“I have memories of him yelling a lot,” Mario said.
Cassidy hated that, but nodded. “Neither of us were very happy,” she said diplomatically. “But just because we weren’t in love doesn’t mean I’m not sad about his death. No one deserves what happened to him.”
Mario thought about that for a moment and nodded. Then he said, “Leo doesn’t yell at us. And he never looks at me as if he’s disappointed. When I wanted to paint my room pink, he didn’t even blink. And he doesn’t care that I don’t want to play football. He already said he couldn’t wait for my first cheer performance, that he wouldn’t miss it for the world. I also remember Dad yelling at me for playing with the doll you got me instead of the soccer ball he thought I should be kicking around.”
As pleased as she was about Mario’s feelings toward Leo, she was just as sad that he even remembered the doll incident from all those years ago. It had been just one of a hundred reasons why Cassidy had left Alfred. Taking a deep breath, she got back to her story. “I swear, when I went to Jamaica with you, I had no idea we wouldn’t be able to leave. Michael took our passports. Trapping us there. I went along with our situation for way too long simply because I had no idea how to change it. When you were younger, things weren’t as bad. We kept to ourselves, I taught you and the other kids, and that was that.”
“But then things changed,” Mario said.
“Yeah, they did. I’d done what I swore I would never do—put you in danger. So I secretly sent letters to the FBI here in the States and begged them to help us. I didn’t know if anyone would even get the letters, but it was the best I could do at the time.”
“And Leo came,” Mario said.
“He did,” Cassidy agreed. “I would’ve been happy to see anyone, but I knew Leo from when we were in high school. He got us out, and I thought it was our second chance. I mentally renewed my vow to put your well-being first. I’d cheated you out of a lot of your childhood just because I was uncomfortable in El Paso. That wasn’t going to happen again.
“Things were going well. You were happy. I was happy. Leo and I were officially together, and I thought things were finally going our way. But that day . . . the day I locked you in the safe room . . . your grandmother called. I’d learned that Lloyd had killed your father, and that it was likely he knew where we were. I didn’t have time to even think about what to do before Lloyd and Martin broke through the fence.
“I was terrified, Mario. They were there, and the only thing I could think about was making sure you were safe. That they couldn’t get to you and force you into selling drugs for them again. I was sure once they had me, they’d leave you alone. I locked you in that room to protect you . . . and if I had to make the decision again, I’d do the same thing. I wasn’t able to keep you safe in the past, but I would do whatever it took to keep Lloyd from ever touching you again.”
Cassidy was crying, but she didn’t look away from Mario’s face.
“I love you, son. I’m sorry you were scared, but sacrificing myself was the only way I knew to keep you safe. I never would’ve done something like that if we were still in Jamaica, because we were all we had, and it would’ve left you alone. But here? If something happened to me, I knew Leo would take care of you. So would the others. We’re no longer alone—we’ve got friends, good friends, who won’t hesitate to step up to the plate if necessary.”
Mario was crying now too. “But, Mama, I don’t ever want to live without you!”
Cassidy reached for her son, and he came into her arms willingly. The sullen, moody preteen was nowhere to be seen. This was her vulnerable baby. The boy she’d rocked to sleep more nights than she could count. “I know, but protecting their children is what mamas do. I didn’t do that in the past and hated myself for it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I brought such evil into our lives. I’m sorry that I scared you. I’m sorry that I’ve been a bad mother, but I promise things will be different from here on out.”
“You aren’t a bad mama,” Mario told her, his voice muffled because his face was buried in her chest. “You’re the best mama in the world. I was mad because you abandoned me. You left me.”
“I left you with people who I knew would protect you with their lives,” Cassidy countered. “And . . . I had to protect little Kevin too. And Molly’s unborn baby. What do you think Lloyd would’ve done to them if he’d gotten his hands on them?”
She felt more than saw Mario scrunch up his face in response.
Cassidy pulled back and framed Mario’s face with her hands. “I love you, son. No matter what. You’ll make bad decisions in your life, and I’ll love you anyway. You’ll make mistakes, and I’ll still love you. You might fail a test, or yell at me, or disobey me. But no matter what, my love for you is absolute. No matter where you go or what you do, your mama will always love you. Understand?”
Mario nodded.
Cassidy couldn’t deny that she felt so much better now that she’d talked with Mario about everything. He still would probably have questions, and she knew his hurt feelings wouldn’t go away in the blink of an eye, but she hoped he felt better about what had happened.
“Mama?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Are you gonna marry Leo?”
Just hearing those words made Cassidy’s heart beat faster. “I don’t know. I hope so. I love him. But I can’t see the future. If I could, I never would’ve taken us to Jamaica.”
Mario smiled a bit at that, then he got serious again. “Will you change your name if you do marry Leo?”
“Probably.” She would totally change her name. She’d dreamed about being Cassidy Zanardi since she was fifteen years old. After her divorce, she’d taken her maiden name back, but she’d go through the headache of switching all her legal documents for a third time if she and Leo ever got married. “Why are you asking? What’s brought this on?”
“Do you think Leo would mind if I changed my last name too?” Mario asked, wrinkling his brow in concern.
Cassidy’s heart beat uncontrollably. She wanted to sob.
“I just . . . I love him. And he said he loves me. I think I’d rather be Mario Zanardi than Mario Pepper. I’m sorry my real dad was killed, but I didn’t know him that well, and he never even tried to come see us when we left, or when we came back. And he was mean to us. I’d rather have Leo’s name.”
“I think Leo would be honored if you wanted to change your name,” she told her son honestly. “But . . . I don’t know if we’ll get married. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out for one reason or another,” she warned.
Mario shrugged and snuggled back into her. “This one will,” he said with confidence. “I know it.”
Cassidy couldn’t help but smile. “I hope so,” she whispered. Though deep down, she knew it would too. She couldn’t feel the kind of connection she felt with Leo and not have it work out. If Leo wanted to marry her tomorrow, she’d say yes. She knew that wouldn’t happen, that all three of them needed some time to get used to being a family, but she couldn’t help thinking about the kind of wedding she wanted. Something small and intimate. With the people she cared about most in the world.