“Sure.” I get up and give her a hug, ignoring the fact that she’s mad at me for not letting her interrogate Tanner. As much as I love her, it’s not her place. “Call me tomorrow and let me know when you’re going to the hospital, and I’ll go with you or meet you there.”
“All right.” She stoops to kiss Earl’s cheek, then waves at Tanner before heading for her car.
“She’s just protective of you,” Earl says, and I pull my eyes off Jade’s car as she drives down my lane and focus on him. “And my guess is she’s scared you’re going to move away.”
“I know.” I sigh, watching him get up.
“Do you want me to help you clean up?”
“No, there isn’t much to do,” I assure him, and he comes over to give me a hug, then pats Tanner’s shoulder before wandering to his truck and getting in. When he drives off, I look at Tanner and wait for him to say something—anything—but he doesn’t.
Annoyed, or maybe hurt by his lack of communication, I pick up the glasses on the table and take them inside, then start to go back out to get the rest of the dishes, but Tanner walks in with them. “Thanks.” I take them from him and put everything into the dishwasher while he stands with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the counter.
“Cybil.”
“Yeah?” I wait for him to say something, but instead, he shakes his head.
“Nothing, never mind.”
“Right.” I grab a couple of Tylenols for the headache I feel coming on and swallow them down, with Tanner watching me. “I think I’m going to head to bed early and maybe watch some TV.”
“I’ll meet you in there in a bit. I’m gonna make a couple of phone calls,” he says, and I nod, then go down the hall to my room, where I change into a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top, brush my teeth, and get into bed.
With the TV on, I lie in the dark, trying to figure out what to do. I feel like this whole thing with him and his job is hanging over our relationship, and with him not wanting to talk to me about it, I can only assume I’m somehow responsible for what went down.
“Screw this.” I toss back the covers and get out of bed, deciding that one way or another, I’m going to get him to open up. After grabbing my sweater, I open the door and start to head down the hall but stop when I hear him talking to someone.
“You think I like this any more than you, man? Fuck! You of all people know that starting Live Life was a dream for me, but I won’t choose between Cybil and that.” He pauses as I get closer, and I know I should make my presence known, but my mouth has gone dry. “I don’t give a fuck. That’s on him; that’s not on me. He needs to get his shit together.” Another long pause. “Right, well, let me know what the lawyer says, and we’ll talk after that. Later, brother.” He hangs up and turns toward me, putting his cell phone into his pocket.
As his haunted gaze meets mine, my stomach rolls and my legs start to feel weak. “You’re selling because of me.” I knew that, or I thought I did, but having it confirmed feels like a knife to the gut.
“Not just you.”
“Really?” I tip my head to the side while wrapping my arms around my waist. “So if we didn’t meet, you were planning on offering up your portion to Blake and Maverick?”
“No.”
His simple answers to my questions make me want to shake him.
“So, what is it? Are you selling because of me, or because you decided that it’s no longer your dream and you now want to be on the first trip to Mars?”
“Don’t be a smart-ass, Cybil.”
“Don’t be a liar, Tanner.” I shake my head, realizing everything that’s against us and all he would be giving up because of me. I know he might think he’s made the right decision now, but in a week, a month, or a few years, he’s going to end up resenting me. I just can’t stand the thought of that. I mean, look what happened with Galvin, who was living a lie and dragging me along for a ride I didn’t know I was on. And in the end I was the one who got hurt. “I can’t do this.”
“What?” He takes a step toward me, and I hold up my hand to ward him off.
“I mean, I can’t do this. I don’t know what I was thinking, or maybe I wasn’t thinking.” I want to shove the words back in my mouth as soon as they’re out, but I need to end this before it’s too late, before he throws away everything he’s worked for, and before I fall any deeper in love with him. Shit, I love him—the realization makes my chest hurt and the lie I spit out taste bitter. “We don’t work. This”—I motion between us—“is never going to work.”
“Don’t do this, Cybil,” he bites out, and I swallow.
“You know I’m right.”
“What I know is that you think you’re protecting me, when you’re not. You’re just pissing me off.”
“No, I’m being realistic,” I say quietly, ignoring the fact that my throat is starting to burn. “You need to go back to Montana, and I need to get back to my life here.”
“All right.” He crosses his arms over his chest and leans back like he’s settling in. “If you’re set on doing this, I want you to give me one good reason why I should walk away.”
I stare at him, my mind scrambling for something, anything, but it’s difficult, especially when I thought he would just leave.
“I’m waiting.”
“You eat meat,” I blurt out, the first thing that comes to mind, and he laughs.
No, he doesn’t just laugh. His head falls back on his shoulders and he roars his amusement.
“This is not funny.”
“Yes, it is.” He shakes his head, still chuckling. “Okay, so what else?”
What else? There’s nothing else, and that was hard enough to come up with. “You said one thing.”
“Your one thing was lame, so unless you can come up with something else, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Why are you making this so difficult?” I stomp my foot like I’m a three-year-old not getting her way, and he grins.
“Because what we have is worth it, and I know you’ll end up regretting ending things about five minutes after I walk out the door, because you’re in love with me.”
I gasp and take a step back. “I don’t love you.”
“You’re really on a roll tonight. First, you try to break up with me, then you lie to my face.” He makes a tsk-tsk sound while shaking his finger back and forth. “You love me, Cybil, and just because you’re not willing to admit it out loud doesn’t make it any less true.” His arms fall to his sides, and he steps toward me. “We’re not breaking up, and I’m not going anywhere unless you’re going with me.”
“Tanner.” Tears cloud my vision as he wraps his hand around the side of my neck, the other around my hip. “You . . .” I swallow hard. “You giving up your dream because of me is too heavy a weight for me to carry around on my shoulders, especially when we hardly know each other.”
“Sunshine, if I don’t have you, none of the other shit will even matter, and yeah, we are still getting to know each other, but time isn’t going to change how I feel about you,” he says gently, urging me closer until my body is pressed against his. “I love that you want to protect me, but I know what I want and what I need.” Both his hands grasp my face as he cups my jaw. “We have enough to deal with, and a lot of shit to figure out, so let’s not make things more complicated than they already are by fighting.”