’re going to have to explain that better,” Leo said after a long silence.
Cassidy couldn’t deny that hearing how irritated Leo sounded was actually a relief. He was offended on Mario’s behalf. She fell a little bit in love with him at that moment. It had been a long time since someone had championed her son, and it felt really good.
“I don’t know that he’s gay,” she said. “He’s only eleven. He hasn’t shown any interest in girls or boys yet, but it’s not hard to guess. He liked to play with my makeup when we lived in Texas. He’s drawn to sparkly and flashy things. Doesn’t care in the least about sports or trucks, or anything little boys are supposed to find fun. He hates being dirty, and bubble baths are one of his favorite things. When the Summer Olympics were on last time, I had a hard time prying him away from the gymnastics events. He loves dancing more than anything in the world. I wish I could get him into a program—he’d be in his element.”
“And you don’t want that for him?” Leo prompted.
“Not for the reasons you might think,” Cassidy admitted. “I don’t care who he loves. I don’t care if he’s gay, bisexual, in a polyamorous relationship, if he’s asexual, or if he wants to live on a commune in a nudist colony. I just hate that his life is going to be more difficult because of his sexual orientation.”
The harsh look on Leo’s face relaxed a bit.
Cassidy went on. “I love Mario. He’s literally the best thing I’ve ever done. But after such a hard start to his life, I want nothing but good things for him. And being gay is hard. Not as difficult as it used to be, but it’s not a walk in the park either. I love him regardless, though, and I want him to be happy.”
“I think with a mother like you in his corner, who supports him no matter who he chooses to be with, he’s gonna flourish.”
Cassidy swallowed hard. “You don’t . . . think less of him?”
“Because he might be gay? Fuck no,” Leo assured her. “I admit that twenty years ago, I wasn’t as open minded as I am now. But I’ve seen a lot of bad shit in my lifetime. And someone loving a person of the same gender isn’t something I even think about anymore. What do I care? It doesn’t affect me, and as far as I’m concerned, more love in this world is never a bad thing. What I do care about is people who beat up on their spouse, no matter what their gender. About someone imprisoning others just because he can. Selling women and children for sex. Killing people for the fun of it. There are so many more things to worry about in today’s society than what others do in their bedroom. If Mario wants to dance, or flip himself around in a gymnastics gym, good for him.”