And I’ve been thinking about his life a lot.
It’s crazy—most normal people would run away as fast as they could, not wanting anything to do with it. And I thought that too. But since being here, I’ve missed it. Which is so strange since I was so eager to get away from it all. The problem is, his life is dangerous and will always be dangerous because of who he is. But I knew that before I slept with him, so that was my choice when I spread my legs for him.
The real catch now is…
… is he worth it?
I know he can never stop being who he is.
He is a god among men. And don’t get me wrong, it’s appealing to have a man of his power want you, and only you. And the fact that he never slept with Paige made me feel somewhat better about all things Keir.
But that last day with his father was too much, I knew I was at breaking point. If I didn’t go then, I was afraid of what I might have done. Who I would have become. That was not my life. I didn’t live a life where I witnessed people being shot or killed. Yes, I saw my husband shot and killed, and that fucked me up and hurt, but it wasn’t just one person that last night.
It was a lot.
A lot to take in.
For any normal person.
I rub my hand down my arm as I look at my cell. His message is still lit up like a beacon as it sits in front of me waiting for a response. I walk away without answering and go out for the day with Bianca.
But all day my head thinks of those three small words. I miss you.
The Next Day…
* * *
Keir: It’s the eyes for me. Your doe eyes that lock onto my soul and want to consume me night and day. They haunt my dreams.
* * *
I read his message and once again I don’t reply.
He sends another the following day.
* * *
Keir: It’s the way you cross your arms over your chest when you’re angry.
* * *
I look down at my arms and smile when I realize I do that a lot.
The next day, he sends me another.
* * *
Keir: It’s the way your hair falls over your face when you sleep. I’ve literally never seen anything more beautiful.
* * *
That’s it, I call him, I have to.
It’s been days of messages, and I can’t seem to form a response. I also need to know it’s him who’s sending them. It’s almost time for me to go back, and I want to know, now more than ever, if what’s between us is real.
The phone rings, and I bite my nails as I wait for him to pick up. It’s late.
Shit. Time difference.
I go to hang up, realizing it’s like two in the morning there, but his voice comes over the line. “Lollipop.” I remain silent, my breathing the only indication I’m there. “Do you plan to come home?” he asks, and I suck in a breath.
Home. What even is that anymore? I feel like I’ve had so many, but none have ever truly been mine.
“I think it’s time you come back to me,” he whispers.
“What if that isn’t my home any longer?” I say, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Your home is where Wren and I are. Now, come home.” He almost begs. “Tell me you will.”
“I will,” I tell him, then go silent. “But, Keir—”
“No buts,” he interrupts.
“Acceptance doesn’t grow overnight,” I tell him.
“Goodnight, Sailor,” he replies, and I tell him goodnight before I hang up.
I clutch Wren to me as we leave the airport. She has an upset stomach, and the only way she seems to settle is if she’s lying on me. As soon as I walk out of the terminal, I see him. Let’s face it he’s hard to miss, and every single person who walks past him stares. Hell, I’m staring.
He pushes off the car and walks straight over. I can’t see his eyes behind his darkened glasses, but I know they’re tracking me, then he turns his head to look at Wren in my arms. He lifts his glasses before he takes her from me. I’m about to tell him no, but she goes easily and snuggles straight into him. I’m not really sure how he does that so easily. It’s as if she knows who he is.
“Sailor.” Bianca walks over then she touches my back. We had a great week together and did more than I did in the three weeks I was there by myself. “I’m going straight home to shower.” She kisses my cheek and does the same with Wren and Keir before she heads off.
“Are you ready to go home?” he asks.
“You kept the apartment?” I question.
“No,” he answers, and I’m surprised by his words. I had hoped he did, but I didn’t ask him to either. He leans into the car and straps Wren into her car seat between us before we get in.
“Do you intend to look at me or out the car window for the whole trip?” He breaks the silence as the car makes its way out of the airport.
“I don’t know what to say to you.”
“Are you glad to be back?”
“Yes and no…”
“Okay, let’s start off with the no.” I nod, and he raises his brows. “Explain.”
“I don’t know what we are, what we could be, or if I even want us to be a thing.”
“I want us to be a thing, and I won’t stop trying,” he comments. “You want me, Sailor. You can’t deny that. I’m not the only one who gets goosebumps when the other is around. I see the effect I have on you.”
“I’ve never denied that,” I reply, getting angry now. “See that? You can’t do that.”
“What? Talk sense into you?”
“Sense?” I question.
He nods. “Yes, sense. We work! Even if it’s not what you had hoped for. We work.”
“Obviously, we don’t. And just because the sex is great—”
He cuts me off. “It’s amazing, not great.”
“Having amazing sex does not mean we are compatible.”
“But that’s why we try, right? To see if we are?”
His words stump me. Have we ever actually tried to be a couple? I’m not sure we have. We have had failed attempts at everything else.
“I miss you, and I want you. I’m a straight shooter, Sailor, you know this. Feelings are not something I grew up with. And yet, here I am, giving them to you as if I was trained to do so. And believe me when I say, I wasn’t. I will fuck up, have no doubt. Say things you will want to kill me for. But believe me, every night, when I crawl into bed, it’s you I want next to me. It’s you I want to feel.”
His words throw me. So much so, that I don’t even realize we’ve stopped.
When he gets out, he walks around and offers me his hand. I look out the window to a two-story brownstone.
“Welcome home, Sailor.” I take his offered hand and get out of the car. When I’m standing in front of him, he makes sure to push my hair behind my ear, sending shivers all over my body. “It’s going to be amazing… you and me.” He leans down and kisses my cheek. “Wren will love it, and I will love you enough for both of us.”