I glanced her way, noting the look in her eyes—impatience.
I sighed and ran my hands over my face, intending to finish my email before getting into whatever it was she wanted to discuss.
It wasn’t my turn to fire another employee. I’d done it the last time.
As I typed, she lost the last of her patience and tossed the folder on the desk. “It took a simple search on the Internet to find her. Honestly, Dex, you didn’t even try.”
I stopped my typing and looked up at her.
Her right foot tapped against the carpet as she stared at me.
“I was hoping it’d be a little harder, so you didn’t have to know how much of a coward I’ve been,” I confessed.
She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall. “What are you so afraid of?”
She asked it as if it were easy to answer. As though breaking a young woman’s heart was the easiest thing to do. Like, even easier it’d be to find her and hope she could find it somewhere within her to let you in again.
My fingertips drummed on the desk before I pushed my chair away and stood. “Maybe the same thing she was afraid of—that big love. And maybe, of history repeating itself.” Maybe of not being able to save her, of being helpless to her demons. I was afraid she couldn’t forgive me for leaving her the way I did. How could she?
Tammy shook her head in disbelief. “I’ve got my brother keeping an eye on her right now. You gotta see her. This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever witnessed, and it can’t end with you never seeing her again.”
I closed my eyes, envious that right now her brother was near Noa, watching her.
Did she still have the blue hair?
God, I hoped so.
Either way, she’d still be Blue. But I’d have to face her hate to see for myself.
“Where can I find her?” I asked Tammy.
She smiled and said, “Atta boy. Everything you need to know is in that folder.”
Dexter
“I told myself I wouldn’t step in again.”
I looked up from my current position, hunched over on the floor just beside Noa’s hospital room door. Doctors and nurses walked past as I looked at the old man seated in the chair like any other person would.
Except he wasn’t a person.
The Angel of Death might’ve looked like an old man to the untrained eye. But after being caught in his web, dealing with him for years, I could tell he wasn’t of this world. Those wrinkles, the innocence in his eyes, they were all a façade.
“Can they see you?” I asked.
When a passerby looked at me and the space where I was focused on, I knew they couldn’t.
Still, he shook his head with a small smile. “Don’t make me regret this, Dexter Andrews.”
“What the hell am I supposed to do?”
“What would you do if I told you I was taking you tonight? If you had no more days left on Earth?” He sat back with a twinkle in his eye.
I knew he could, but…
We both knew that if I was living my last day, I’d find Noa.
The door opened and Miranda nearly stumbled over me. I looked over at the old man, who was invisible to the rest of the world, and he nodded.
I shoved past Miranda and walked into the room, my heart heavy as I took in a very tired and very pregnant Noa.
She opened her eyes and when she saw me, her face immediately crumpled with sadness. She put her hands over her eyes, but I marched up to her and pulled them away from her face.
I wanted to see her sadness. I wanted to see it all. And I needed to see it in order to forgive her.
“Mr. Andrews. Mr. Andrews!” Miranda was just behind me and I ignored her, placing my hand on Noa’s belly.
When I felt movement beneath my palm, I leaned my forehead against hers. “I’m sorry, Blue. Believe me when I tell you it will never happen again. I’ll never leave you alone again.” My eyes began to sting and just as I felt her hang onto me, I was being pulled away.
Noa was looking away from me, blinking back her tears.
“Is the baby okay? Just—let go of me!” I shouted as a security guard grabbed at me again. “Tell me our baby is going to be all right.”
“The baby is fine,” Miranda answered, standing in front of me so I could no longer see Noa. “Not that you’re helping, giving her added stress. Please go, Mr. Andrews. If anything changes, we’ll give you a call.”
“Miranda, please,” I whispered.
Her eyes softened, but she shook her head. “She doesn’t want to see you right now, Dex. Please respect that.”
“Why am I the only one who has to pay for shit? Why is it always me?” I shoved the security guard and turned to walk out.
“Because you’re only looking at it from your point of view,” the old man called out from his seat, his face partially covered by a dog-eared magazine.
I continued all the way to the elevator but when I pressed the button with the arrow facing down, I noticed a familiar face. There was a picture on the wall and the face beneath the glass made me blink a few times.
It’d been years since I’d seen her.
Sessie?
In memory of…
I couldn’t read the rest, my eyes blurring and a lump forming in my throat.
For a short amount of time, Secilia had been something like a guardian angel.
But, as I’d come to learn, not even angels were safe from death.
Weeks turned into a month. I never got a call. It infuriated me that I wasn’t there for Noa when she needed me. That I wasn’t there for our baby.
I had enough time to realize that I should’ve called her after she told me about Anna. That I should’ve been available to her, because it was clear she had come to look for me—likely to tell me she was pregnant.
I knew I’d always go back to Noa. I was powerless against her. She called to my soul and I had no say in the matter. Still, I stubbornly fought it. My pride and hurt got in the way and I’d regret it for the rest of my numbered days. But I took my time, letting my feelings stew.
I thought about all the times we made love, me taking her without protection like some sort of barbarian. Like she was my property, without a care for her life or her body.
She’d said she was on birth control, but I hadn’t done my part to make sure she was all right.
It made our lovemaking seem cheap. Like some kind of fuck. While we’d gone rough and fast at times, it meant something. Each touch meant everything.
I put my head down on my desk.
I came back home to Everett three weeks ago, unable to keep my life on pause.
Tammy walked into my office without knocking. “Pull yourself together, Dex,” she said, taking a seat in one of the leather chairs in front of me and crossing her legs. “I can’t watch you break down again. Twice in one year is going to kill me.”
“How do you think I feel?” I countered.
“Have you talked to Rachel since?” she asked.
I shook my head and immediately felt like shit. I never went this long without at least calling Phoebe. “The women in my life are bound and determined to run me into an early grave.”
“Not all of them,” she said as she sat up straighter. “And I told you Rachel was a little, uh…batshit crazy. I’m sure she was convinced I wanted you or something. However,” she said, finishing that thought by holding up her left hand—her wedding ring glittering impressively.