“Help what?” Now, he looks thoroughly amused.
“Making me uncomfortable.”
“No.” He shakes his head, still grinning. “No, I can’t. It’s a compulsion.”
“Maybe you should see a therapist about it.”
“Maybe so.” He gives a light shrug, then holds a hand out in front of me. “You ready?”
No! Of course I’m not.
My eyes roam down to his hand, then back up to his face, more than once.
I freeze and then do something I never do—stammer. “I-I don’t know if this is such—”
He cuts me off. “Why you all dressed up then?”
Stop making sense, asshole.
“Matthew, it’s just…”
His eyes sear into mine, but then they soften a little. His entire demeanor softens. “It’s your decision.”
“Yeah, really felt that way all week.”
That gets another smile out of him. “It was the only way to get you to take this date seriously.”
“Brilliant tactic.” I glance down, and his hand is still there. He hasn’t moved it an inch, but his eyes remain on mine.
“I understand your apprehension, and it really is your decision, and I won’t be upset either way. I really mean that. You wouldn’t have considered it at all if it was a request earlier in the week, though. I certainly wouldn’t have gotten you into that dress otherwise, which has made this worth it, just to see you in it. Even if you decide now that you don’t want to go.”
Motherfucker! Pick a lane! Asshole or charming, not both!
When I still can’t manage to find any words to that, he says, “It’s up to you. But I promise, it’ll be a great time. Something to remember. And I’d never put you in a position that could hurt you.” And then, I swear he mumbles to himself, “Professionally anyway.”
“What’d you just whisper?”
Devilish grin.
Again.
Smirking.
“Nothing.” He glances down at his hand. “Come on, my arm’s getting tired, and I look like a jackass out here.”
“Maybe you should do some shoulders at the gym. Now, I kinda want to see how long you can hold it there.”
“I’m sure that’s amusing and entertaining, but it will make us late to the wedding. Then, we really will draw a large amount of attention to ourselves.”
Son of a bitch, he knew the exact two pain points to hit with me. Attention and punctuality. He knows it too.
When I glance down at his hand once more, the butterflies swarm even harder. Something about it makes me like him even more, though. It’s like an acknowledgment that even though he did the whole commanding routine, at the end of the day, it’s still my decision. I’m still in control of this.
Slowly, I reach for his hand, and find myself grinning as I do it.
This is monumentally stupid.
It’s only going to end one way.
In a disaster.
6
Karli
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
Matthew parks, then gets out and stalks around to open the door for me. I’m not going to swoon, but I kind of want to. I’m a serious mess. So many mixed emotions. The door opens next to me, and there’s his hand again. Right out there in the air, waiting for me to take it.
This time, I don’t hesitate. It’s like I’m outside of my body again, and my hand just moves on its own. I take it and stand up, ready to head toward the church.
To hell with it. Maybe I’ll spend the evening in this state, and then blame everything that happens on my subconscious.
Yeah, I’m not doing that either. Why am I trying to pass the buck on this? I need to take responsibility. This is my decision. I like Matthew a lot. I want to be here with him. It’s exciting and fun and adventurous and clearly worth more to me than what anyone at the firm thinks or what repercussions might come of it. Either that or I’m just acting like a dude and letting my clit make all the decisions, despite my best interests.
I tried masturbation but that just made things worse. Maybe sex with Matthew would’ve worked and gotten it out of my system, but his damn phone screwed that up.
Focus on walking in these heels!
Yes, I need to do that and focus on something else entirely. I’m already doing something stupid. If you’re doing stupid shit, you need to make sure and max out the fun. Otherwise, it defeats the whole point. Why do something idiotic, then worry about the idiotic thing you’re doing all night?
I take a deep breath and try to find some point of conversation to distract me from all the people from the law firm streaming toward the entrance of the church.
“This isn’t exactly what I pictured.”
Matthew snickers. “The church?”
Good, now you have a conversation going!
“I mean, obviously I don’t know Dominic or Mary, but I just pictured something…”
“Mary’s very religious, spiritual, I guess. This is the church she belongs to and where she volunteers a lot. Dominic too. He basically became religious because of her.”
“Really?” God, that’s so sweet. I concoct their entire courtship in my mind within a few seconds, him being a crude PI and her a naïve religious paralegal. “They sound good together.” I take another step and realize I’m still holding Matthew’s hand. “I’ve only met both of them once each, but they seem like polar opposites. How did they even end up an item?” I have to know this!
Matthew laughs. “Oh, it’s a wild story.” He glances up toward the building. “Really fucking wild, like could spend all night telling it.”
“Give me Cliff’s notes. Aren’t you a lawyer? Summarizing should be easy for you.”
That gets another laugh out of him. “Well, let’s see, Dominic used to go by Rick, a fake name. He was a wanted felon flying under the radar until he became obsessed with Mary. Started volunteering at this church just to get close to her, and then eventually made her fall in love with him, and now they’re two good little Christians getting married.”
Holy balls, it’s even better than I thought.
I stop in my tracks and turn to face him. “Stop fucking with me.”
He holds up both hands in surrender. “I swear. I told you it was wild.”
“It sounds like a damn thriller romance novel.” I think about everything it sounds like they’ve gone through, and how obsessed Dominic seems with Mary. “And very sweet in a weird way.”
This time Matthew audibly snickers. “That’s actually a perfect way of putting it. They’re both amazing friends, in their own ways, and they just work together.”
A gust of wind comes through and socks me right in the face, making my eyes water a little. Chicago has a way of constantly reminding you just how frigid it can get at any moment. I’ve always enjoyed it in the past, how it has a way of sobering you up and keeping you focused in the present. Now, I want it to leave me alone, because tonight is more like a fantasy than a reality.
Something about the story of Dominic and Mary sets me at ease a little, though. I can’t help but notice there are a lot of couples at the firm who all work together. Pretty much every single partner and most of the main players. Not that I think I could point out their hypocrisy if they judged me over dating Matthew or anything. I’m not going to pretend after working there for all of two weeks that I’m in a position to think along those lines, but from a human perspective it seems pretty relevant. And now, I’m not directly reporting to Matthew anymore.