“I suppose. I need proof that what happened is in my past. That Christmas isn’t a ruined holiday for me and I can look forward to good ones again going forward.”
“In reality though, you know that one bad Christmas doesn’t make them all bad, just like a broken-down car doesn’t neutralize an evening with good company and a blistering array of Christmas puns.”
I narrowed my eyes and tried not to smile. I knew he secretly loved my puns.
“So maybe it goes deeper than that,” he said. “Are you trying to trick yourself into believing that life will get better if you have a good Christmas?”
Was that what I was about? “It’s an anniversary of sorts. Not just of Carl leaving but of what I thought was going to be my future going up in flames. Before, I was certain of how the next five years were going to go. For the last year, I’ve not known what direction I’m headed. Maybe a great Christmas will allow me to break free of this limbo I’ve been living for the last twelve months and move forward.”
“You want the Christmas magic to show you your future,” he said, putting together all the pieces of what I’d confessed. Even if it sounded ridiculous, which I was afraid it might, Sebastian didn’t say so.
“Maybe.” I’d always loved Christmas, but my appreciation of the season had shifted into a new gear this year. Sebastian was right. I was hoping for a Christmas miracle.
“Even if it felt like you had your life with Carl planned out, you didn’t know for certain. You just thought you did. That certainty you had was just an illusion.”
My heart thunked in my ribcage as if I’d done an emergency stop and it wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. I sat up on the bed. I couldn’t think straight lying down. I’d never thought about it that way, but Sebastian was right—my future had never been mapped out like I’d thought. Maybe at some point, Carl thought we’d be married too, but something had changed in him. His future shifted. Mine had too. “Our futures are always shifting,” I said, almost to myself.
“Death and taxes are the only certain things in life, so Benjamin Franklin said.”
The way Sebastian said it seemed so matter-of-fact, but it felt to me that he’d just explained quantum mechanics in a way that actually made sense.
“I suppose.”
It was a Christmas miracle.
And Sebastian had made it happen.
Sebastian leapt to his feet. “Can I have your car keys? I need to get something.”
I was still too busy processing the implications of what he’d just said to ask him where he was going. “Sure, they’re on the dresser.”
“I’ll be two minutes.”
“Sebastian, your coat,” I called after him but it was too late. He was gone. Had I bored him?
I slumped back down on the pillow and texted Lemon. Do I drive men away?
A few minutes later, I got a reply. You will do if you haven’t burned your ex’s stupid Star Wars duvet cover yet.
A few minutes later, I jumped at the rattle of the door handle. Sebastian appeared in the doorway, carrying the box for his Secret Santa.
“Here,” he said, kicking the door closed with his foot and then stalking over to where I sat on the bed. “Open it.”
“That’s for your Secret Santa person.”
He sat down at the foot of the bed. “You’re my Secret Santa person. And I want you to open it.”
My heart inched higher in my chest. I was desperate to know what he’d chosen, but I didn’t want to break the rules.
“We’re not meant to exchange gifts until Christmas Eve,” I said, staring at the box, wondering if my x-ray vision was going to kick in anytime soon.
“Open it, Celia.”
I rolled my lips together. Would it matter if I broke the rules, just this once?
I pulled the top flaps of the box open and peered inside, but cardboard covered whatever it was. When I finally uncovered it and saw what looked like tiny roofing tiles, I knew instantly what he’d done. The German Black Forest weather house. Nobody had ever bought me anything so wonderful.
“Sebastian.” I was so touched. If I’d had the money, I’d have bought it for myself tonight. But I was also sort of sad because I knew Carl, the man I’d shared so much with and who I thought I was going to marry, never would have thought to buy me anything so perfect. “This was way over the twenty-pound limit.”
He shrugged. “So shoot me.”
I pulled out the house and set it on the bed. Sebastian took the cardboard box and put it over by the door before taking a seat on his side of the bed. There were so many details I’d not appreciated when I’d seen it on the shelf in the stall. “I hadn’t even noticed one of the reindeer has a red nose. And the wood is so beautiful! It looks exactly like a house you might find in the Black Forest. Only shrunken.”
“It’s nice to see you smile.”
The gruff grinch I’d met a few days ago had dissolved into a kind, caring man who I was lucky to have spent so much time with this last week. I moved off the bed and set the house on the dresser before rounding the bed to Sebastian’s side. I sat next to where he was reclined on the pillow, my heart ping-ponging in my chest. “Thank you.” I was barely able to get the words out, I was so overwhelmed at his gift—at him being so close, and being such a good listener, and the way he made me see me better than I saw myself. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss on his cheek. “It’s incredibly generous of you. And . . . I couldn’t be more grateful.”
He sat upright, our faces just centimeters apart, our breaths sweeping across each other’s cheeks. The scent of nutmeg and fire filled my lungs. “I know a German Black Forest house won’t make what he did any better but—”
I pressed my lips to his. I just couldn’t help it. He smelled so good, and he’d been so kind and patient and open. Not to mention he might just be the most handsome man I’d ever laid eyes on.
Just as I began to sink into his kiss, he pulled back. “The gift doesn’t need repaying. I didn’t bring it in from the car in the hope that it would lead to anything.” He shook his head. “I should have left it where it was. I just . . . don’t like seeing you sad.”
He didn’t like seeing me sad? He had the direct dial to my ovaries. “Sebastian, I can’t imagine you’d ever have to give any woman a gift in exchange for a kiss. I’m sure women are queuing down the street for a kiss from you. And rightly so. That kiss wasn’t repayment. I’m kissing you because I want to kiss you.”
His eyes darkened. “I want to kiss you too.” He cupped the back of my neck and pulled me toward him, took my bottom lip between his and groaned. Goosebumps sheeted my skin and I ran my hands up his chest. He was all hard muscles under soft wool and I wanted to curl up on him and sleep until Christmas. And I wanted to strip him naked and trace each ab with my tongue.
With a sigh, he pulled back. “I’ve wanted to do that again since I last kissed you.”
I smiled. “What took you so long?”
He laughed and leaned forward, placing a small kiss on the corner of my lip. “You’re funny. And cute.” He pressed a kiss on the opposite side of my mouth. “And sexy.”