The argument was sound, but Evie was too enraged to care. “Of course, I would tell them,” she shouted. “But I would tell them, not conduct a farce and arrange it all for everyone. You gave us stage directions and decided the outcome beforehand, blast you.”
“Because if I hadn’t, Atherton wouldn’t have admitted it.” Jamie’s shout matched hers. “Even if I’d told you, showed you the evidence, you might not have believed me. Atherton could have convinced you I was duping you for some reason of my own, and you’d have believed him.”
“I wonder why that would be?” Evie widened her eyes. “Oh, yes, because you keep kissing me, and telling me things you can’t possibly feel. I’d have agreed with him that you’d have done anything to break us up.”
“Things I can’t possibly feel?” Jamie was right in front of her now, his strong body obstructing her senses. “You mean me telling you I loved you? I can’t feel that, can I?”
“You flit around the world without a care,” Evie argued, trying to keep her thoughts coherent. “Rescuing people and flying in machines, having perfectly good adventures on your own. Why should you suddenly run into me again and decide you’re in love? We hadn’t spoken in years.”
“You ran into me.” Jamie poked a finger to his chest. “No, I didn’t suddenly decide when you banged into me on the dock. I thought you were the nuisance you always were, only this time without an oar. But watching you, talking with you, stealing a bloody jar with you, I learned about you, understood you, wanted to know you even better.” Jamie’s volume increased as the words tumbled out. “And I don’t want you marrying a man who will hurt you, and hurt you. Don’t want to watch you fade through the years as he drains your happiness, your spirit, your life.”
Evie swallowed, not liking how much his voice wrapped around her heart. “Hayden wouldn’t have hurt me. Not like that. He never could have hurt me.”
Jamie’s brows drew down, his voice quieting abruptly. “What do you mean by that?”
She’d said too much. “Nothing. I’m just … flustered.”
“No, you said that with conviction. Atherton could never have hurt you, why? Because you’re not in love with him?”
Evie took a step back. “Again, we are straying into territory that is none of your business.”
“You give me hope.” Jamie’s mouth curved into a feral smile. “You don’t love the bastard. That is excellent news. But why would you marry the sod if you didn’t love him? For his money? Oh, please, don’t tell me you’re that mercenary, lass.”
“No, of course not,” Evie returned angrily. “Women must marry, do you not know? Or be pitied as a poor relation.”
“Which you would not be. Your family is very fond of you. What is the real reason?” Jamie cupped her chin. “Tell me, or I will kiss you silly.”
Not much of a threat. Evie drew close to him again as his hand warmed her, the need for his mouth on hers intense.
She could stop this right now, with the truth.
“Very well.” Evie forced herself to step away, trying not to feel empty when his touch was gone. “I will tell you. Not many know this—my mother, but even she didn’t understand fully.” She drew a breath. “I was engaged before. Or, nearly. I met a man after I finished university. We had agreed to marry, were very happy. Then he died.” She broke off. The immediate anguish had faded but the ache was still there. “I only had three months with him.”
“Evie.” Jamie’s voice softened, compassion filling it. “Love. I’m so sorry.”
“He had a defect in his heart, apparently.” Evie was surprised she could speak of it so steadily. “No one knew, not even he. The doctors didn’t realize until … after.”
“Love.” The word overflowed with sympathy.
Jamie’s strong hand rested on her arm and he towed Evie to a sofa, pulling her down to it with him. He gathered her to him, no longer arguing or making declarations, simply holding her.
Evie couldn’t cry. She’d long ago used up the tears that had torn at her young heart. Ethan had been twenty-one, and she had been nearly that.
“We were walking.” Evie had never confessed exactly what had happened to anyone, except a cursory explanation to their parents and the doctor. Now she found herself resting her head on Jamie’s strong shoulder, telling him everything. “He just fell, folded up on himself. It was so quick. I tried to stand him up, but he could barely move. I ran for help, and by the time I got back, he was breathing his last. I held him as he died.”
“Lass.” Jamie kissed her hair, then rested his cheek on her head, his warmth a comfort.
“He’d never actually asked me to marry him. We just decided between ourselves that we wanted that. We were going to tell everyone at the end of that summer, make it official.” Tears should have spilled then, but Evie’s eyes were dry and tight.
“What was his name?” The question was gentle, not prying.
“Ethan Stanfield. His family was from the Cotswolds. I met him in London when my parents and I journeyed from Cambridge at the end of my last year. A shopping trip. It was a chance encounter, at a bookshop. We both reached for the same copy of an adventure novel.”
They’d discovered shared taste in reading, in music, in almost everything. It had been a magical time, three short months, that had ended while their love was blooming.
Evie fell silent, wondering when the acute pain had turned to dullness, and how Jamie had made the words flow from her when they never had before.
He asked no questions. Evie heard his heart beating beneath his coat, felt the solidness of him beside her.
They sat thus for a long time, while the immense house remained quiet, as though giving her this time to work through the unsettled tangle of her emotions.
“That is why you wanted to marry Atherton,” Jamie said. “Because you never wanted to feel like that again.”
Evie nodded into his chest. She should be surprised he understood, but she somehow was not. “Hayden was friendly, never mean or callous. It would be easy to marry him, and try to forget.”
“I wish I’d known.” Jamie’s voice had gone soft, just above a whisper. “I’m so sorry, love. You were right to want to punch me in the nose.”
“It doesn’t mean I’m happy Hayden kept a secret mistress.” Evie raised her head. “The fool. Do you think he loves her?”
Jamie’s blue eyes were in shadow as he gazed down at her. “I met the lady only briefly, but yes, I think so. They rub along very well.”
“Why doesn’t he marry her, then?” Evie pounded one fist into the giving sofa. “I know why—his father. If Hayden had any backbone, he’d marry her anyway and defy the man. But he never will.” She sighed. “I will not punch you. I should thank you for saving me from a horrible father-in-law.”
“I’m not sorry I told you,” Jamie said. “You deserved to know. But I should have found a better way. You are right to be angry at me. I’m so used to solving everyone’s problems that I thought you’d want me to solve yours.”