From the corner of my eye, I saw her smile. “Aw. You love me.”
“Occasionally,” I grumbled.
“Well, that’s sweet. But I thought about it and talked it over with Justin, and I decided if I’m going to do this, I’m not going to do it hiding behind my big brother.”
“And you’re ready to forgive him for everything?”
“I don’t know, Dex. But it doesn’t do much good to keep hanging on to this shit, does it? Why not let it go before he’s gone forever and you lose the chance?”
“I just don’t think I can,” I said stubbornly.
“Well, I need to at least try. But I can handle this on my own. You don’t even have to hear about it if you don’t want to.”
“Fine.”
I stayed just long enough to see the kids when they woke up and give Justin shit about his long-ass lawn—he was equally relentless about my tight shirt—and then I headed home.
Feeling restless and agitated, I decided to take a run. It didn’t sit right with me, the way my sister seemed able to stare down demons I couldn’t. I didn’t like thinking of myself as the kind of guy who avoided a challenge. Tyler had mentioned my tough mental mettle from my days on the high school team, and it was true—I’d learned to put my feelings aside and focus on the game. I never brought any bullshit onto the field. That kind of machine-like ability to focus on the job at hand—show up, get it done, and get out—had served me well as a SEAL too. And now as a firefighter.
Five miles later, I returned home and put myself through some strength and core exercises on the lawn just beyond my patio. Pushing myself hard felt good.
After my final push-up, I collapsed on the grass, rolling onto my back. The late afternoon sun was bright in my eyes, and I closed them, breathing hard. A few seconds later, a shadow fell over my face. I opened my eyes, shading them with my hand.
Winnie stood there with a bottle of water. “Thought you might need this.”
“Thanks.” I sat up and popped to my feet, although I groaned while doing it. “These old bones just took a beating.”
She laughed. “I saw. I was sweating just watching you.”
I uncapped the water and chugged half of it down. “Did you just get home from work?”
She nodded, glancing down at her dark green Cloverleigh Farms polo and khaki pants. “Yes. I escaped early.”
“Nice.” I drank the rest of the water. “Guess what I did today?”
“What?”
“Got a side job doing some fitness coaching at Tyler Shaw’s sports complex.”
Her mouth fell open, and she clapped her hands excitedly. “That’s amazing! How’d that happen?”
“He reached out this morning, and I went over there this afternoon.”
“Want to train me?” She flexed her biceps, and I gave one a squeeze.
“Yes. You need it.”
Sticking her tongue out, she gave my chest a shove. “I’ll have you know, I can hold a plank for two solid minutes.”
“Sorry,” I said, chuckling. “Let me make it up to you. Want to go grab some dinner?”
Her face fell. “I can’t. I’m actually just home to change real quick, and then I’m meeting Ellie for dinner downtown.”
“Oh. No big deal,” I said, even though I was disappointed that I wouldn’t get to see her tonight. Tomorrow I worked, and then I’d have the kids.
“I won’t be late,” she said suggestively, playing with the braid trailing over one shoulder. “Maybe we could hang out when I get back? I could text you?”
“Whatever,” I said, like I wouldn’t be waiting by the phone.
“I’ll let you know when I’m home.”
“Okay. Have fun.” I watched her walk back toward her house, giving me a little wave over one shoulder before she slipped inside the sliding door.
Exhaling, I thumped the empty plastic water bottle against my leg for a moment, annoyed that she had me missing her when she wasn’t around. That wasn’t part of the deal.
I headed back inside, determined to do a better job keeping those feelings in check.
Twenty
Winnie
“I can’t believe you’re abandoning me,” Ellie moaned, taking a big gulp of her cocktail.
I laughed. “I’m not abandoning you.”
“You are. You’re abandoning me with my mother and Gianni Lupo, and you’re going off to Rhode Island just because someone offered you your dream job.” She made a face. “Rude.”
“That’s how I felt when you went off to France without me,” I reminded her, taking a sip of my vodka martini. “And maybe you should keep your voice down, since we’re in a Lupo restaurant.”
“This isn’t his restaurant. It’s his dad’s. I like his dad just fine. And France was different. It was temporary.” She sniffed. “This is permanent. You’re really leaving me.”
“So come with me,” I urged. “I’m sure there are wineries near Newport. Can’t you find a job out there too?”
Ellie sighed. “I can’t. I’m stupidly attached to Abelard. It’s always been my dream to work there.”
“I understand. It’s home to you.” I played with the stem of my glass. “It’s hard for me to leave home too.”
“Are you having second thoughts?” Ellie’s eyes widened.
“No, not exactly. I’m committed to the job, it’s just . . .” I glanced at a table to our left, where a family was celebrating a fiftieth anniversary. “Actually, it’s nothing. Nerves.”
She eyed me shrewdly as she sipped her gimlet. “Except that’s not your nerves face. That’s your I’m-trying-to-keep-from-admitting-the-truth face.”
I tried to hide behind my martini glass while taking a sip. Setting it down, I shrugged. “I’m . . . I’m kind of into the guy.”
“The neighbor?”
“Yeah. But that’s why it’s better that I’m leaving, right?”
Ellie studied me with pursed lips. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s only been a couple weeks, right?”
“Right.” I sat up taller and told myself to stop being foolish. “I’m being silly. He’s just really cool, and we have a good time together. But it’s not serious.”
“Are you guys seeing a lot of each other?” she asked casually.
“Not really.” I looked left again. Someone had tied balloons to the backs of their couple’s chairs—one said “50 Years” and the others were shiny gold hearts. “Just the nights he doesn’t have the kids or work.”
“Every night he doesn’t have the kids or work?”
“Um, yeah. So far.” I picked up my martini and sipped. “But we’re still just friends with benefits.”
“It’s just that you’re really digging those benefits?”
I laughed. “Yeah.”
“Well, maybe you’ll meet a hot guy in Rhode Island who can offer you all those benefits but comes with less baggage.” She tipped up her gimlet. “Although if you fall in love with him before Christmas, you still owe me the thing.”