My bedroom door pushes open, and he staggers inside. I refuse to open my eyes, but I can hear him as he stumbles up to my bed and crashes down onto it, as he does.
He nestles up into the mattress, breathing softly by my side. My muscles are bunched up tight while I lie still, subtly cracking my eyes open. His back is to me, but I’m immediately on edge at what he’s wearing… Or what he isn’t.
He’s in only boxer briefs. The ones he wears, like mine, fitted and hugging the slim curves of his hips. Except that where mine are usually plain black or gray, his are bright green and decorated with candy canes.
Swallowing becomes difficult as I stare at his back and shoulders, the lines of pale skin glowing in the dimmed light. He’s curled up into a ball, and even though the room is barely lit, I can see goosebumps sheeting his flesh.
Without thinking, I lift the comforter I’m under and drape it over him, covering his body and shielding him from the cold. But now we’re only inches apart, and I can feel his closeness; smell his scent, like sweet baked goods and the Dove for Men soap he uses.
My mouth is watering, and it’s so fucking confusing I feel sick. He’s my kid… Not some toy delivered to me as a secret, torrid little Christmas gift.
Confusing… This is so confusing.
Why am I thinking about how his soft skin would feel beneath my fingers? Why am I remembering how it stole every ounce of breath from my body when I pressed my erection into his earlier?
Why why why…
Why do I reach out and touch him… just a little. Just the slope of his plump bicep… down the line of his long arm and onto his waist.
Inching closer, I rest my head on the pillow behind his, inhaling the scent of his silky hair. He always smells like vanilla frosting.
But I’ve never wanted a taste before today.
This is so wrong. So so fucking wrong…
My chest brushes his back, and my nipples harden beneath my t-shirt. I have an overwhelming urge to rip it off and feel more… flesh to flesh.
I’m unleashed… I’ve fallen off the goddamn deep end as my fingers graze his hip, the dip right before an ass so firm and round, there’s no way it belongs to a guy, let alone my…
No. I’m not even gonna think it.
But I know it. Regardless of whether I want to admit it, I know who he is to me. Yet my dick is filling rapidly, stiffening in my sweatpants and begging to get a little closer. A deep breath would urge it up to the crack of his ass beneath those boxers.
I shiver, disgusted with myself. But I can’t stop.
I can’t move away, like I know I should. My fingers slide down onto a slim yet muscular thigh, dusted in light hair. My balls draw up tight at the feel of a man… His shape so obviously not female in this moment, it should turn me off, not more on.
Fuck me, what am I doing??
I need to stop this.
But before I can, Jesse’s ass shifts, his back arching as he bumps his butt into my crotch. The curve drags the length of my erection, and I whimper, biting my lip to quiet myself.
He’s… moving. Writhing into me, slowly. So slowly, it’s like a sensual dance.
I’m crumbling where I lie in a bed of stifling heat.
“Jess…” I breathe, my voice barely existent. Nothing but a hoarse rumble of vibration from my chest into his back. “Are you awake?”
He nestles deeper into the bed, further into my front. And he nods.
Fuck.
I don’t know what to do. I can barely move.
I should be leaping out of this bed and running as far away from what’s happening as possible. But my body won’t react to what my brain is telling me to do.
It’s acting on its own.
He urges his hips back into me again, my cock weeping in my pants as he grinds on me in leisurely strokes, quivering as he goes. My shaky fingers grip his hip, as if to stop him. But I end up cupping the side of his ass, squeezing and caressing, greedy for more of this delicious friction; this forbidden sensation that’s weighting my chest and melting me to him.
I can’t stop touching. I can’t stop… wanting more.
More more more.
My lips ease up to the nape of his neck, and he quakes, an audibly sharp hiss of breath escaping him.
Resting my forehead on his shoulder, I mumble, “This is so wrong… You’re practically my—”
“But I’m not,” he finally speaks, his smooth, raspy voice gracing my ears like a sweet melody. “I’m just a man you’ve known since he was a boy.” My breath flutters on his flesh, and he hums. “But I’m not a boy anymore, James. I’m a man. A man who wants… more.”
More.
My fingertips trace the waistband of his boxers. “I’ve never been interested in men…”
“Why not?” His ass rubs my erection again.
I chomp down on my lower lip.
Good question.
Chapter 10
Jesse
* * *
I’m living in a dream.
It’s the only explanation.
The last thing I remember, I’d gone to bed. Depressed, confused and lonely, fearing that my lustful obsession had desecrated the only peace I’ve ever known.
And then I woke up in James’s bed.
With his hands on me, his body warming mine in a sheet of needy tingles, his soft panting filling my brain.
When I came to, I was shocked. I’m not sure how I even ended up here. But the even weirder thing is that James didn’t seem surprised at all by my presence in his bed. In fact, it seemed like something he was waiting for.
Had he wanted me to come to him the whole time?
Was him telling me to go to Tanner’s a test?
That doesn’t seem like something he would do, but now I can’t be sure. Because he’s doing a whole mess of things right now that I never expected him to do in a million years.
Like gripping my ass in his strong hands, helping me move it gradually against the long, thick shape of him.
I can feel it throbbing between the crack of my ass even through the fabric that separates us. And I’m going out of my mind.
James runs his lips gently along the nape of my neck while he holds me, thrusting into me, still with hesitation, though I think he’s abandoned his rationalizations.
It’s good… I want him to forget what we are, just for right now.
I’ve been craving this for years, and I don’t want him to snap back into reality. I can’t lose this feeling.
He pulls his hands away just long enough to tug his t-shirt over his head, then returns to me, the warmth of his flesh and all those muscles molding into my back.
Exhaling a shaky breath, my eyelids flutter. I can’t believe this is happening. I feel like I’m drunk, dizzy and completely unaware of everything outside of this bed. My cock is stiff, aching between my legs as I bring a hand to it, palming myself while he palms my ass.
His fingers slink into the waistband of my boxers, pushing them down just a bit as he squeezes my hip. Reaching back, my hand covers his, and I use it to push them down further.
“Jesse…” he murmurs breathlessly, his voice nothing but a deep shudder that comes directly from his chest. “We shouldn’t…”
I bite my lip, hard. Because his words definitely aren’t reflecting his actions as he tugs my boxers down another inch.