“It wouldn’t be the same.” When she said nothing to this he added, “These items are priceless to me, Jane, because you made them.”
Her features hardened as irritation stole into her eyes. “You simply can’t help yourself, can you?”
Caught off guard by her cool remark, he frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Flirting. Compliments drip from your lips like honey until your mark is under your spell. I’ve seen you do it and very nearly fell for it myself. Only your end goal has nothing to do with engaging in proper courtship, but rather with feeding your own ego.” Abruptly she stood so he did as well. “Find someone else to amuse yourself with while you’re here. I’ve a Christmas pudding to make.”
His hand reached out in desperation, latching onto her arm and halting her progress. “I know that is how you perceive me but… Jane, I care for you more than I can say and dearly wish you might return the sentiment, if only a little.”
Fathomless eyes gazed back into his. A sad smile whispered across her lips. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have that much courage.”
Clamping down the instinct to pull her into his arms and kiss her, he dropped his hand. Knowing Jane, she wouldn’t see it as proof of his affection but rather as a stubborn attempt at seduction. Indeed, when it came to her, he had to use a gentler approach.
Edward waited until she was gone before setting his mind to that very task. The words she’d spoken had struck a chord deep within him, alerting him to one simple truth: it wasn’t that she could not love him in return, but rather that she refused to for fear of getting hurt. Which clearly meant he’d have to not only prove himself worthy, but steadfast in his commitment to her.
When Jane returned to her bedchamber later after infusing the Christmas cake she’d worked on with all her uncertainties and frustrations, she found a note shoved under the door. Stooping, she picked it up and unfolded the creased piece of paper, her traitorous heart fluttering madly the moment she realized it was from Edward.
* * *
I know you have your reservations, but in light of the yuletide spirit, I hope you’ll not reject my invitation to walk to the village with me in the morning. As I recall, there’s a particular china shop there that you always liked browsing.
With hope,
Edward
* * *
Jane bit her lip while pondering what to do. He was trying to bridge the distance between them, but to what end? She wasn’t sure what he hoped to accomplish besides attempting to rid himself of the feeling of being unwanted.
Except she did want him. Had done so for years. She just didn’t trust him to want her in equal measure. Love, marriage, and a happily ever after were not the sorts of things one could expect from a man like Edward, who’d always basked in the pleasure of being desired. When he’d nearly kissed her two years ago on Christmas Eve, she’d almost heard wedding bells ringing, until the liquor upon his breath as he laughingly told her he’d finally caught her brought reality crashing over her head.
To him it was but a game, and yet, perhaps now that she saw him for who he really was, she would be safe from his charms. Not to mention, refusing the olive branch he extended would make her the worst curmudgeon ever. And that would not do at all with Christmas around the corner.
“I thought you hated walking,” she told him when they set off the next day after breakfast. “As I recall, you always wondered why anyone would willingly choose to move along at such a slow pace if they had the means to ride instead.”
“Quite,” he agreed, “but you enjoy a good stroll, Jane, so here we are. Walking.”
Baffled by his response, she glanced at him and was instantly dazzled by the smile he gave her. She blinked and turned her gaze back toward the rooflines she glimpsed in the distance. “Is this what this is? An attempt to please me?”
He sighed. “It has occurred to me that I’ve been selfish.”
Jane immediately straightened. A self–deprecating Edward was as rare as a shooting star. “Oh?”
“I saw you as a conquest when we last met, but not in the way you think. Truth is, I’ve never been good with expressing myself, so when I decided to try and steer things between us in a romantic direction, I drank several glasses of brandy beforehand just to build up the nerve. And then I bungled it all by playing the rogue, for which I’d like to apologize profusely.”
“I…um…thank you.” She scarcely knew how to respond short of gaping at him like an idiot.
“Your brother was most displeased by my effort and by your reaction. As I would have been had I been in his place.” He cast her a humorless smile. “It took me two years to convince him to give me another chance, though I’m not sure I’m doing much better this time around.”
“Your apology and explanation just now certainly go a long way,” she told him after a moment’s reflection. “I just don’t understand why you wish to pursue me when a) you know you risk losing your best friend over it and b) I am the antithesis of what you’ve always gone after, namely brief dalliances and superficial flirtations.”
Catching her by the elbow, he drew her to a halt, then turned her toward him. “In answer to a) I would risk everything I hold dear for the chance to make you mine and with regard to b) all other woman I’ve known have been nothing more than brief stops on my way to you."
Her lips parted ever so slightly, her gaze searching his with undeniable hope. "I want to believe that Edward, but instinct warns me to be careful."
Her desire to place her faith in him gave him hope. More importantly, it made his heart swell with the underlying suggestion that she wanted more from him than friendship, but that she feared he’d let her down.
Deciding to proceed with caution, he offered his arm. "There's no rush on my part, Jane. I'll wait for you as long as it takes."
The Stuart ballroom was strung with garlands wrapped in red ribbon and sparkling crystals. Light falling from two chandeliers cast a magical glow upon the guests while a gay tune set the pace for the country dance presently underway.
Desperate to rest her feet and to cool down a little after engaging in five consecutive dances, Jane snuck from the room and made her way to a private balcony at the side of the house.
For the last few days, Edward had been charming and considerate toward her. He'd shown genuine concern when she'd fallen while skating on the lake and had stayed by her side after, reading to her from Pride and Prejudice even though he'd always claimed to dislike romantic novels.
Tonight, when she’d prepared for the ball, she had to admit she'd done so with him in mind. Little by little, during the course of the past week, he'd torn down her defenses, though she could not say she was sorry. The pleasure in his eyes when she'd entered the ballroom this evening was worth the risk of vulnerability and heartache.
She exited into the crisp night air and expelled a misty breath. Overhead, a canopy of twinkling stars shimmered against an ink black sky. Crossing to the railing, she gazed up at the luminous moon.
"Do you mind if I join you?" Edward asked, his voice a whisper from behind her.