"A glade full of friendly deer and pissy wolves?"
He scowls at me. "Ruined temples. Furious conmac." His jaw clenches. "I feel very, very guilty, and it is not something I have expected to feel." Kassam leans closer to me. "I can feel them all watching me. They stare at me as if they are waiting for me to disappear again. I know this, and I know they have a reason to fear it, and it still makes me feel…very, very bad."
I take his hand in mine, lacing my fingers with his. "Don't you think that's maybe the point?" At Kassam's glare, I continue. "You were sent to the mortal realm for a reason, remember? You told me the High Father cast out the gods when he felt they needed to learn a lesson. I'm guessing this is part of the lesson you're supposed to learn."
"What guilt feels like?" he grumbles.
"Not just that. Maybe you're supposed to realize that actions have consequences. That you can't always push to get your way and expect everyone to be happy with it. Maybe you're supposed to realize that if you want your followers to love you—the human ones," I correct, gently nudging my hip against a too-friendly doe. "If you want them to love you, you need to be there for them. You need to appreciate them."
"I do not like learning lessons," he admits, his tone sullen. "It does not feel good."
"It never does, but it's valuable to learn so you won't do it again in the future." I give his hand a squeeze. "So you need to acknowledge the guilt, and the sadness, and remember this so you can be a better god of the wild when you return to your home. Understand?"
Kassam looks over at me, and his expression is bleak as he searches my face. "They could have killed you to send me home. I realized that when I saw you in the temple, covered in blood. They could have killed you and I would have been powerless to stop it. That terrifies me."
I'm stunned at his words. He was worried about me? That's why he's in such a shitty mood? It's not just guilt driving him—it's realizing that I was in very real danger and he would have been too late to do anything about it. My sunshine nature god is realizing that this is a big deal, finally. That this isn't just a fun, hedonistic lark through the woods. That I could die, and the conmac could be cursed forever, and that there are real consequences.
I feel a little sorry for him, but I'm also glad he's figuring this out. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think they would have killed me. They know I belong to you and if they want you to turn them back, they probably don't want to piss you off."
"Or they're too lost in their wolf minds to think about such things, and I arrived just in time before instinct told them to eat a very tasty prize," he grumbles.
I'm pretty sure the conmac are more “there” than he's giving them credit for. When I look at them, I see wolves, true, but I also see an otherworldly intelligence. I think about how the one bit me just enough to make me release my belt. There's still a human mind in there.
Or wait, fae.
Kassam looks so glum that it makes me ache. Impulsively, I stand on my tiptoes and tug him down, just enough to kiss his cheek.
He gives me a surprised look. "Why did you do that?"
"Because you're sweet. And because you seemed to need it."
He thinks for a long moment and then asks, "Can I have a hug?"
My heart melts. I know he's joked a dozen times that gods don't feel anything for mortals, but this mortal is definitely starting to catch some feelings for this god. I release his hand and hold my arms out. "Of course you can have a hug."
Kassam moves into my embrace, hugging me tightly and wrapping his big arms around me. He's naked—always naked—and for a moment I think it might be a come on, that he's just pulling me in close because he wants to get me naked. But then he sighs with contentment, his head dropping to rest against mine and he just…holds me.
And I hold him.
And…it's lovely. It's nice to just hug one another, to just breathe in each other's skin and share space, comforting with simple touches. I rub my hands up and down his back, murmuring soft words. I tell him that it'll be okay. That everything will work out. That I'm right here at his side.
"I am home, but I still feel lost," he confesses, his breath teasing my hair.
I run my hand up his spine. "I'm here with you. We'll figure this out together, I promise. You're not alone in this."
Kassam pulls out of the hug, his arms still around me. He gazes down at me, and his normally laughing face is somber. "I would be lost without you, little light."
"You'd be fine," I say automatically. "Anyone would be willing to be your anchor. I hear the benefits are pretty good."
He shakes his head, not amused by my joke. "I would be lost without you, my Carly. You have been strong and determined through all of this. I have had anchors in the past, but I do not remember any of them. They are faceless."
"Old memories—"
"No. Even when they were at my side, they were faceless. I did not care about them. I did not care if they lived or died, if they were happy or sad. I did not care if they abandoned their families to join me. But with you…I care." He strokes my cheek gently. "I will remember you, always."
A strange knot forms in my throat, and I don't know how to respond to that. He's obviously forgotten that I'm Carly the un-finisher, the woman who never sees anything through. Even right now, the urge to run away from his heartfelt words is strong. I'm not good at relationships. I'm not good at forever. But Kassam has never promised me forever, and that steadies me a little. I give him a saucy wink. "You're just saying that because I gave your prostate a tickle."
Kassam chuckles, his thumb moving across my skin to tease my lower lip. "You are very proud of yourself for that, you know."
"I should be. You're a god. I have to figure out how to one-up you when you go all hedonism on me. I can't have you bored."
He shakes his head. "I'm never bored with you. It's strange to realize that, but even in the quiet moments, when we are not touching, I like your company." He strokes my lip again, his expression thoughtful. "Do you still not want me to kiss you? On the lips?"
Oh. Are we going there?
My heart flutters. "It's just…I know we're in this to scratch each other's itches. But for me, if we add kisses, it has to mean something. It has to be more than just responding to a base need. Does that make sense?"
"And if I tell you I still want to kiss you, my wife?" His eyes are molten silver.
Heat blooms through my body, and I feel…warm. Happy. Today has been absolute shit but I forget all of it in this moment. I gaze up at him, and then nod, almost shy. "Then we can kiss."
Kassam leans in, and his lips graze mine in the lightest caress. As kisses go, it's just a tease, and I decide that if that's all I get, I'm going to riot. He can't say things like that and then just butterfly-peck me. He—
The god captures my chin, angling my mouth, and then consumes me. His mouth devours mine, hungry and seeking and desperate. I meet him with equal urgency, desperate to lose myself in the pleasure of his embrace. His tongue strokes against mine, deep and certain and ravenous. This is familiar, this utterly consuming hedonism, and I moan against him.