I have to follow through with the divorce.
I rub a hand over my forehead.
I’ll still be Trina Shaw when this is over, even though I now wish that I had changed my surname to Locke so I could have been Trina Locke even for a brief moment in time.
I move to sit up just as I hear a soft knock on my apartment door.
I want Graham to be on the other side of it. I want him to scoop me into his arms and tell me that we’ll get through this together, but I doubt it’s him.
He hasn’t tried to call or text me other than the brief voicemail he left me hours ago.
I can’t blame him for giving up. I didn’t respond to him.
It breaks my heart to think that he must feel as though I’ve abandoned him just as so many people have.
The person at my door knocks harder.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed and push up until I’m standing.
Straightening the front of my blouse and skirt, I walk out of my bedroom, just as an even louder knock sounds through my apartment.
I swing open the door.
“Trina, I don’t feel well,” Aurora mutters before she tumbles forward and into my arms.
“I’m feeling better,” Aurora whispers. “It’s probably just food poisoning. I had take-out tonight. Maybe that’s what it is.”
I lead her through the sliding doors of the emergency department at Lennox Hill Hospital.
After she showed up at my apartment door and almost fainted, I sat her on my couch with a glass of water.
She felt nauseous as soon as she had a sip. As she ran to my bathroom, I ordered an Uber, and we headed out together.
My sister, Shirley, had food poisoning once and ended up in the hospital for three days. Being proactive can’t hurt. If anything, a doctor can give Aurora something to calm her stomach enough that she can at least keep fluids in.
“I can call Eldon and your parents,” I offer as we approach the reception desk. “Do you want me to do that?”
“My folks are driving home from a wedding in Indiana. They’re sightseeing along the way. They won’t be back for another two days.” She glances at me. “Let’s wait to call Eldon. His shift ends in a couple of hours. I don’t want him to think he has to rush here because I have a stomach ache.”
I offer her a smile. “We’ll wait.”
“If you need to be somewhere, I can wait alone.”
The only place I need to be is in my bed crying my eyes out.
I squeeze her hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Thank you for this, Trina.”
“Anything for you.” I pull her into a side embrace. “I’m here for as long as you need me.”
I mean it.
My life may be in tattered ruins right now, but I will stay in this hospital for as long as Aurora needs me to. Maybe by the time she’s discharged, I will have figured out what my next step should be.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Graham
“I’m Dr. Morgan.” The man standing in front of me extends a hand. “Gaines Morgan.”
I take his hand in mine. “Graham Locke. It’s good to meet you.”
I glance past him to where Lloyd is resting. He’s been transferred to the cardiac care unit. The doctor in the emergency department assured me that Lloyd would be in the hands of one of the best cardiologists in the city.
I assume I’m talking to him.
“Is this the end?” I blurt out. “He told me he doesn’t have long to live. Will I get a few minutes with him to say goodbye?”
Dr. Morgan rubs a hand over his chin. “Lloyd told me the same thing. He’s mistaken.”
Shaking my head, I try and absorb what he just said. “I don’t understand.”
“I spoke with his cardiologist in Paris.”
“You did?”
“Briefly.” He chuckles. “I got him out of bed. He happens to be an old friend of a friend.”
I rake a hand through my hair. “What did he tell you?”
He crosses his arms over his chest. “One of the arteries in Lloyd’s heart has narrowed. To repair that, we need to insert a cardiac stent in the artery. That will open it and allow the blood to flow freely.”
I move slightly to the left to get a better view of Lloyd. “He knew that before he left Paris?”
“He’s known that for some time.”
“Why was he waiting to have it done?” I try and make sense of it all. “It’s a fairly straightforward procedure, isn’t it? The mother of a friend of mine had it done a few years ago.”
“It’s very straightforward.”
“What the hell?” I fist my hands at my sides. “I’m missing something here. He told me his heart wasn’t going to last much longer. He made it sound as though he had only a few months to live.”
Dr. Morgan’s hand jumps to my shoulder. “Lloyd believes all of that. He didn’t hear it from a doctor. His heart is telling him that.”
I shake my head. “What?”
“Mr. Abdon has a broken heart.” He lowers his voice. “I’ve seen this before. It’s not uncommon after devastating losses.”
I swallow to contain my emotion. “His wife’s death…”
“Has been more than he can bear,” he goes on, “Lloyd doesn’t feel hopeful. He is in deep emotional pain, and to him, even this simple procedure seems unnecessary.”
“He wants to die?”
He steps back. “It’s not a conscious decision. He’s given up. He’s experiencing a level of grief that is impossible for most people to grasp.”
I silently curse myself for not seeing this. I didn’t comprehend the depth of Lloyd’s struggle after Sela’s death.
“He was distraught before I sedated him,” he goes on, “Lloyd wanted out of here so he could get to the scattering garden before sunset. I told him the sun had set hours ago, but he wanted me to call him a car to take him to New Jersey.”
I stare at him. “He wanted to go to New Jersey?”
“To the memorial park,” he says it as though I’m completely aware of what the hell he’s talking about. “My grandfather is in that same scattering garden. It’s a beautiful place, isn’t it?”
After Sela’s funeral, Lloyd explained that she wanted her ashes spread in a special spot. She also wanted to live out their last days in Paris. They never had time to make that a reality, which is why Lloyd was insistent on moving to France. He told me he wanted to make her wish come true. I assumed that’s where he spread her ashes.
I take a stab in the dark. “Sela is there too.”
He nods. “And LJ. I can’t fathom the pain of losing a child. Lloyd spoke about his son with such reverence and grace. He sounds like he was an amazing young man.”
“What’s our next step?” I ask Dr. Morgan when he comes back into Lloyd’s room.
Another doctor called him out into the corridor, but he assured me with a pat on my back that he’d be back within ten minutes.
A glance at my watch tells me he’s a man of his word. Only eight minutes have passed.