“I look forward to the day when managing all that is an issue because it will mean we’ve made it. But for right now, it’s not like that.”
“You need to ask yourself if it’s fair to expect Cerys to handle all that, though. What will she have to sacrifice to enable you to pursue all of that?”
“Jimmy. She hasn’t sacrificed anything. This all helps her career. Not hinders it. Hopefully we’ll co-write songs because we work well together. I don’t have all the answers yet, but we’ll figure it out. Okay?”
An awkward silence settled between them. “Sure. I’ll go see how the rest of the band are doing in the other studio.”
It felt weird, standing alone in the studio as he replayed Jimmy’s words. It’s just concern for his daughter, Jase reminded himself. But there was a part of him that stung. He was coming to respect Jimmy, and it bothered him that Jimmy didn’t see him as good for Cerys as she was for him.
The studio was silent for what felt like the first moment in days, and for the first time in his life, he found he actually enjoyed the respite of it, despite Jimmy’s concerns. Life had always had such a frenetic energy to it. Living in a bustling city, surrounded by family and aggravation. Now, he sipped his drink, which tasted fucking awful, lamented how he couldn’t step outside for a cigarette, and let the peace swirl around him.
“Everything going okay?” Cerys asked, stepping inside.
“Yeah, come here.” He held out his hand to her and put his cup down on the stool he’d perched on while recording.
She hopped up onto the low platform and linked her fingers with his and he pulled her to him, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “How’s it going in there?”
“Luke is definitely a better drummer than I am. And Alex is a freaking genius. He added some stuff to the track that I think you are really going to love. Matt nailed his track in two takes. Like, super clean. How are you doing?”
“Got to be honest, there have been a few moments with Jimmy this morning when I’ve felt like a complete idiot.”
Cerys ran her fingertip down the side of his face, and he playfully tried to bite it to make her laugh, because honestly, no instrument in this huge studio could match its tone and brightness. “Why do you feel like a complete idiot?”
“We’ve wasted so much time as a band, and I think a lot of it is due to me and the chaos I’ve caused. Like, your dad was just talking to me about storytelling as a construct for a whole album, not just a song. And I’m standing there, taking it all in, thinking about the genius of it and how it makes sense. And I wonder, if I’d actually put a decent shift into being the best musician I could be, could we have found some success sooner?”
Cerys stared up at him, the little lines between her eyes told him she was thinking. “Did you know Bill Withers released his debut album at thirty-two and it contained the hit ‘Ain’t No Sunshine’?”
“It’s not exactly the same thing. We’ve been throwing songs out there for a decade.”
“Maybe. I guess what I’m trying to say is there isn’t an age limit or time frame on success. Leonard Cohen is best known for ‘Hallelujah’, but that song came about like, twenty years after his first record. And, you know the odds of making it in the music industry are brutal.” She stepped away from him and spread her arms out as she spun around. “But you’re here now. You can’t change what happened in the last decade. The only thing that really matters is what you do next. Show them, but more importantly, you need to show yourself you are ready and deserve all this.”
“How do you always know the perfect thing to say?”
“Just smarter than you, I guess.”
Jase grinned. “That’s not hard. I’ve got five GCSEs to my name, and one of them is photography. Not all that helpful.”
“You don’t need GCSEs to become the lead singer. Step into that persona.”
Jase shook his head. “I’m not that good.”
“Yes, you are. You felt like a fraud before and were able to do it. But you aren’t a fraud. Now step up like the real deal you are.”
“Come here and give me a kiss and let me bite that neck of yours a bit while I think about what you just said.”
Cerys pulled her hair over one shoulder, the creamy skin of her neck illuminated by the studio lighting. “I guess I owe you that much.”
She squealed as he lifted her and lowered his teeth to playfully bite her neck.
“Put her down,” Matt said, stepping into the studio.
Jase kissed her tenderly on the lips once before addressing his brother. “Can’t, mate. Little Jase has formed an attachment. Nothing I can do about it.”
“Did he tell you he’s called his dick Little Jase since he was four years old?” Matt asked, grinning.
Jase nodded. “True story. Always felt he needed a name of his own, seeing he acts independent of my brain half the time.”
“Why Little Jase, though? Like, little isn’t . . . ” Cerys glanced over to Matt and blushed, realising what she was saying and who she was saying it in front of.
“Are you asking why my dick’s name is Little when it’s actually huge?”
“I’m going.” She hopped off the stage.
“But, sunshine. You were just about to say the sweetest thing about my—”
“Enjoy the rest of your day,” she blustered, and Jase grinned as the studio door shut behind her. God, he was a lucky fucking guy.
“Urgh. It’s almost pathetic watching you watch the door she just left through,” Matt said.
“It’s almost pathetic doing it.” Jase shrugged. “Can’t explain why it doesn’t feel it, though. What’s up?”
Matt dropped his pad and pencil onto the stage and sat down on the edge. “Jimmy wants us to make a start on the final song because he got into something with Alex and Luke. Wants us to try and get the outline down today, meaning we’ll be here until the early hours.”
Jase looked at the blank piece of paper and felt a wave of emotion rise. But it wasn’t the huge swell of the past. It was a gentle churn. Something manageable. Something he could easily wade through.
And he’d worry later about whether Jimmy’s decision to do this right now and work them until late was a way to keep him from Cerys. Perhaps even talk to Cerys about it to see if she thought that was what he was doing.
“Where do we start?” he asked.
Matt lay back on the stage and put his elbows behind his head. “How did it work when you wrote those other songs?”
“Honestly. I stormed around Bexter’s studio while Cerys wrote down everything I spewed out. Then we looked for themes, and sentences or words that stood out, and started grouping shit together. We’d take a break, go back to it and see if it still made sense. Try to put a structure around it.” Jase joined Matt on the edge of the stage.
“Do you have a topic idea?”
Jase buried the urge to say no. “Yeah. Bonds. The way that we’re still here, as a band. You and me. After all the shit, the drinking, the coke, the sex, the dicking around. I guess the idea that some bonds are so fucking durable they can be tested every day our entire lives and they just won’t break. I think it’s the idea that, you know, I might fucking stumble. But I know the next time I fall, you’ll catch me. Nan’ll catch me. The next time I fall I won’t feel like I’m on my own. The next time I fall . . .”