I started to pull away but instead of turning onto the street, I pulled off and parked in a lot across the street where I could see her car. I was annoyed and disappointed, but still curious as fuck. What could be so bad that she would push me away like this? I’d had a few minutes of self-doubt earlier, but we were too good together for her to walk away like she had, without a backward glance.
Was she married? Living with someone?
It didn’t seem likely since the whole town knew we’d been together, but maybe if I followed her home, I’d get a feel for what was going on. I couldn’t understand why she was so reluctant to give me—us—a chance. She’d been okay until the Christmas thing came up and then she’d absolutely panicked. If there was a correlation between her secrets and the holidays, I couldn’t put it together without more information, hence my sitting here like a freakin’ stalker. I just wanted to help, to do whatever it took for us to maybe have a future. Because I cared about her more than I wanted to admit.
But she didn’t come back out and after two hours had passed, I decided to text her.
REMY: Hey. Just wanted to check in, make sure you were okay.
NOELLE: I just got into bed. We’ll talk in a day or two.
Why the fuck would she lie to me about being in bed when she was still at the arena? There was no one else there, and when we’d left earlier, she’d cleaned everything up so she couldn’t be working.
I sat there until three in the morning, and Noelle never left.
It was the oddest feeling, sitting there watching for her, knowing she was there when she’d told me she was at home. I couldn’t figure out why she would lie. I refused to believe she was married, so something else was going on.
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Sonofabitch.
Chapter Twenty
Noelle
* * *
I took a lukewarm shower, bundled myself in three layers of clothes, and curled up in my old sleeping bag. It was weatherproof, so it kept me pretty warm, but it had gotten so cold the last few days. And I’d gotten used to sleeping with Remy, who was like my own personal heater. I’d forgotten how much I disliked being cold until I’d spent most of the last three weeks sleeping in warm beds. With a warm, sexy man I was already half in love with.
I tossed and turned all night, partly because I was cold and partly because I felt like hell after saying goodbye to Remy. He was such a good guy and I was being an insecure twit. In my heart of hearts, this was all my fault. I should have called Remy and apologized, should have told him that I didn’t want anything more than to spend Christmas with him, to spend my life with him. But past hurts, pride, and insecurity were strong emotions to fight individually, much less all three at once.
My financial and living situations shouldn’t have been such a big deal, but they were. No matter how many times I reminded myself I was almost at my goal, that I wouldn’t be homeless much longer, reality somehow managed to rear up and smack me in the face. Remy was so hardworking, focused, and successful, I couldn’t let him see how low I’d let myself fall.
Six months, I reminded myself when I finally got up and changed into the warmest clothes I owned.
The plan was to be in some kind of apartment, even a small room somewhere by June first. Maybe sooner if I got the raise Remy promised me.
I groaned as I thought about that.
There was no way I’d ask him about it now that we were on the outs, but if he sold the arena out from under me, I’d need some kind of warning. Which meant we had to talk at least once more.
I brushed my teeth, put my hair in a ponytail and slid my feet into my boots. The arena had been colder than usual last night, so I needed to check the thermostat. Then I might go sit at the library for a while because everything about the arena reminded me of Remy.
My phone rang and I sighed when I saw Connie’s name on the screen.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” She sounded subdued.
“What’s going on?”
“Craig and I had another fight and he left around three in the morning. He hasn’t come back.”
“That sounds like a good thing to me.” I was usually more tactful with Connie, but I was done with pussyfooting around the issues with Craig.
“Yeah, I know.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Nothing until after the holidays.”
“Well, Remy and I had a fight last night too.”
“Oh, no. Why?”
I told her what happened.
“It’s my fault,” she groaned. “I never should have brought up Christmas until we were alone.”
“It’s all right. It was inevitable, you know? He’s leaving soon and chances are, he’s going to forget all about me.”
“Maybe. But maybe not. You should have more faith in yourself. Remy seems like a good guy. If he was interested in me? I’d be all over it. Even if I wound up with a broken heart, he’s the kind of guy most of us only dream of. You’ve met an actual knight in shining armor and you keep pretending he’s the enemy.”
“It’s not that he’s the enemy,” I said gently. “He’s just a fantasy. A one-night stand that turned into a few weeks, but we both know it’s not going anywhere.”
“He invited you to spend the holidays with his family. Are you kidding right now? You think he would do that if he didn’t plan to keep seeing you?”
“How can I do that?” I cried in frustration. “Oh, hey, let me hop on a plane to Florida where I can visit my millionaire boyfriend. Then I’ll come back to Garland Grove so I can continue sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor of the women’s locker room! He would probably die of embarrassment if he found out.”
Connie was quiet for a few seconds. “He still doesn’t know you’re basically living at the arena?”
“No and he better not find out either. There’s only so many hits my pride can take. It’s exhausting trying to be strong all the time and letting him see how badly life has beaten me down isn’t an option.”
“Noelle, are you listening to yourself? He’s the perfect person to help you get back on your feet.”
“I’m not a freakin’ prostitute!” I snapped.
“Oh my god. Stop it, okay? There’s nothing about dating a great guy who happens to have money that makes you a whore. You’re smart and educated and hardworking. You ran into a serious string of bad luck but you’ve almost pulled yourself out of it. No one who cares about you would ever look down on you.”
“What makes you think he cares about me? He could have anyone!”
“That’s right. He can have absolutely anyone. So why do you think he invited you to Christmas with his mother? To dump you the next day? That’s ludicrous, even for you.”
I sighed.
A lot of what she was saying rang true.
All of this was on me. My demons, my pride, my inability to trust.
“I guess it’s moot now, though,” I said after a minute. “He said he’s leaving from Vancouver so I’m probably not going to see him again.”
“Unless you call him and come clean.”