“What are you talking about? That’s impossible. You’ve been together for twenty years.”
“Autumn, there’s a lot you don’t know.”
Julian grabbed her arm. “Kid, let them be.”
“Christian, do Mom and Dad know?”
He shook his head, and I answered for him, “We’re going to tell them.”
“When?”
“Soon,” was all I could reply.
Julian pulled her away. “Come on, let’s get back to our guests.” I’d never been more grateful for him than I was right then.
Autumn gazed at us hesitantly before she reluctantly listened to her husband. After they were gone, I glared back at Christian.
“Thanks for nothing,” I bit. “You could have helped me, you know? Is this how it’s going to be when we tell your parents?”
“You need to remember that you’re the one who wants this divorce, Kinley. And don’t you ever forget that.”
He turned and followed them back to the reception while I stayed there for another few minutes, thinking about the mess our lives had become.
Two weeks later, we were sitting at their table for dinner when Christian took it upon himself to announce our divorce to them without discussing it with me first. Completely blindsiding me, and I knew he did it to be spiteful.
Announcing, “You guys can stop pretending like you don’t know we’re getting a divorce. I’m sure Autumn already told you.”
They’d just gotten back from their honeymoon in St. Bart’s, and this was the last thing we needed to discuss.
“Christian,” Autumn coaxed. “What was I supposed to do? Huh? They have a right to know.”
I sighed, intervening, “Please don’t argue because of us.”
“So then, it’s true?” his mom asked, making me bow my head.
The shame immediately eating me alive.
For the next hour, we had to hear his parents talk about the ups and downs of marriage, and how important it was to stay connected, like we didn’t already know that. They were adamant we could work through it, and we’d come out stronger in the end.
I never thought we’d be in this situation to begin with, and it wasn’t like I had fallen out of love with him. He was still my everything, but we weren’t on the same page anymore. We’d drifted apart, becoming two different people instead of a couple. We weren’t even on the same wavelength anymore.
Arguing with him at therapy only added to the conviction I felt about ending our marriage. We couldn’t go on like this. It wasn’t fair to either of us, and for the life of me, I didn’t understand why he couldn’t see that.
“Christian, that’s not fair!” I shouted, staring him down at our therapist’s office.
“What’s not fair, Kinley? Because the only thing not fucking fair is the fact that you’re making us get a divorce!”
“I’m not making us get a divorce! You want one too! You just can’t bring yourself to say the words, so I’m doing it for the both of us!”
“Oh, that’s fucking rich. You know everything, don’t you?”
“Oh, please! You want to talk about egos? Yours is so fucking big I’m surprised you’re able to walk past the doors of our therapist’s office!”
“Kinley, Christian…”
“What?!” we both yelled in unison, glaring at our marriage counselor.
This poor woman.
The number of times she had to play mediator between us in the last year was not lost on me. I swear it was the only thing she did, constantly having to interfere with our dragged-out fights. I couldn’t remember the last time Christian and I weren’t screaming at each other.
“We’ve talked about this before. You need to learn to use your feeling words. Shouting at one another isn’t going to solve anything.”
“There’s nothing to solve according to my wife, Dr. Webb. We’re signing divorce papers in a few days, remember?”
“I know, but in the meantime, you can still try to express yourselves in a positive way.”
I glanced at him, trying to listen to her and do my best at leveling out my tone. “Christian, when you say things like I want a divorce and you don’t, it really upsets me. I know deep down you’re deflecting and placing blame on me when we both know we haven’t been happy in a very long time.”
With a condescending expression on his face, he replied, “Kinley… I don’t want to upset you, but when you say I want a divorce too, it’s complete and utter bullshit.” He sarcastically smiled, looking back at our therapist. “I don’t have a feeling word for bullshit other than what it is which is fucking bullshit.”
“Do you see, Dr. Webb?” I pointed at him. “Do you see what I have to deal with? He’s an asshole!”
“Kinley,” she said in that soothing voice I hated.
“Right.” I nodded, trying to once again control my tone. “He’s patronizing me, and it makes him look like an arrogant know-it-all, and it makes me feel like a child instead of his wife.”
“Patronizing you?” he disputed. “Because I don’t want a divorce, I’m an asshole? Well, since you want one, Kins, what does that make you? ’Cause I can think of a lot of words that are comparable to arrogant and know-it-all, and one that specifically stands out right now would definitely be selfish.”
“Selfish?” I narrowed my heated stare at him. “Are you for real? I’m the furthest thing from selfish, Christian. Like always, you’re not hearing me!”
“Oh, that’s right! You’re always right, and I’m always wrong. You’re just perfect, and everything is all my fault.”
“I didn’t say that! See? You never listen to me, and that’s our biggest problem. You hear what you want to and it’s why nothing ever gets solved between us.”
“You can’t let go of anything. You hold onto everything, and it builds and builds until all you do is nag me when you could have just said something to me when it was actually bothering you.”
“When am I supposed to tell you? You’re never around. You work all the time! It’s either you’re at the office with your patients, or you’re at the hospital delivering their babies! You’re there more than you are at home, so when am I supposed to talk to you, Christian? Because I don’t fucking know anymore. Do I need to make an appointment with your secretary, or do I need to talk to your RN since you spend more time with her than you do with me? How’s that supposed to make me feel?”
“For fuck’s sake! We’re back to this bullshit again? I work for you! I work because your life has been hard, and I want to make it easier for you. In the same way I have for the last twenty years. I work to give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I work for your big, beautiful house, and your six-figure car, for your designer clothes, and fuck-me heels! For your hair appointments, for your nails, for your lunches with your girlfriends, for the food that’s on the damn table every single night! I work to make your life better! Now what the hell do you do for me?”
I gasped. “I work too, but you don’t see me revolving my life around my career!”