She released a breath. “Okay, I can deal with it then.”
Surprised, I reared back and blurted out, “Huh?”
“You know there’s a saying about the O’Donnellys, don’t you?”
“That we’re all assholes?” I mocked.
“Well, yeah… but that’s only to some people,” she drawled. “For some reason, most families revere the lot of you.”
“That’s because Da’s conned them into thinking he’s the second coming.”
She sniggered at that. “I’m not sure that’s the exact reason, but they do treat him that way.”
“What’s the saying?”
“An O’Donnelly apologizes to no man.”
“That’s bullshit,” I groused.
“Is it though? When was the last time you apologized?”
“I’m not a rude prick.”
“You don’t have to be a rude prick to never apologize for your actions,” she pointed out. “You just have to be an entitled ass.”
“Isn’t that synonymous with rude prick?”
“Maybe. I taught Shay the value of an apology from the start because I knew, one day, when you hauled us back and/or tore us apart, he’d forget what it meant to say sorry.
“So, you apologizing to me means a lot. More than you know. It tells me that you don’t say any of this to be a dick. You’re not trying to be a pain in my ass.
“Circumstances are dictating how these things have to happen. I can work within those parameters if you really mean that apology, and I know you wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t. So that changes everything.”
I let that sink in before I took total advantage of her concession, “You won’t give me crap when I pull moves to heighten your security?”
“Not if you properly explain why you’re pulling those moves. And not if you go out of your way to make something happen when I need it—like tonight.”
“Tonight went against my better judgment.”
“And yet, because of tonight, you have a very happy girlfriend. Wasn’t it worth it?”
Instead of answering, I just grunted.
Girlfriend.
That label did not reflect what she was to me.
Aela wasn’t a girlfriend.
She was my fucking everything.
As my mind whirred, I listened to her talk about the state dinner. About how the First Lady’s family name was Ó Cléirigh and about how she wanted some secret design on the glass with Éire le chéile go deo incorporated into it.
As I listened, I reached for my phone, and as always in times of crisis and cutting shit close to the wire, I texted the one person who’d be able to pull a miracle out of his hat.
Me: Kid, I need a favor.
Sixteen
Lena
“Son, I don’t really have time for this.”
“Why?” Declan grumbled. “This is important. Hasn’t Conor told you about what’s happening in a week?”
“No.” My voice dropped an octave, but it couldn’t be helped.
Guilt chased the denial because I’d been avoiding Conor since Christmas.
I knew that made me a horrendous mother, but I was that already. I’d been that for years.
Too many bruises, too much blood shed, all under my watch.
“No? Why not? I thought he was going to drag you in to help?”
Agitated, I scratched the side of my neck. “Things have been hectic on my end.”
“Since when? You never said anything on Sunday.”
“Well, I’m not one to broadcast all my ailments over dinner,” I snapped, aggrieved by his persistence. “Michael’s in the hospital.”
“Michael? Your driver?”
“Yes.” I stepped out of the elevator as it opened up onto the floor where Michael was being treated. Jamie, my new guard, fell into line behind me. “He’s been told there’s nothing more they can do for him.”
“Shit,” Declan rasped, and I didn’t chide him for cursing. Instead, I closed my eyes.
Two guards of mine, two favorites, were going to be lost to me within twelve months.
Two.
Building up a rapport with men who put their lives on the line to protect you took time, and I’d lost Rogan when some Italian soldiers had killed him as he protected my grandson and Declan’s girlfriend. Now, I was going to lose Michael.
“I’m sorry, Ma,” Declan muttered, and I heard his genuine grief for me.
Because I needed to be strong and breaking down in a hospital corridor wasn’t a sign of weakness I could allow, I moved over to a window and stared out of the glass so no one could see my expression.
“Does Da know?”
Aidan was in a world of his own right now, and I could easily understand that.
Christmas…
Conor…
It was much too much and Aidan felt things more than most.
Only Finn and Junior were privy to our private shame—that we’d tried to take our lives. That the guilt and the horror were something we were incapable of handling.
That was why I couldn’t look my boy in the eye.
I’d let them all down by allowing Aidan to make men out of them by bruising them with his might, but knowing that Conor had been molested…
There were no words.
None.
Just thinking about it had my throat closing. My ears tuning out so that all I could hear was the beat of my heart and the rushing of blood in them.
I tried to focus on taking slow and steady breaths, but that wasn’t easy when I felt like I was running a race all while standing still.
Tipping my head forward, I pressed my forehead against the glass and let the cool chill sink into me.
“Ma’am?” Jamie questioned, but though I heard him, I couldn’t process what he was asking.
“Ma?!” Declan snapped down the line. “Listen to me, I know you can’t answer, I can hear the way you’re breathing, but follow my lead, okay?”
When he started inhaling and exhaling, encouraging me to mimic him, I started weeping as I listened and breathed in time to him.
Such a good, good boy.
The best.
I was blessed.
Slowly but surely, my heart stopped its fluttering, and I managed to rasp, “Thank you, son.”
I didn’t deserve my boys.
Every day, I received more proof of that.
“It’s okay. We’ll figure something out with your guards,” he told me. “You like Sean, don’t you? From my crew?”
“I do,” I whispered.
“Then I’ll redirect him to your team.”
“Don’t you need him?” I did like Sean. He was Mary Constantine’s boy, and because his father had died when he was a teen, he’d been raised right.
“I can deal. There are plenty of men who can help me, but not so many that you like.”
I heaved a sigh. “I appreciate that more than you know, Declan. Thank you.”
“No worries. Did Conor not tell you about the wedding next week?”
I blinked. “You and Aela are getting hitched?”
“We are. I need you to coordinate with Conor otherwise shit won’t get done in time. It’s a surprise for her, so don’t say anything, okay?”