So good.
That man has skills.
And when he’s not making me pant and moan, he’s either melting my heart with how completely in love he is with being a father or making me grin and wish that I’d had him as a friend like this in my life since the beginning. That we hadn’t wasted so much time perfecting the art of nasty neighboring.
But none of that matters because it’s brought us to where we are now. And this place is so good it’s beyond my wildest dreams. What I’m not doing is thinking about what’s going to happen at the end of next month. I don’t want to stop living because I’m waiting to leave.
There’s just one hitch.
I still haven’t told Caroline about the latest development in our relationship.
She and I are closer than I am with any of the other kids. I love them all, talk to them once a week. But while my role with the younger kids is more provider, Caroline and I have always been friends. Confidantes.
And while I know exactly how she’s going to feel about the lines I’ve crossed with Axel, I really need someone to talk to who isn’t the man sweeping me off my feet a little more every day.
After dodging her for three weeks, I finally bite the bullet.
“So, what you’re saying is, this isn’t just some physical release? It’s emotional too.”
She says emotional like she’s about to throw up from the foulness in her mouth.
“Okay, yes. But I really don’t think that’s a bad thing. It’s like a crash course in relationships for the girl with no experience. It’s a safe way to learn, right?”
“Umm, no. Like a thousand times, no, Nora. What the heck are you thinking with this guy?”
I knew she’d feel this way. It’s why I held off calling for so long. But still, a part of me had been hoping she could be happy for me.
“I think he’s become one of my best friends. That my life is better for having known him. And that I trust him with all things I’d be embarrassed or insecure about with someone else.”
“Are you talking about… sex right now? Because I thought you did it with that guy from—”
“I did,” I cut her off quickly. “And I am. But it’s more than sex.”
“That’s the problem! If it were some straightforward tutorial in how to get nasty in the bedroom, I’d be cheering you on, telling you to study hard.”
“You did not say that.”
I can hear her smile. “I totally did. But my point is that this isn’t just sex. This guy and his kid are working their way too far into your life when you’re leaving the country next month. They’re going to break your heart.”
“They’re teaching me how to use it! And everyone knows what the limits are here. Everyone understands that the only reason this works the way it works is because I’m leaving.”
“Do they? And by they, I mean you. Because way back when you were telling me how both of you were on the same page about nothing happening, Axel had a reason.”
He didn’t want to risk Otto losing his nanny because of him. But that isn’t an issue anymore. Not between us. “Okay, yes, it’s going to hurt when I leave them. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye. But I’d rather let my heart break a little than never use it at all.”
She’s silent for a moment, and I can practically see the little lines of concentration digging between her brows.
“Caroline, I’m happy. And I want to be able to share it without you trying to tear it down to save me from myself. I want you to be on my side with this.”
She sighs. “I’m always on your side. Even when I think you’re making a mistake. I’m pulling for you. And if this is what you want right now, then enjoy it. Just be careful. You’re too close to getting the life you’ve been waiting for to let some fling get in the way.”
“I will. I love you, sis.”
“Yeah, you too.”
Axel
Prior to Otto’s surprise reveal back in November, my apartment was the team’s unofficial hangout. I had the best games. The sweetest location. The stocked fridge. And the hot neighbor with the even hotter attitude.
Now I have an activity station and mobile, baby brain-stimulating playlist gently piping through the apartment, and the only thing my place is stocked with is diapers and formula and this iced-tea-lemonade thing Nora likes to make on Mondays and then drinks throughout the week.
Which is why we’re hanging at Bowie and Boomer’s place tonight.
I hired my guys to clean it this afternoon and then made Boomer dig out a spare bed sheet so clean it still had a fabric softener sheet attached to it to put over the living room couch before I trusted Otto here.
Nora thinks I’m being overprotective, and maybe she’s right, but the only person I trust my son with unequivocally is her. And tonight, she’s at the movies with Nat and George.
Boomer’s currently waltzing my boy around his apartment, using this singsong voice that’s annoying as fuck but has some soothing voodoo magic when it comes to getting Otto to chill.
Piper Boerboom drops into the open spot next to me and points her beer at her brother. “Years from now, you’re going to discover Otto was actually paralyzed with fear instead of lulled into a calm by this incessant chatter.”
I laugh but do a surreptitious double-check of Otto’s body language. The little man is loving Uncle BamBam, as Nora teasingly refers to him when she wants to get a grin out of me. Bowie comes back from the door, a pizza in one hand and a couple of gigantic salads in the other.
“Jesus, BB, can I set it down first?” he grouses as Piper helps herself to a slice, totally ignoring him.
He and about half the team call her BB for Baby Boomer, which she detests. But for whatever reason, she’s always been Piper to me.
Boomer’s circling back our way, explaining that this place is normally crawling with bunnies, but since the Fun Wrecker crown has passed to me, he can’t have any.
Awesome. Better start saving for the therapy bills now.
Piper gives me a knowing look, and I snort. She’s a nice kid, despite her passion for grinding Bowie’s gears.
We shoot the shit a while. Talking about upcoming games, the douche who stole Piper’s parking spot outside, and what the fuck happened over Christmas. First, with Nichols getting snowed in— Christ, I still can’t believe what happened.
And then, the whole business with Diesel and that girl from Vegas last year. It’s nuts. Though, now that I think about Diesel’s next-level pissiness these past months, maybe it sort of makes sense.
Boomer says he called it six months ago. But I call bullshit. No one saw this coming.
The sordid team gossip makes for a damn good time, but honestly, I’m counting down the minutes until I can take Otto home so we can curl up with Nora for a while. Maybe turn the fire on.
I pull out my phone.
Me: How’s the movie?
Nora: Almost as good as watching Nat and George get all hopped up about it after. Too much romance or something, lol. Home soon. Tell you about it then.
Me: See you soon.
When I look up, there are three sets of eyes staring at me. Not Otto’s, though. He’s mesmerized by Boomer’s flashy watch.