“She must be sick. She asked what time is convenient for me.”
“I’ll stick around. I can always interrupt if she gets too out of line.”
“I think I can manage it.” Three weeks before, Deanna had been beating her to a pulp emotionally on a daily basis. “But thank you. I wonder if something’s wrong. Maybe she and David are having problems.” She couldn’t imagine any other reason for Deanna to sound so civil. Something had to be wrong. She sounded almost humble.
She came promptly at five-forty-five, looking very trim and chic as usual in a black linen dress with wide white cuffs and high-heeled sandals, and her dark hair in a tight bun, looking serious. She walked into her mother’s office and didn’t sit down. Penny was still in her office next door, and hadn’t left yet intentionally. She didn’t trust Deanna for a minute.
“I just came to see how you are,” she said hesitantly as Maddie waved her to a chair.
“Are you okay? Everything all right with you and David?”
“Of course. Why?” She looked shocked.
“You seemed very quiet on the phone,” she didn’t want to say that Deanna had never had the courtesy to call before dropping by before. It was a first.
“No, we’re fine,” she said as she slid onto a chair facing her mother’s desk. Deanna hadn’t hugged her mother when she walked in, which wasn’t unusual for her. She was the least affectionate of Maddie’s children, and was even that way with her own. “The last few weeks have been kind of a shock. You’ve never cut me off before. You just left. You didn’t say anything. You didn’t take my calls. You’ve never done anything like that.” Her eyes filled with tears as she said it, and her lip trembled, and Maddie felt sorry for her. She had brought it on herself, but Deanna didn’t understand that. She had no concept of her effect on others. She had been brutal with her mother, and Maddie felt that her lack of communication had been warranted, to protect herself.
“I know I was hard on you when you broke your ankle, but I was worried about you. I didn’t want you to get hurt again.” In the meantime, Deanna’s brother had given her hell and hadn’t minced words telling her what he thought of her, and how badly she had upset their mother. “I don’t want you falling down the stairs one night and killing yourself.”
“I know, my being on the ladder was damn stupid, but I can still manage on my own. I’m not ready for assisted living yet.”
“I know. I was wrong to say that. Ben told me. David was pissed at me too. He said I was too harsh, and I guess I was. I didn’t mean to drive you across the country on some crazy trip.” She obviously felt guilty about it.
“You didn’t. I’ve been wanting to do that for years. I’m glad I went. It was good for me in a lot of ways.” Maddie looked confident and in control again and was gracious with Deanna.
“Ben says you’re lonely,” Deanna said softly, still shocked at the idea if it was true. She never saw that side of her mother or her vulnerability. She only saw her strength, which was what Maddie chose to show her.
“Sometimes I am lonely,” she admitted for the first time. “You all have your own lives, as you should. And I’ve been alone for a long time. Most of the time I like it. Sometimes I don’t. But your words hit me hard. No one can hurt you like your kids.” She smiled at her daughter, no longer angry at her. She felt strong and centered again.
“Do you want to get married again?” Deanna looked anxious at the idea. “Is that why you went to see Andy Wyatt?…I’m sorry about him by the way. Ben told me.”
“Thank you. I don’t think I’d have married him, even if he’d been alive when I got there. All the same things were still true. He wanted a life in the wilds of Wyoming. I didn’t. I roam all over the world, but home is here.” Deanna nodded, reassured. It had been a strange feeling being out of touch with her mother for all these weeks, and she didn’t like it. “But I’m not ready for an alarm around my neck either. Give me a few years.” Maddie smiled and felt better than she had in years, and younger, and Deanna could see it. She had dropped ten years on the trip.
“I missed you,” Deanna said softly, and Maddie got up from her desk, came over and hugged her. “When Ben said you had run away, and probably because of me, I felt terrible. David gave me hell for that too. I know you’re not ready for any of the things I suggested, I just thought you should be prepared.”
“That’s a lot more preparation than I’m ready for,” Maddie said. It reminded her of what William had said, that you should never prepare for old age, just let it happen and deal with it when it does. “Maybe I’ll get lucky and just keel over one day, while I’m still busy and having fun. I’d rather go that way than with an alarm around my neck. I’ll just use the fire pole when I can’t manage the stairs anymore.”
“Ben said you would.” Deanna smiled. “I always hated how different you were from other mothers when I was growing up. Now I think maybe I liked it, or I should have.”
“That’s lucky, because I don’t think I’m ever going to learn how to be like everyone else,” Maddie said with a smile.
“I wouldn’t want you to be,” Deanna said, which was possibly the nicest thing she had ever said to her. She left a little while later after they hugged again, and Penny stuck her head in Maddie’s office after Deanna was gone.
“How was that?”
“Nice actually. She said she missed me while I was away. I think I scared the hell out of her when I left and cut her off.”
“She ripped my head off every time I told her I didn’t know where you were,” Penny said and they both laughed. But Maddie was proud of Deanna for coming to see her and apologizing. She had never done that before.
Penny left for the night a few minutes later, and Maddie called William and told him about Deanna’s visit. Maddie running away from everything had woken her up. She had been meek as a lamb. The one thing that Maddie hadn’t done was tell Deanna about William. She wasn’t ready to yet. She didn’t know where it was going and she didn’t want to deal with Deanna’s reaction. She hadn’t told the others either. Only Penny knew.
She admitted to William that it felt good to be back but she missed him too. And he sounded pleased to hear it.
They talked about her schedule for the next few weeks, and she told him about the free week after Shanghai, when she could meet him in Hong Kong, with the caveat that either her New Delhi or her Pakistan trips could preempt the free week closer to the time. But if not, they could have a week together in Hong Kong, and then she had to fly to Paris.