“I don’t know why I felt this need to separate my relationship with Dad and Mom in regard to you. I was jealous. You had a mom who wanted you, and then another mom who adopted you. Your dad was biologically yours. Mine never wanted anything to do with me.” He pauses, moving his attention from me. The pain in his voice at the mention of our parents is something I’m familiar with. It’s a similarity that will always live within us. He reaches his hand to mine. My guess would be simply for comfort, but as soon as I ready myself for it, he pulls away. Clearing his voice, he continues. “Sure, as a kid, I thought you were the worst. But as we got older, I wanted to be your stepbrother. A strong sibling bond, but every moment I’d continue to degrade you, I couldn’t get back on track. You used to follow me everywhere I went, and I hated it. Then as you got older, and well” —he gives a nervous laugh— “and changed, that summer with Tanya’s parents, all my friends went from hating you to wanting in your pants. I felt this need to protect you, even though I’d always thought you were a thorn in my side.”
I miss everything he says up to this point. “Um, hold up. Your friends liked me?”
He closes his eyes, a sly smile crawling up his face, his dimples like sexy craters I want to be lost in. It makes him look almost human in a bad boy kind of way. “And that’s all you took from my admission.” I continue my stare, and he’d been around me enough, even when he ignored me, to understand I’d not let the subject go. “Okay, okay. I’ll give you the answer. I said they wanted to bang you. Because you turned from nerd to hot in three fucking months.”
I’d known physically I’d changed. I’d begged Grandma to take me to an eye doctor for contacts. I went from non-existent with my boobs to a C cup. My hips and ass had widened a bit because I had to go up a size in my jeans, but my waist was still as thin as it had always been. But I’ve never looked in the mirror and saw a hot girl, not like the ones River would go out with once, bang, and then would be on to his next conquest.
“Why are you turning red, Kenz?” he asks, leaning up against the side of the bed railing next to me. I haven’t realized I had until I touch my face. I can feel the heat now.
“I guess I never saw myself as you just described. I’ve always been the nerd with glasses, head in a book. Is that why all your friends started hanging out at the house?”
He nods his head. “Wow, well, I still don’t see it, but…”
“I do,” he says, in barely a whisper.
“What?” My return doesn’t meet his barely audible remark.
“Oh, come on, Kenzie. My friends are sleazes. I may be one of those types of guys, in it for the pussy and blow jobs, but I’d never let a man disrespect you like that. Dad would have had my ass, first of all, and well….”
“Well, what?” I ask. Did he want to be the first one?
“You deserved better. You’re a different kind of person, not one who should be screwed senseless or tossed out once you’ve fulfilled a need.”
This time, I let out a long cackle. “And those girls you simply fucked deserved that?”
He gives me a shrug of his shoulders. “They didn’t have a brother at home, threatening a punk like myself. But for me, those girls were a need, and a need alone.”
“Now your real colors show.” My retort has a punch in the words I use. With the tone of my pitch, he lowers his chin to his chest.
“Yeah, I’ve been a real dick. And karma has come back to bite me in the ass for all the shit I’ve done. Maybe, just maybe, it’s why Mom and Dad are gone, to prove to me that all the people I’ve hurt in the past have feelings, too; I know it’s a fucked-up way to look at things, but…”
I don’t hesitate as my hand finds his on the floor of my room. “That is fucked up, River. It may even be a little narcissistic, too, but we’ll skip that part for now.” I give his hand a squeeze, moving my free hand to his chin. “Riv, neither one of us is to blame. Hell, even Isaiah isn’t at fault for where we are right now. It’s the fucker who killed our parents. It’s his fault and no one else’s.”
Tears flow down his face. Honestly, I think it may be the first time he’s cried since the night of Mom and Dad’s death.
He pulls me into his space, my head resting on his shoulder. “I have no one, Kenz. No one. Mom’s parents died years ago. Dad’s parents have always been a bit detached. I’ve never known my biological father and probably never will. I’m alone.”
I slug his thigh and let out a giggle, if for no other reason than to break the sadness in the room.
“Oh, shit, you don’t slug like a girl. You hit hard—the fucker hurt.” His tone matches my little giggle.
“You stuck up for me with Isaiah tonight. Told him never to talk to me in that way. It was almost brotherly.”
He tilts his head enough where I can see the expression on his face. His beautiful face, eyes so much like our mother’s. “Yeah, about that. Do you think it’s too late to really be your brother? Stepbrother, adoptive brother. I don’t know what’s the right term. I always thought I was this tough guy, but I need a link to Mom and Dad. And I think you may need me just as much as I need you.”
I can’t pinpoint what his words do to my body in this split second, but I know I need him. He’s right—he’s the link I have to Mom and Dad. But somehow, my body reacts in a completely different way than I expect. There’s dampness between my legs. His hand squeezes mine, and a flutter in my belly I’ve never experienced is unexpected. This isn’t brotherly at all, and somehow, I really want to explore it more.
Chapter 7
River
She looks nothing like Dad. I’ve seen the pictures of her first mother before, and sure enough, putting the photos side by side, many would think Tanya and Kenzie are twins. I guess, with her not resembling Dad, and with the glint in her eyes, with the slight smile covering her face, I understand she affects my body more than I care to admit. And with the way her head still sits on my shoulder, I can see down to the cleavage of her V-neck t-shirt. Fuck, her bra is a deep purple. Yeah, I’ve fucked girls, but never has the warmth filled my heart for another. I never entirely understood why. I thought I was wired differently, or maybe Isaiah had broken my heart, to disrepair. But back to Kenz, it makes me think things I have no fucking business thinking of the girl I was raised with as siblings.
“Uh, Kenz, I better get back to my room for the night.” I have to run, or I’ll sure as fuck do something I may regret. I say may because her plump lips so close to me has me thinking my conscience could go fifty/fifty.
“Yeah, okay, Riv. And I mean it. I’d like to start fresh. You and I. Brother and sister. If you’re up to it?”
I want to start something. But the idea of someone with Kenzie has the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. Dad may just come back and haunt me if I were to deflower his little girl.
It has me rethinking the rule, which was merely there for me to break, to begin with. So, without a thought, I have never been one to follow them either. I move down the hallway leading to the staircase that splits, the other side belonging to Isaiah. I know exactly where his room is and find myself banging on his bedroom door thirty seconds later.